I seriously can’t wait to get into heaven! I can’t wait until I see you non-believers try to get in. I will seriously be laughing my ass off.
I can’t wait to be in heaven, watch you pitiful non-believers try to get in and watch Mary, the mother of Jesus, kick your asses all around the clouds. That will be my most awesome day.
-Brian Smith
The Church is funded entirely by your purchases of FSM merchandise. Thank you for your support.
An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Hmm……”Dark Side of The Moon” was one of the worlds top selling albums, therefore all the lyrics must be true!
@GARY
Haven’t you got your own website to post your rants on Gary?
Gary…
Don’t know where you are getting your archaeological information, but if you’re really buy it, I got a nice bridge for sale!
Yes and I believe I may have an opera house that would interest you.
By the way Gary, havn’t you heard?…. god and jeezus want their religion back.
Wow… just wow.
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J, you better do something… we can’t have the post length record go to a non-believer.
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Gary… no book has changed the world as much, ey? Probably… but hey, no vegetable has changed the world as much as the potato…
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(allowed an Irish population explosion, then caused a famine, which resulted in the mass emmigration to the states, and thus strongly influenced America’s resulting relationship with the Poms [remember, at this stage, Irish and British =/= good friends])
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… and I don’t run my life by what it says (its a pretty bad conversationalist). One of the major events in human history were the crusades… the heinous slaughter, rape and pillaging (the bad kind, folks) of thousands in the name of religion. Not something to be proud of.
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You say “The Bible is full of them (prophecies) and every one of them has come true or is about to come true.”
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Bollocks. I wan’t to write a nice structured dismissal of that point, something along the lines of how come noone could see these prophecies till after they happened, or that the return of the Jewish population to Israel was met by as much revulsion at the very idea (by the jewish themselves)as shouting for joy… but right now, all that is going through my head is the word “Bollocks”, on an endless loop.
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THE BIBLE AS THE BASIS OF DEMOCRACY!!! What a joke!
Democracy is at the least a product of the athenian rights of citizenry, if not earlier.
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You say the bible has been proven by archaeology? Where is the proof of a walking corpse?
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There might of been a guy called Jesus, but there is not a single ounce of proof for the mythology of the bible.
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No proof for the creation of the Earth, a la bible. Quite the opposite. THIS VERY DAY, I dated rocks, using the basic application of physics, over a billion years old. How does that fit with the 6000 years from the bible?
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I am not normally this savage, but your claim is just offensive. You actually dare to quote the bible as a reason. A book that has resulted in the deaths of millions.
A book that exhorts the killing of non-believers.
A book that treats women as little more than slaves.
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I cannot keep this rant up any longer… I am just too dumbfounded by your words. So, all I can say is, to my fellow pastafarians… MAINTAIN THE RAGE!
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Finally, does anyone know how to get a continual looped cry of bollocks out of your head? It just won’t go away.
Using the Bible to verify the truth of the Bible…geez, like i can’t find enough circular reasoning elsewhere.
And while there may be bits and pieces of evidence for some fo the events of the Old Testament, there is no evidence of any kind that there was supernatural involvement. i very much doubt that the bronze-age priests and shamans who wrote the OT understood vulcanology, or liquifaction or seismology.
And again, the ONLY evidence for the truth of the New Testament happnes to be…oh, the New Testament. Herod, Pilate, etc are mentioned in other historical documents…but no Jesus. given that Jesus was probably as well-known to the Jews of the time as Osama bin Laden was following the events of 9/11, i find it odd that there is not a single extrabiblical reference to his life ANYWHERE.
And the evidence for evolution is so overwhelming that it really would be impossible to list it here. evolution by genetic adaptation happens. fact. i suppose you will retort with “the devil made MRSA!”. i was going to talk about the absurdity of Noah’s flood here, but i would be demeaning myself. Just ask yourself why if so many animals died all at once, that we find so many different species in completely different geological layers. and how come these creatures are fossilized, while the remains of the Ancient Sumerian empire (which are well over 5000 years) are in considerably better shape?
Oh, and i might add that nothing in the natural world actually lives in harmony. the normal state of affairs for most organisms in the wild is to exist a hair’s breadth aay from messy, painful death. the number of animals at any given moment which are being crushed, eviscerated, choked and/or eaten alive is beyond all reasonable contemplation. everything humans see as “beautiful” in nature exists to ensure sex and facilitate death. if there is ever a time of plenty in nature, the response of any given species is simply to reproduce until the normal state of suffering and death is restored. a loving God? if God really did create the world, then our only logical conclusion can be that he endorses the triumph of the vicious over the weak, he is a whiz at mathematics, and that above all else he adores beauty, excess and fecundity. a loving God indeed.
I’m afraid i must concur with Jingles here…i’m having little difficulty maintaining my rage. but herein lies the difference between science and faith: science looks at the universe and draws the most likely conclusions as to what has happened. “Faith science” look at the universe and tries to make it fit the biblical story. anyone see the problem with this kind of preconceived notion?
Oh, and just to establish the likelihood of “Prophecy”:
I predict, here and now, that a leader will arise out of the city of Cairo, who will change the very course of history and the way mankind perceives its place in the cosmic order.
(note: the world has over a dozen cities named Cairo, of which Egypt’s capital happens to be the most famous. and since the Bible-thumpers often spout that Jesus fulfilled prophecies made thousands of years before his birth, let’s see if my prophecy here has come true in the next three millennia. i invite any of you to hold me to that. except that we’ll all be dead by then)
Gary,
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If you can’t be bothered to do more than copy and paste web pages, don’t bother posting. Do you have an original thought of your own?
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OEJ
@gary
all of what you said in your rants is obvious bullshit. the only way you proved the bible is by faith, not reality. and did i see him say the bible is good for preventing a ‘lesbian lifestyle’. just great, another bible humper who thinks that homesexuality is a sin. well maybe you should realize that homosexuals are people just like you and me, just different sexual orientation. maybe you should have more respect for them. yes, people will still make fun of them (sorry), but that doesn’t mean they’re bad or they should be killed. fuck you and get your dick out of your bible.
the bible is just a book of how to live, it proves shit about reality.
Why would we need a heaven when we have a Beer volcano and a Stripper factory? Seriously.
@Gary. You know where to find a huge concentration of folks who have found Jesus? Look at any federal penitentiary. Did Jesus cure them of their felonious ways? No, being locked in PRISON did. They found Jesus in order to cope with their newfound life of horror. And, as soon as they are free again, there is a better than good chance that they will lose Jesus, and commit another crime. But then, of course, they will get the chance to find Jesus all over again. Do you have any hard facts about anything that hasn’t been told to you by someone else so you can regurgitate it over the internet?
Oh, and I think God is punishing you by having endless italics, so knock it off.
IM NOT SHOUTING. I JUST CAN’T TYPE. THE STUFF I POSTED WAS NOT A RANT, IT’S JUST THAT THE GOD OF THE BIBLE SAYS HE GIVES US PROOF THAT HIS WORD IS TRUE AND THATS WHAT MY RESEARCH HAS SHOWN AND WITH ALL THE FISICAL EVEDENCE THAT IS OUT THER IT SHOWS ME THE BIBLE IS THE WORD OF GOD AND IN THAT BOOK GOD SAYS TO STUDY ALL THINGS AND TO TEST HIS WORD SO YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE SO I DID AND HE DID WHAT HE SAID HE WOULD. SO MY QUESTION IS DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH EVEN IF THAT TRUTH IS THE GOD OF ABRAHAM,ISAAC & JACOB. I GIVE YOU EVIDENCE AND YOU REFUSE IT, I SPEAK THE TRUTH AND YOU CONDEMN ME, I WROTE NOTHING AND YOU CURSE ME. IF YOU LOOK AT WHAT I COPIED AND SENT, YOU WOULD SEE THOSE ARE LINKS TO PERSONAL TESTAMONIES, THE LESBIANS (AS YOU CALL THEM) WORDS NOT MINE. ACTUALY I THOUGHT THEY WHERE WOMAN SURE LOOK LIKE IT TO ME. THE BIBLE SAYS THAT SAME SEX RELATIONS IS THE WORK OF EVIL NOT THAT THE PEOPLE ARE EVIL. WE ARE NOT SINNERS BECAUSE WE SIN, WE SIN BECAUSE WE ARE SINNERS AND WILL UNTILL THE RETURN OF CHRIST. AFTER BEING MOLESTED AS A CHILD AND GROWING UP SLEEPING WITH AS MANY MEN AS WOMEN I CAN SAY WHAT EVER I WOULD LIKE TO SAY ON THAT SUBJECT THANK YOU. AT 7 YEARS OLD SEEING MY DAD (MY HERO) LAYING IN A COMA FOR A MOUNTH FROM A CAR ACCIDENT ONLY TO WAKE UP AND NOT NO WHO I WAS AND 2 YEARS LATER MY MOM COMMITTNG SUICIDE AND EVEN THOUGH I NEW SHE WAS GONE THAT DID NOT STOP ME FROM RUNNING UP TO WOMEN IN THE STORE THAT LOOKED LIKE HER TO GET A CLOSER LOOK JUST IN CASE, SO I HAVE EVERY REASON TO HAVE NOT BELEIVED OR TO HAVE HATED GOD. GROWING UP IN AN ALCOHOLIC FAMILY, FOR THE SHORT TIME THEY WHERE THERE. RAISING MYSELF AFTER MY MOTHER DIED AND GROWING TO HATE MY FATHER FOR HIS DRINKING AND STUBERNESS, JUDGING THE OUTWARD MAN ONLY AND THEN COMMING TO KNOW THE HART OF THE MAN AND RELISED I SAT NEXT TO THE GREATEST MAN I EVER KNEW AND NEVER SAW IT, ACTUALY GOD REVIELED IT TO ME AS HE HAS MANY THINGS OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS, SEE I GAVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST IN 1986 AND HAD NO DOUBT THAT HE WAS REAL BUT WHAT I DID NOT BELEIVE IS THAT THE BIBLE WAS THE TRUE WORD OF GOD AND STRUGGELED THROUGH LIFE TRYING DRUGS,DRINKING,SEX,MONEY,JOBS WITH TITLES,HOUSES,CARS(MY BIG PASSION MORE THAN 50 SINCE I WAS 15.I’M NOW 40)BUT SOMTHING DID NOT FIT, THOSE WHO KNOW JESUS WILL UNDERSTAND AND THOSE WHO DON’T HE WANTS TO SHOW YOU A LIFE OF PEACE AND BLESSING WITH AN ETERNAL LIFE WITH HIM IN HEAVEN. ONE THING SO MANY PEOPLE MISS ABOUT THE STORY OF ADAM AND EVE IS THE TREE THEY ATE OF WAS THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL. THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL LEADS US TO JUDGE PEOPLE BY OWER STANDARDS OF RIGHT OR WRONG AND PASS MILLIONS OF LAWS THAT DO NOT WORK, THIS IS WHY JUSUS SAID JUDGE NOT AND YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED, AND WHY PAUL SAID THE LAW CAN BE SUMMED UP IN, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOUR SELF AND WY GOD WANTS TO SHOW HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO US SO WE CAN SHARE IT WITH OTHERS. WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR SON’S LIFE SO SOMEONE ELSE COULD GO TO HEAVEN OR YOUR OWN LIFE FOR THAT MATTER. AFTER ALL IF LOVE IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL THEN ITS NOT LOVE.
I don’t read caps, especially that many!
RAmen
@jesus christ
“you should realize that homosexuals are people just like you and me”
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and the leader of the evangelical churches.
@gary
gary, calm down. ok, so u have had a troubled life and for that i say that i am sorry. i did not know about any of that ok. i will apologize for that. fine, if the bible thing works for you, then let it work for you. i’m not going to change that. however, this site isn’t meant to criticize all of religion. sure there are dicks like me who talk shit a lot about it, but it’s aimed towards extremists, not christian people in general. for you, if finding jesus helps you to cope with the world, then let it be. however for me, the god thing doesn’t work. however, now since i understand you, i will be more sympathetic.
however, i still don’t think homesexuals are sinners. they should still be more respected.
Oh, my. I can’t read it either. I did read a question about whether or not we wanted to know the truth even if it relates to the God of blah, blah, blah. Hmmm, let’s see…. no, I don’t want to know what you claim is the truth. Really.
@nikkiee
hahahahahahahaha. are you refering to ted haggard, everyone’s favorite ‘i hate gays’ preachers that hired a male escort. if so, you are right
OK I read some of it and you have my sympathy, however I am not sure what you expect in way of response from us that have very very different beliefs. Now how would your church respond if I cut & paste the FSM gospel onto their website? Would they all convert to worship His Noodliness?
RAmen