I seriously can’t wait to get into heaven! I can’t wait until I see you non-believers try to get in. I will seriously be laughing my ass off.
I can’t wait to be in heaven, watch you pitiful non-believers try to get in and watch Mary, the mother of Jesus, kick your asses all around the clouds. That will be my most awesome day.
-Brian Smith
The Church is funded entirely by your purchases of FSM merchandise. Thank you for your support.
An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
|
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. This means you're free to use the content but not sell it. More Details |
Thats a christian attitude right there, stressing violence and brutality, it’s people like you that got Jesus killed. hahaha…oh, and you suck at life. Go read the bible, friggin right wing. This whole site is a joke anyway. The End.
………….Um, question? Didn’t Jesus preach tolorance and understanding? Exactly how is the poster acting like a good Christian?
Anyway, considering that the rules for heaven seem to be SOO strict that only the fundis can get in, and all other religions/homosexuals/pretty much everyone else, are going to end up in hell….
Screw it, I’ll go to hell, sounds more interesting.
Brian Smith, if you’re so anxious to get to heaven, why don’t you accelerate the process, dude? Do us all a favor.
Just don’t take anybody else with ya, okay?
When we stand at the right hand of his noodliness, beside the beer volcano, we will know that our acts and deeds brought us there, Brian.
It is the doubters such as yourself, turning their backs upon him that will be the ones missing heaven.
Besides, our heaven is way, way cooler than yours. We have strippers and shit.
Yeah, whats so cool about YOUR heaven? What you can do there? Bore yourself for eternity. Well Pastafarian Heaven sounds me much better. BTW does anyone know, if there is a power plugs and net connection? I sure cant exist in heaven without my notebook, games a internet :)
Bobby- Thank God for what you are doing! Take Brian up here. Those little cracks
in the whole christian dogma muffin? - You are prying them open with a humorous laugh-lubricated jack-hammer. You have these midget-minded supplicators spinning around screaming like the unstable christ-o-drones they are. Their day of realization won’t be arragedon, it will be the day their brains de-laminate from realizing they have spent their whole lives worshiping something that doesn’t exist. A complete fucking waste of a life. Programmed tithing zombies. Give me your money and your brain.
Science is a theory…but some guy that looks like santa wearing a toga floating out in space with lightening bolts coming out if his fingers…that real. This crap has had it’s run…2000 years..better than the Gods of Rome. Give it up you brainwashed idiots.
The FSM is the new reality…bow to your new master!
Dude i dont think your going to get into your heven either with that attude. And if you do god will kick you out when he sees you laughing since he teaches compasion and forgivness. If your going to bleave in all that crap can you at least bleave in the moral vaules as well?
i think this clown is just sending in fake hatemail to try to rile us up. whateeeever
I just wanted to reply to Gill:
Some people don’t become Christians because of guilt feelings. They have lived lives in which they’ve committed many ugly acts and crimes, and they do not believe they can be forgiven by God and that a decent life can be given to them. However, the Bible clearly teaches that anyone, without exception, who seeks God and desires to be forgiven of his sins will be forgiven.
Jesus said, “Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37, KJV). Belief in Jesus (that he died for our sins and rose again, and is the mediator between us and God) is the only way to get into heaven. Christianity is the ONLY religion that is NOT based on works. Everything else, all throughout history, has always depended on works in order to get into paradise, heaven, etc.
Therefore, you are lacking complete knowledge of the faith when you say that the “rules” for getting into heaven are so strict. So I just wanted to clear that up for you and anyone else who are unaware. Also, I believe that too many people get RELIGION mixed up with CHRISTIANITY. There are people who “look like” Christians who are in fact not. They go to church and do all of their “works” because they believe they are supposed to, instead of out of love. But I just want to point out that with every example of hypocrisy in the church, a counter example can be pointed out showing people who are living consistently with the teaching of Jesus Christ (which is love). I am extremely disappointed and appalled by the behavior of some so-called Christians on this page. Of course maybe they really did mean well (I do not know their hearts), and we all fall short…but it is important to know that All Christians are sinners, but not all Christians are hypocrits. A Christian is not someone who claims they are without sin…to call oneself a Christian is to admit to being a sinner (1 John 1:5-2:2).
Thank you Gill, for allowing me the opportunity to help you out…and I truly hope I have added unto you something that you were not aware of before. Goodnight to all of my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I really can’t wait to get into heaven either, and I can’t wait to see non-believers like your try to get your pitiful butts in while I enjoy the beer volcanoes and the stripper factories.
RAmen
Brother Brian - please put aside all feelings of revenge, murder, and masturbation. Stripper Factories await you with FSM. No more guilt…no more masturbation while thinking if Mother looks down upon you! It is all free will and you can only reach its overwhelming pleasures with the ONE TRUE WORD of FSM. Please come and join us…please! Thank you.
I am not worried at all about the “virgin” Mary. The Flying Spaghetti Monster will most likely bitch slap her around and I will get go to visit the beer volcano and stripper factory. It will be me who laughs at you in your heaven where you have to listen to the non-sensical rantings of those child-molesters you call priests and some 2000 year old dead guy while I am drinking a beer and partying with my newly found stripper friends.
Brian, you have to learn one day that, whether there is this so called “proof” of your so called “God” or whatever, the world is a cruel place, and the only savior there’ll ever be is the FSM, so, dont expect to have such an easy way in to heaven, FSM bitch slaps all the haters in hell.
Pennhigh: I don’t know how they do it in your neck of the woods, but I distinctly recall getting lesson after lesson in Sunday School about Jesus, with extra attention paid to the details of his execution. Blood! Nails! Thorns! Stab!
Now I could be looking at this the wrong way, but maybe, just maybe, a young child may be influenced to feel guilt if they were specifically told that part of the reason this person was sacrificed is because the child is evil and sinful…..The whole damn story is SUPPOSED to promote feelings of guilt! Get it???
And Brian: Please go to heaven now. Start chopping down trees there, and get a good supply of firewood ready so you can help crank up the heat. Just imagine the sense of accomplishment you will have!
Wow! How can you represent Christ and talk to people like this? Sure it’s wrong, but you never, ever talk to someone like this. Did Jesus not save the prostitute from being stoned?
This email, sent by this “believer”, is exactly why Christians are stereotyped as intolerant, ignorant, stuck up hypocrits. Being raised in a military family and traveling all over the world, I have learned that the only way to reach someone is through love, not persecution.
In the words of the great Dallas Taylor (from old Underoath):
“No matter how hard you try you can’t convince me that you represent Christ
no more, I’m fed up with this… you’ve already killed too many souls
it’s time you wake up and see the truth Christian,
I stand not afraid of my beliefs
learn to love your enemies, to open their eyes you must be willing to die
look at your own wrongs before you look at someone else’s
you want to save souls or put souls to death
giving our Savior a bad name, giving me a bad name
you’re so wrong with your beliefs,
sit in church every week, but never do you help the weak?”
-Heart of Stone (song title)
Man, that is such a good song!
Love all you guys. Hit up my blog!
to Pennhigh—-wow. Wasn’t expecting a responce. Anyway, since you seem to think otherwise, I’m not so ignorant of your religion. My town is made up of about half Christians, half Jews, (but the kind of Christian who isn’t out to convert half the world, thankfully) so I think I know enough to know what I am talking about.
Your post honestly made me feel all the more dperessed for humanity. ‘Christianity is the only religion that doesn’t involve works?’ Well, fuck! I think I’ll go believe in Jesus now so I can kill people and still get a free pass to heaven. What about all those Muslims out there who are good people? What about the babies who die before they’re old enough to understand religion? What about those who’ve never heard of Christ? And how about us Jews, are we stuck in hell too?
How about Hitler? How about the leaders of the crusades? How about all those wonderful Christians out there who’ve killed in the name of Jeezuz?
Like I said, if ONLY christians can go to heaven, then I’d MUCH rather go to hell. I’d never worship any god who told me that all others were doomed, because–no offence, of course–that god would be, to my mind, a real royal son of a bitch. Is Jesus so self-centered that he needs everyone to bow down to him? Seems to me he’d be more concerned with what kind of person someone was then whether or not they prayed to him.
Personally, this world would be a LOT better if people were more concerned with a person’s behavior/actions, rather then what RELIGION someone was.
/rant. (god, I hope this girl responds! ….and my apologizes for anyone else who bothered to read all that, heh heh. I’m not actually anti-christian at all, I’m just anti-christian-fundies ^^)
My heaven has beer volcanos and a stripper factory. I’ll take the Pepsi Challenge against your choir of androgynous angels any day. Difference between our real heaven and your imaginary one is that only I get to go to mine, and let’s face it, neither one of us could qualify to get into yours.
And don’t suspect we haven’t done our research into your faith. Most of us came from your religion, silly sinning non-believer. It’s all the blind faith we had in it that drove us away. You get your Pat Robertsons off TV and see if you can make a comeback. That guy is doing more for FSM than anything we could ever do.
Beer volcanos as far as the eye can see… Stripper factories… pay attention.
Will Jesus and Mary also be packin a gat?
Dear religious zealot,
er… I mean Mr. Smith,
You act like God and friends are just a bunch of thugs with brass knuckles. Perhaps if your invisible man taught religious tolerance, which I thought was a given in Christianity, maybe you wouldn’t be “laughing your ass off”. Standing at the pearly gates are we? Thinking a little high of yourself aren’t you?
There is no such thing as Holier than thou, and you sir can (to quote NLO) “Eat a bag of dicks!”
Thank you asswipe,
Allen
If you truly knew what awaited these foolish mockers after they are seperated from the Lord for eternity you would not look forward to it with glee. You would weep for them. You would dedicate your life to sharing Gods love with them. I am sickened to my heart by this website but it is not man we fight against; it is the evil one, the father of lies who has tricked these poor people that we are at war with.
Oh please. Save your “pity these fools” garbage for someone who deserves it. No one has tricked us, we believe because WE simply do. How do you know someone hasn’t tricked YOU into believing in your so-called “merciful” god who you seem confident will damn us to eternal suffering. Doesn’t soud too “merciful” to me.