I seriously can’t wait to get into heaven! I can’t wait until I see you non-believers try to get in. I will seriously be laughing my ass off.
I can’t wait to be in heaven, watch you pitiful non-believers try to get in and watch Mary, the mother of Jesus, kick your asses all around the clouds. That will be my most awesome day.
-Brian Smith
The Church is funded entirely by your purchases of FSM merchandise. Thank you for your support.
An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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I see BEVETS is alive and well…
If you are so desperate to get to Heaven to see all the heatens being punished, why don’t you do something to hasten your own end. Maybe walking around blindfold and crossing a highway. That should do it.
You’re kinda vengeful and judging. I’m not G-d so I can’t really say, but I’m gonna laugh if Jesus comes back and he leaves you behind.
(I’m Jewish, so that’s a pretty big “if”).
I thought Mary was nice? Why would she want to kick our asses around the clouds? Because we believe in Lord oh Holy FSM? It’s not as funny as what a bunch of stoners sitting around a temple wrote thousands of years ago, which you guys now know as tThe Holy Bible.
Yeah Tabby. I for one would what sort of drugs were being passed out when the waves parted. Maybe mushrooms? Or more likely mouldy rhye.
RAmen
Oh and will we actually be taking our asses with us. If so we should decide what to wear.
Something in a padded stye maybe.
So let me get this straight. This guy Brian is going to laugh at us in Hell from his Heaven.
Well, I’m not that experianced in these matters but that sounds vindictive. Does he think God will be there laughing with him?
I dunno I’m just a kid with I suppose some kind of moral fibre that finds this disturbing.
No it was probably something more like peyote. People have been known to have “religious experiences” on peyote.
Sindrak
You appear to be a mature thinking kid with the right sort of moral fibre. There are lots more posts like that here. This is the sort of attitude some fundamentalist religions drum into their followers. I really am sad for all those kids who are taught this attitude.
And Starbuckaneer I think your right.
mmm peyote doesnt make you violent…
Id think maybe methamphetamine. Turns you violent, AND makes you an arrogant prick who cannot see your own idiocy.
That is not a very Christian attitude… Christian(said with disdain) I just can’t wait until you die. FULL STOP!
In all honesty, I had not been brought up with any specific religion and when I asked what religion I was, I got the reply “Church of England”… I thought nothing more of it.
As I learnt more of Christianity and other religions, I truly didn’t want to belong to any, as I do not believe in any Gods, second comings, or crazy guys claiming to be the Son of God. If I was to pick any religion, it would have been Buddhism because it has no God and was created by a guy who just wanted people to be nice and enjoy life.
And decided that out of all the religions, Christianity was the most hypocritical and historically unlikely and farfetched.
When I was told about “The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” I was mightily pleased. It all made sense. I had my epiphany. It’s clearly the religion for me. Makes a lot more sense than any other religion I know of.
RAmen.
Dude, you are going to very disappointed when you die and there is no heaven. You will have wasted your entire life preparing, while I have been traveling the world, expressing my thoughts, and learning all i can without the chains of religion to opress. I have seen the world and if the fable of God dropped out of existence tomorrow it would be a brighter day, not plauged by war and discrimination. But what do you care this life doesn’t count anyway. Religion is a tool for control if you can’t see that you are blind.
Bravo loki
RAmen
i will be laughing my arse off as you cannot get into our heaven which is much better than yours. do you have a beer volcanoe and stripper factories as far as the eye can see?? by the way i could so take mary, the mother of jesus. you however are no match for the noodly one.
Has the biblical city and story of Jericho been verified?
Excavations at the ancient mound of Jericho in the southern Jordan valley of Palestine have yielded extraordinary finds that verify the veracity of Biblical accounts. The only surviving written history of Jericho is that recorded in the Bible. Archaeology has demonstrated that the Biblical record is a precise eyewitness account of events that transpired there many thousands of years ago.
The most famous story about Jericho, of course, is that of the walls falling, as detailed in Joshua 6. Another less known, but nonetheless important, account is that of Eglon, king of Moab, building a palace there and extracting tribute from the Israelites for 18 years (Judges 3:12-30). Space does not allow a detailed discussion of the evidence, so I will briefly list the main finds and their correlation with the Bible.
At the time of the Israelite Conquest, Jericho was heavily fortified, as the Bible implies (Joshua 2:5,15).
Piles of mud bricks from the collapsed city wall were found at the base of the tell, verifying that “the wall fell beneath itself” (Hebrew, watippol hahomah tahteyha, Joshua 6:20).
An earthen embankment around the city required the fighters to go “up into the city” (Joshua 6:20).
Houses were built against a portion of the city wall that did not collapse, verifying that Rahab’s house was built against the city wall (Hebrew, betah be qir hahomah, Joshua 2:15), and that her house was spared (Joshua 2:14-21; 6:22-23).
A layer of ash 3-foot thick with burned timbers and debris demonstrates that the Israelites “burned the whole city and everything in it” (Joshua 6:24).
The destruction occurred at the end of the 15th century BC, precisely the time of the Conquest of Canaan according to the internal chronology of the Bible (I Kings 6:1; Judges 11:26; I Chronicles 6:33-37). Many large jars full of charred grain were found in the destroyed buildings. This is a very rare find since, because of its value, grain was normally plundered from a vanquished city. The large amount of grain at Jericho indicates:
The harvest had just been taken in (Joshua 2:6; 3:15).
The siege was short (seven days, Joshua 6:15).
The Israelites did not plunder the city (Joshua 6:18).
THE WALLS OF JERICHO - Is the Bible accurate concerning the destruction of the walls? - Answer
There was evidence of earthquake activity, possibly the agency God used to dam up the Jordan (Joshua 3:16) and bring the walls down.
[For further details, see Bryant G. Wood, Did the Israelites Conquer Jericho?, Biblical Archaeology Review, March-April 1990: 44-58; and The Walls of Jericho, Bible and Spade, Spring 1999: 35-42.]
Following the destruction of Jericho the site lay abandoned for a number of decades. Then, an isolated palace-like structure was constructed. It was excavated by British archaeologist John Garstang in the 1930s. He called it the “Middle Building,” since it was sandwiched between Iron Age structures above and the destroyed 15th century B.C. city below. The archaeological finds in this stratum match the Biblical description exactly.
The Middle Building dates to the second half of the 14th century BC, the time of Eglon’s oppression according to Biblical chronology (ca. 1400 BC less the remainder of the life of Joshua, Judges 2:6-9; the eight-year oppression by Cushan-Rishathaim, Judges 3:8; and 40 years of peace under Othniel, Judges 3:11).
The plan of the building is similar to other palaces of the period and fits the description given in the Bible.
The Middle Building was an isolated structure, as the Bible implies. There was no evidence for a town at Jericho at this time.
The resident was well-to-do, as seen by a large quantity of imported Cypriot and other decorated pottery.
The resident was involved in administrative activities, as evidenced by a cuneiform tablet, a rare find in Palestine.
The building was occupied for only a short period of time and then abandoned.
[For further details, see John Garstang, The Story of Jericho: Further Light on the Biblical Narrative, American Journal of Semitic Languages and Literature 58 (1941), pp. 368-72; Baruch Halpern, The Assassination of Eglon: The First Locked-Room Murder Mystery, Bible Review, (December 1988), pp. 2-41.]
For more information:
ABOUT JERICHO (ChristianAnswers WebBible Encylopedia article)
Is the Bible accurate concerning the destruction of the walls of Jericho? Answer
FOR CHILDREN: Scientists discover proof - The walls of Jericho DID fall (KidExplorers.com)
Archaeology and the Bible — Providing archaeological evidence in support of the Bible. Our team of experts answers your questions about the Bible and archaeology. To Menu
[ If this information has been helpful, please prayerfully consider a donation to help pay the expenses for making this faith-building service available to you and your family! Donations are tax-deductible. ]
Author: Bryant G. Wood, Ph.D. of Associates for Biblical Research. Provided by AIIA Institute.
Copyright © 2001, AIIA Institute, All Rights Reserved - except as noted on attached “Usage and Copyright” page that grants ChristianAnswers.Net users generous rights for putting this page to work in their homes, personal witnessing, churches and schools.
DON’T FORGET THE FACTS,BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT IS THE TRUE WORD OF GOD AND THERE IS EVIDENCE FOR EVERY SCRIPTURE
14 GOOD REASONS
TO READ THE BIBLE
Reasons 1 - 7
14 GOOD REASONS
The world’s best selling book
Biblical faith is based on a historical event
Jesus was a real person
Believing in the Bible message changes lives
Filled with real people and real places
Jesus has dramatically effected history
Brilliant people believe it to be true (scientists and composers)
Go to reasons 8 - 14
1. The world’s best selling book
The Guiness Book of Records acknowledges the Bible as the world’s best selling book.
“It has been estimated that between 1815 and 1975 some 2.5 billion copies of the Bible were printed … Since 1976 combined global sales of Today’s English Version … have exceeded 118 million copies.” 1 (Guinness Book of Records)
These sales are for only one of the many versions of the Bible available.
If you are a person who thinks the Bible is an outdated book just sitting unread on bookshelves, think again!
Order a Bible
Explore the entire Bible in many languages and versions
2. Biblical faith is based on a historical event
The faith described in the Bible involves believing the truth about an event that has already taken place. Because the New Testament is the most reliable ancient historical manuscript (see reason 14) we can trust what it says. Jesus did in fact rise from the dead.
“The Son of Man must suffer many things … be rejected … he must be killed and after three days rise again” (Mark 8:31).
Josh McDowell was a man who was sure Christianity was worthless and who focussed his energies on discrediting the resurrection of Jesus. In the process of trying to destroy the faith of Christians, he came to see the New Testament was an accurate history book.
Read Josh McDowell’s story of a skeptic who changed his mind
Read entire books online that show the weight of evidence for the Bible
Read an article from Josh McDowell entitled Evidence for the Resurrection.
3. Jesus was a real person
“The persons commonly called Christians … Christus, the founder of the name, was put to death by Pontius Pilate, procurator of Judea for the reign of Tiberius…” 6 (Cornelius Tacitus, Roman historian, 112 A.D.)
Our time scale is based on BC (Before Christ) and AD (Anno Domini) that means “in the year of our Lord”. The birth of Jesus is a very solid historical fact.
4. Believing in the Bible message changes lives
There is hope!
Lynton Allan
People have been rescued from the darkest, most hopeless situations when they have put their trust in Jesus. Some people try to downplay the power Jesus has to change lives by saying; “It seems that only people in desperate situations turn to God.” It is true that many times God has to do something to get our attention but this does not prove that God is not real but simply that people are generally very stubborn when it comes to change! It is also true that many people who have never been confronted with a major crisis have a strong faith in God. God has already sent Jesus to die for our sins and He is waiting for our response.
People have been rescued from: drugs
gambling
shop-lifting
heart condition
low self-esteem
a life of violence
a lesbian lifestyle
suicidal thoughts
the effects of abuse
depression & suicide
searching for meaning
overwhelming darkness
ex-criminal and alcoholic
long term neglect and abuse
deep wounds from an abortion
Skeptic
Teenager
Finding it hard to change?
What has happened to our world?
> Answers when I need help
5. Filled with real people and real places
“In the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar - when Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea …”
(Bible, Luke 3:1).
“While Paul was … in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols”
(Bible, Acts 17:16).
William Ramsay is regarded by some as one of the greatest archaeologists of all time. He was once skeptical that the Bible was a reliable historical book but after he carefully researched the Book of ‘Acts’ he changed his mind and concluded: “Luke (writer of the Bible book called ‘Acts’) is a historian of first rank …”7
6. Jesus has dramatically affected history
“This Jesus of Nazareth, without money and arms, conquered more millions than … Napoleon; without science and learning, He shed more light on things human and divine than all philosophers and scholars combined … He spoke such words of life as were never spoken before or since … Without writing a single line, He set more pens in motion … than the whole army of great men of ancient and modern times.” 3 (Historian Philip Schaff)
“I know men and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of people would die for Him.” 4 (What Napoleon Bonaparte himself said about Jesus)
“Everything in Christ astonishes me. His spirit overawes me, and His will confounds me … I search in vain in history to find the similar to Jesus Christ, or anything that can approach the gospel.” 11 (More of what Napoleon Bonaparte said about Jesus)
“All the kings that ever reigned put together; have not affected the life of mankind on earth as powerfully as that one solitary life.” 5
(From One Solitary Life, by an unknown author, written about the life of Jesus.)
One of the reasons the Bible is the world’s best selling book is because it gives people real hope and truth.
> Who is Jesus?
> Encouraging words from the Bible when I need help
> View a multi-media presentation about JESUS
7. Brilliant people believe it to be true
Composers
“To God’s will I submit myself.” 12 (George Frederic Handel)
“To God alone, the glory.” 12 (Johann Sebastian Bach)
Bach would frequently initial his blank manuscript pages with the marking, ‘J.J.’ (’Help me, Jesus’) or ‘I.N.J.’ (In the name of Jesus).” 12
“I offer all my praises to Almighty God … Each day I prayed to God to give me strength.” 12 (Franz Haydn)
“God, be my Rock, my light, forever my trust.” 12 (Ludwig Van Beethoven)
“May God be with you.” 12 (Felix Mendelssohn)
“Through Christ alone … salvation comes to us.” 12 (Franz Liszt)
If you think that “Christians are uncreative people” we encourage you to read the book: “The Spiritual Lives of the Great Composers” by Patrick Kavanaugh, Sparrow Press, USA, 1992. Order through your local Christian bookshop and read what some of the greatest musical composers of all time believe to be the truth about God, Jesus and the Bible.
Famous Scientists
“Overwhelming strong proofs of intelligent and benevolent design lie around us … the atheistic idea is so non-sensical that I cannot put it into words.” 13 (Lord Kelvin)
“I am a Christian … I believe only and alone … in the service of Jesus Christ … In Him is all refuge, all solace.” 13 (Johannes Kepler)
“Order is manifestly maintained in the universe … the whole being governed by the sovereign will of God.” 13 (James Prescott Joule)
“There are those who argue that the universe evolved out a random process, but what random process could produce the brain of man or the system of the human eye?” 13 (Werhner Von Braun)
“Almighty Creator and Preserver of all things, praised be all Thou has created.” 13 (Carl Linnaeus)
“I am a believer in the fundamental doctrines of Christianity.” 13 (Sir Joseph Lister)
“The more I study nature, the more I stand amazed at the work of the Creator. Science brings men nearer to God.” 13 (Louis Pasteur). Pasteur strongly opposed Darwin’s theory of evolution because he felt it did not conform to the scientific evidence.
Robert Boyle believed in Jesus Christ’s “Passion, His death, His resurrection and ascension, and all of those wonderful works which He did during His stay upon earth, in order to confirm the belief of His being God as well as man.” 13
Sir Isaac Newton said, “Atheism is so senseless. When I look at the solar system, I see the earth at the right distance from the sun to receive the proper amounts of heat and light. This did not happen by chance.” and also “The true God is a living, intelligent and powerful being.”
Michael Faraday was careful to “Thank God, first, for all His gifts.” 13
If you believe that “Christians can’t think for themselves” we encourage you to read “21 Great Scientists Who Believed the Bible” by Ann Lamont published by Answers in Genesis, P.O. Box 6302, Acacia Ridge D.C., Queensland, 4110, Australia, 1995.
Read about the book “21 Scientists Who Believed the Bible”
Present day PhD. scientists speak out
“The evidence points to an intelligent designer of the vast array of life, both living and extinct, rather than to unguided mindless evolution.” (Nancy M Darrall, Speech Therapist at the Bolton Community Health Care Trust in the UK. She holds a PhD in Botany from the University of Wales.)
“Evolutionary theories of the universe cannot counteract the above arguments for the existence of God.” (John M Cimbala, Professor of Mechanical Engineering, Pennsylvania State University. John holds a PhD in Aeronautics.)
“The correspondence between the global catastrophe in the geological record and the Flood described in Genesis is much too obvious for me to conclude that these events must be one and the same.” (John R Baumgardner, Technical Staff Member in the Theoretical Division of Los Alamos National Laboratory. John holds a PhD in Geophysics and Space Physics from UCLU.)
“We have already seen that no such system could possibly appear by chance. Life in its totality must have been created in the beginning, just as God told us.” (John P Marcus, Research Officer at the Cooperative Research Centre for Tropical Plant Pathology, University of Queensland, Australia. John holds a PhD in Biological Chemistry from the University of Michigan.)
“The fossil record is considered to be the primary evidence for evolution, yet it does not demonstrate a complete chain of life from simple forms to complex.” (Larry Vardiman, Professor from the Department of Astro-Geophysics for Creation Research, USA. Larry holds a PhD in Atmosperic Science from Colorado State University.)
“I … have no hesitation in rejecting the evolutionary hypothesis of origins and affirming the biblical alternative that ‘in six days the Lord God created the heavens and earth and all that in them is’. (Dr Taylor is senior lecturer in Electrical Engineering at the University of Liverpool. Dr Taylor has a PhD in Electrical Engineering and has authored over 80 scientific articles.)
“I believe God provides evidence of His creative power for all to experience personally in our lives. To know the Creator does not require an advanced degree in science or theology.” (Timothy G Standish is an Associate Professor of Biology at Andrews University in the USA. Dr Standish holds a PhD in Biology and Public Policy from George Mason University, USA.)
“At the same time I found I could reject evolution and not commit intellectual suicide, I began to realise I could also accept a literal creation and still not commit intellectual suicide.” (AJ Monty White, Student Advisor, Dean of Students Office, at the University of Cardiff, UK. Dr White holds a PhD in the field of Gas Kinetics.)
“So life did not arise by natural processes, nor could the grand diversity of life have arisen through no-intelligent natural processes (evolution). Living things were created by God, as the Bible says.” (Don Batten, a research scientist for Answer in Genesis in Australia. Dr Batten holds a PhD in Plant Physiology from the University of Sydney and worked for 18 years as a research scientist with the New South Wales Department of Agriculture.)
“In the words of the well-known scientist, Robert Jastrow, ‘for the scientist who has lived by faith in the power of reason, the story [of the quest for the answers about the origin of life and the universe] ends like a bad dream. he has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries.” (Jerry R Bergman, Instructor of Science at Northwest State College, Archbold, Ohio. He holds a PhD in Evaluation and Research from Wayne State University and a PhD in Human Biology from Columbia Pacific University.)
Read why 50 PhD scientists from all around the world reject evolution on scientific grounds and choose to believe in creation in the book “In Six Days (why 50 scientists choose to believe in creation)” edited by John F Ashton PhD, New Holland Publishers, 1999. (The above 10 quotes were taken from this book.)
Read the scientific evidence against evolution (short and concise)
JUST THE FACTS
NO KIDDING JUST THE FACTS
Do I look like I’m kidding? I cannot give you all the evidences here on this site…there’s simply not enough space! But here are a few categories of evidence for the trustworthiness of My Book. These should get you thinking…and, hopefully…motivate you learn more.
1. Over 2,000 predictive prophecies fulfilled… and counting. One of the most recent and amazing fulfillments of prophecy was the restoration of Israel to her homeland.
Jeremiah 31:8-9 “He who scattered Israel will gather them again and will watch over his flock like a shepherd. For the Lord will ransom the descendents of Jacob from the hand of those stronger then they they will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion…”
After 2000 years this is a miracle of incredible proportions since there is not a single culture that has maintained its identity in the middle east for that length of time especially after being scattered to the four corners of the world and persecuted by every nation it inhabited (also predicted). No other religious scripture, Buddhist, Hindu, Moslem, Confucian etc. contains ANY predictive prophecies whatsoever, much less ones that have come true. The Bible is full of them and every one of them has come true or is about to come true.
2. Archeology - The Bible’s multitude historical, cultural and Geographic details are accurate to the highest degree. Sir William Ramsey an atheist with a Ph.D. in Archeology from Oxford set out to disprove the Bible by disproving the Book of Acts because of its many detailed descriptions of events and locations in the Middle East during the first century he felt that it would be easy to find inaccuracies and inconsistencies that would bring the accuracy of the whole book into question. After twenty five years of digging, he finally declared that Luke was accurate down to the minutest detail. In his attempt to disprove the Bible he discovered literally hundreds of relics that proved the historical accuracy of the Book of Acts. He stunned the world when in one of his books he finally declared himself a Christian!
3. It’s honesty about the failings of it’s heroes. If the Bible were a whitewash job, a literary glorification, it would never have included such embarrassing details of David’s adulterous relationship with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband. Israel’s idolatry. Incest among some members of the early church. etc..
4. It’s power to change lives. No book has changed the world as the Bible has. It is the basis for Democracy and the Judicial system of all free countries. It brings out the best in mankind. And gives man’s life meaning purpose and hope. It has been said about the Bible that if it is a fraud “Good men wouldn’t have written it and bad men couldn’t have written it.” Why? Good men wouldn’t claim that God was the author if he wasn’t and bad men wouldn’t write a book that is so uncompromising in it’s condemnation of evil. So who would have been left to write it NO ONE. But for now suffice it to say that Jesus is the greatest authentication of the Bible he said:
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My Word will never pass away.”
5. The cost of writing it. Almost every one of its writers was tortured and killed for writing it but not one of them took back a word. They would rather die than deny the truth.
That William Tyndale translated and published, in 1526, the first-ever mechanically- printed New Testament in the English language?
That he did this in an era when the English Catholic church had in effect a law that made it a crime punishable by death to translate the Bible into English, and when on one day in 1519, the church authorities publicly burned a woman and six men for nothing more than teaching their children English versions of the Lord’s Prayer, the Ten Commandments and the Apostles’ Creed?!
Mark 13:31 “Heaven and earth shall pass away but my Word will never pass away .”
Hebrews 4:12 For the Word of God is is living and powerful, sharper than any two edged sword it penetrated even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
But you don’t have take anyone else’s word for it. Read it yourself and then decide.
Eternity is too long to be wrong!
@Eternity is too long
So is your rant! Tell somebody who gives a shit!
RAmen
“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” —Mohandas Ghandi