I seriously can’t wait to get into heaven! I can’t wait until I see you non-believers try to get in. I will seriously be laughing my ass off.
I can’t wait to be in heaven, watch you pitiful non-believers try to get in and watch Mary, the mother of Jesus, kick your asses all around the clouds. That will be my most awesome day.
-Brian Smith
The Church is funded entirely by your purchases of FSM merchandise. Thank you for your support.
An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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“I didn’t take away the italics”
Nope there as plain as pasta can see.
this post is to answer Steve´s posts:-
“To all you who doubt the authority of the bible. Hands up if you’ve ever read it from front to back? Get yourself a bible and say to God: “God i’m not even convinced you exist but I am honestly seeking truth if you do exist and if the bible really is your word to us then help me to see this†and then read it…”
well mate, i have to say i did read the bible, but not at my own will. while my friends were playing and having fun, i had to read the bible as it was the “right” thing to do. and i can assure you it was NO fun. its all BRAIN-WASHING THERAPY. i wasted a large part of my childhood reading non-sense, but of course at that time my role-models (family, teachers, etc) said i was going the “right way”. there are so many things in the bible that just contradict with each other its unbelievable how people still believe in such rubbish. but of course you hypnotised people will say i´m possessed by the devil, and that i should get exorcised.
one last thing. let me tell you that i consider myself a very good person, in the sense that i help good people in whatever means possible (and that includes EVERY type of good people, including homosexuals), but i will still go to hell? tell you what, you and your fanatic sect can “go to hell”, and you can stick all your stories and churches up your holy bottoms. or better even, sell the gold inside that big church in italy were the pope lives (i dont know, and dont care about the name of it, so i dont see the need to do research on it) and use it to help others in need.
i´ll be next door of you, drinking beer and sharing messenger (ie:web-cam) with strippers, while you and your holy “straight” mates enjoy your time abusing children.
all i have to say… i´ll go have a glass of cold water now….. yeah, PEACE dudes!!! and long live FSM!!!(and futsal).
Actually josh, it was jewish people and pagans that killed jesus not chirisians, and the holy mother will be sad that this joke is being believed.
your holy mother is a fraud. some drugged dude long time ago made up this story… when will you lot realise?? and what´s that about “this joke is being believed”. this is no joke tracy.RAmen
There are many different kinds of Pagans (People Against Good And Niceness, according to the Dragnet movie) You should really be either more or less specific.. like “That nasty Pagan guy, Steve, killed Jesus!” or “All those evil non-Christians (who must obviously be JEWS and PAGANS because we don’t like them) killed JESUS!” Actually, God killed Jesus. Didn’t he say it was part of the plan? So he was behind the whole thing. All the Jews and Pagans are responsible for is conspiracy to commit crucifixion. (That’s a fun word.. I wonder if Christians can be diagnosed as having a crucifixATION?) As far as the holy mother… if you believe in that whole scenario… she got impregnated by a ghost and gave birth to a hippie (don’t say Jesus was not a hippie, because he WAS, in the best possible way, of course) you KNOW she has a sense of humor. And Jesus thinks this is funny, too. So get over it.
http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/ for all the “christians”
Brian, check out the bottom right (highlights) “understanding delusion”.
“it was jewish people and pagans that killed jesus not chirisians”–Thanks to people like you and statements like that, anti-semitism (and whatever the phrase is for ant-pagenism!) is still alive and kicking. Thanks so much.
I have to ask, why is everyone so opposed to paganism? so what if they danced around in some stone circles, and burnt the odd cow, chicken or human on an altar? THEY HAD FUN! They got to get roaring drunk on mead, worship fertility gods, and havve a huge party…
.
maybe their persecutors just couldnt handle the neighbours having so much fun…
I’m proud to be a pagan.
I used to be Pagan, but then I converted to Pastafarianism. It’s just more my style.
Me too, Sqrl.. I was a bad Pagan (you know, like bad Christians who don’t go to church), but I feel compelled to come here (to church) every day! I guess people are right when they talk about god “calling” them… but they just didn’t realize that it was the FSM. But Paganism is a VERY FUN way to go. Love everybody; have lots of sex. It’s a very friendly NON-KILLING religion. Since when has there been a Wiccan Crusade? “You won’t worship the Goddess? DIE!” It’s like, “oh, ok, whatever… coffee?”
dear brian,
i read your insightful and obviously well-researched point of view with great interest. you obviously know what you’re talking about, and i can only hope that that ‘awesome’ day comes to you in the very near future. i have, however, one or two questions on your learned opinion. they are as follows;
1. Were you just being metaphorical, or do you honestly beleive that your afterlife of eternal salvation will take place on planet earth’s clouds? If so, are you aware that clouds are merely condensed H2O and various chemical pollutants and can not, in fact, support even the smallest mass, not to mention that those pearly gates must way a tonne?
2. Do you consider yourself to be a ‘gangsta’?
3. Have you ever knowingly used a word exceeding two syllables in legnth that was not ‘non-beleivers’?
4. Do you wear a ‘do-rag’?
5. What, if any, is the virgin Mary’s training in martial arts?
6. Does SHE wear a ‘do-rag’?
that is all.
love,
the patron saint of semi-colons
I used to be an atheist, but now I’m a pastatheist.
Brain,
I like the fact that people like you spend a lot of time reading the bible and going to church, because if it was not for the churches our mental institutions would be full!
Seriously. All of you people got it all wrong. I helped the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In fact, He and I were roommates!
Ok on a more serious Note,
to all you hardcore christians out there,
1) If you say Jesus is within you I think you kill a little bit of him every time you say a “non-believer” will not get ito heaven. Not believing in a higher truth does not mean you can’t be a good person. Also, why do you always say We thank thee, God. yet all you ever do is praise my son. Hello? A little more appreciation might be nice.
2) Chill off the catholics. They haven’t done anything wrong. Cept the whole child molestation thing but would your pastors have done anything about it? Hell NO! They would have tried to cover it up as well. (Cuz I’m one. Have been since Jesus ;D)
3) If I wanted all of you to be fighting about religion I would have unleashed 12 year olds who play Counterstrike. Seriously I like the fact that there are three religions out there all about me and sure they have my name all wrong (It’s Walt. Not Yawheh, not Lord, Not God, and not Allah..WALT). And I swear to ME, if you little bastards make me miss one more minute of Law & Order, I’ll come down there and smite you all myself. I’ll do it. I’m crazy. Don’t believe me? look at the giraffe. Now that is ONE F*CKED up animal. That and the platypus.
4) If you cannot laugh at yourself, then you sure as hell can’t be happy in this world. Therefore using your own logic against you, (Jesus is in all of us and is a part of us) If you can’t laugh at Jesus, you cannot be happy.
5) We had to go into Iraq. Saddam was an imminent threat. ;D Just Kidding. Although he was a douche. I will admit that. (but I didn’t make him)
6) I’m leaving this blank so that you may absorb what I have said.
7) This one too (THINK DAMNIT!)
8) Did any of you see that movie with Angelina Jolie…DOGMA…(I’d tap that in an instant.) That was a good movie and extremely funny. All of them scored a billion points (I’m kidding. It’s not a point system.) But Angelina is getting in. Along with Half of Africa. (Laugh or I’ll smite you)
That’s all I can think of. Brian. I hope you’ve learned a lesson. And when that snake comes into your room tonight and you begin to have another “episode” Just remember, The Flying Spaghetti Monster Could have saved you.
Oh and Riis. Mary is capable of Shaolin Kenpo, which is a defensive form of martial Arts. She also does Ju Jitsu, and that brazilian fighting dance thing. I don’t know what its called. All I know is that if Mephisto popped in one nite, He’d go down pretty damn fast.
and Darwin’s Monkey, Church sucks right now. So many people get so little out of it in this world. Except in Third World Countries. A little more independentness might be nice but. EH. I can’t take of everything. You’d all know that if you saw “Bruce Almighty”
Oh crap. Karen’s looking at me again.
If you’ll excuse me I have an Apocalypse where the rapture will not take place ever to plan.
-God
“Mary, Mother of Jesus” you say?
I want to know, will she let me put
my cock in her mouth and blow a
big load of jism into it?
(Heck, damnation to Hell would be WORTH that!)
(Or is Hell just “Heck” assuming the FSM
is for real?)
Great Neptune’s nipples! Me name’s been plundered!
/
Avast ye scurvy dog! Prepares to defend y’self! I’ll gut ye from bow to stern!
/
Seriously, dude, copying someone’s name is just sad and pathetic.
/
/
-The Original One Eyed Jack
Ahaha, you can take heaven and shove it. If I hate people spewing selfish, egomaniacal junk about heaven now, I’ll bet it’s even worse once you get there.
Heaven was created to reassure the sad, scared, and lonely and to punish the bad with its removal.
I don’t need a fairy tale.
Heheheh, yeeeeeaaaaah….. Didnt the bible say something about “Judge not ‘less the be judged”? meaning… Your not the one who’ll be deiciding who goes to heaven or hell, and for all I care, and for all you’ve said, you yourself dont sound even worthy enough to go to heaven with all that cursing. “Mary the mother of jesus will kick your ass”, WHAT? YOUR A CHRISTIAN?! Haaaaaaaa.. what a funny one at that… This is why I cant take any Christians seriously anymore… I’m cool with Christianity, it’s the f’ing Christians that piss me off for their hypocritisms…
LEARN YOUR OWN BIBLE BEFORE YOU GO BLAMMISHING THE STRONG IDEALS OF OTHERS!