Hi,
I seriously can’t wait to get into heaven! I can’t wait until I see you non-believers try to get in. I will seriously be laughing my ass off.
I can’t wait to be in heaven, watch you pitiful non-believers try to get in and watch Mary, the mother of Jesus, kick your asses all around the clouds. That will be my most awesome day.
-Brian Smith
Thats a christian attitude right there, stressing violence and brutality, it’s people like you that got Jesus killed. hahaha…oh, and you suck at life. Go read the bible, friggin right wing. This whole site is a joke anyway. The End.
………….Um, question? Didn’t Jesus preach tolorance and understanding? Exactly how is the poster acting like a good Christian?
Anyway, considering that the rules for heaven seem to be SOO strict that only the fundis can get in, and all other religions/homosexuals/pretty much everyone else, are going to end up in hell….
Screw it, I’ll go to hell, sounds more interesting.
Brian Smith, if you’re so anxious to get to heaven, why don’t you accelerate the process, dude? Do us all a favor.
Just don’t take anybody else with ya, okay?
When we stand at the right hand of his noodliness, beside the beer volcano, we will know that our acts and deeds brought us there, Brian.
It is the doubters such as yourself, turning their backs upon him that will be the ones missing heaven.
Besides, our heaven is way, way cooler than yours. We have strippers and shit.
Yeah, whats so cool about YOUR heaven? What you can do there? Bore yourself for eternity. Well Pastafarian Heaven sounds me much better. BTW does anyone know, if there is a power plugs and net connection? I sure cant exist in heaven without my notebook, games a internet :)
Bobby- Thank God for what you are doing! Take Brian up here. Those little cracks
in the whole christian dogma muffin? - You are prying them open with a humorous laugh-lubricated jack-hammer. You have these midget-minded supplicators spinning around screaming like the unstable christ-o-drones they are. Their day of realization won’t be arragedon, it will be the day their brains de-laminate from realizing they have spent their whole lives worshiping something that doesn’t exist. A complete fucking waste of a life. Programmed tithing zombies. Give me your money and your brain.
Science is a theory…but some guy that looks like santa wearing a toga floating out in space with lightening bolts coming out if his fingers…that real. This crap has had it’s run…2000 years..better than the Gods of Rome. Give it up you brainwashed idiots.
The FSM is the new reality…bow to your new master!
Dude i dont think your going to get into your heven either with that attude. And if you do god will kick you out when he sees you laughing since he teaches compasion and forgivness. If your going to bleave in all that crap can you at least bleave in the moral vaules as well?
i think this clown is just sending in fake hatemail to try to rile us up. whateeeever
I just wanted to reply to Gill:
Some people don’t become Christians because of guilt feelings. They have lived lives in which they’ve committed many ugly acts and crimes, and they do not believe they can be forgiven by God and that a decent life can be given to them. However, the Bible clearly teaches that anyone, without exception, who seeks God and desires to be forgiven of his sins will be forgiven.
Jesus said, “Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37, KJV). Belief in Jesus (that he died for our sins and rose again, and is the mediator between us and God) is the only way to get into heaven. Christianity is the ONLY religion that is NOT based on works. Everything else, all throughout history, has always depended on works in order to get into paradise, heaven, etc.
Therefore, you are lacking complete knowledge of the faith when you say that the “rules” for getting into heaven are so strict. So I just wanted to clear that up for you and anyone else who are unaware. Also, I believe that too many people get RELIGION mixed up with CHRISTIANITY. There are people who “look like” Christians who are in fact not. They go to church and do all of their “works” because they believe they are supposed to, instead of out of love. But I just want to point out that with every example of hypocrisy in the church, a counter example can be pointed out showing people who are living consistently with the teaching of Jesus Christ (which is love). I am extremely disappointed and appalled by the behavior of some so-called Christians on this page. Of course maybe they really did mean well (I do not know their hearts), and we all fall short…but it is important to know that All Christians are sinners, but not all Christians are hypocrits. A Christian is not someone who claims they are without sin…to call oneself a Christian is to admit to being a sinner (1 John 1:5-2:2).
Thank you Gill, for allowing me the opportunity to help you out…and I truly hope I have added unto you something that you were not aware of before. Goodnight to all of my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I really can’t wait to get into heaven either, and I can’t wait to see non-believers like your try to get your pitiful butts in while I enjoy the beer volcanoes and the stripper factories.
RAmen
Brother Brian - please put aside all feelings of revenge, murder, and masturbation. Stripper Factories await you with FSM. No more guilt…no more masturbation while thinking if Mother looks down upon you! It is all free will and you can only reach its overwhelming pleasures with the ONE TRUE WORD of FSM. Please come and join us…please! Thank you.
I am not worried at all about the “virgin” Mary. The Flying Spaghetti Monster will most likely bitch slap her around and I will get go to visit the beer volcano and stripper factory. It will be me who laughs at you in your heaven where you have to listen to the non-sensical rantings of those child-molesters you call priests and some 2000 year old dead guy while I am drinking a beer and partying with my newly found stripper friends.
Brian, you have to learn one day that, whether there is this so called “proof” of your so called “God” or whatever, the world is a cruel place, and the only savior there’ll ever be is the FSM, so, dont expect to have such an easy way in to heaven, FSM bitch slaps all the haters in hell.
Pennhigh: I don’t know how they do it in your neck of the woods, but I distinctly recall getting lesson after lesson in Sunday School about Jesus, with extra attention paid to the details of his execution. Blood! Nails! Thorns! Stab!
Now I could be looking at this the wrong way, but maybe, just maybe, a young child may be influenced to feel guilt if they were specifically told that part of the reason this person was sacrificed is because the child is evil and sinful…..The whole damn story is SUPPOSED to promote feelings of guilt! Get it???
And Brian: Please go to heaven now. Start chopping down trees there, and get a good supply of firewood ready so you can help crank up the heat. Just imagine the sense of accomplishment you will have!
Wow! How can you represent Christ and talk to people like this? Sure it’s wrong, but you never, ever talk to someone like this. Did Jesus not save the prostitute from being stoned?
This email, sent by this “believer”, is exactly why Christians are stereotyped as intolerant, ignorant, stuck up hypocrits. Being raised in a military family and traveling all over the world, I have learned that the only way to reach someone is through love, not persecution.
In the words of the great Dallas Taylor (from old Underoath):
“No matter how hard you try you can’t convince me that you represent Christ
no more, I’m fed up with this… you’ve already killed too many souls
it’s time you wake up and see the truth Christian,
I stand not afraid of my beliefs
learn to love your enemies, to open their eyes you must be willing to die
look at your own wrongs before you look at someone else’s
you want to save souls or put souls to death
giving our Savior a bad name, giving me a bad name
you’re so wrong with your beliefs,
sit in church every week, but never do you help the weak?”
-Heart of Stone (song title)
Man, that is such a good song!
Love all you guys. Hit up my blog!
to Pennhigh—-wow. Wasn’t expecting a responce. Anyway, since you seem to think otherwise, I’m not so ignorant of your religion. My town is made up of about half Christians, half Jews, (but the kind of Christian who isn’t out to convert half the world, thankfully) so I think I know enough to know what I am talking about.
Your post honestly made me feel all the more dperessed for humanity. ‘Christianity is the only religion that doesn’t involve works?’ Well, fuck! I think I’ll go believe in Jesus now so I can kill people and still get a free pass to heaven. What about all those Muslims out there who are good people? What about the babies who die before they’re old enough to understand religion? What about those who’ve never heard of Christ? And how about us Jews, are we stuck in hell too?
How about Hitler? How about the leaders of the crusades? How about all those wonderful Christians out there who’ve killed in the name of Jeezuz?
Like I said, if ONLY christians can go to heaven, then I’d MUCH rather go to hell. I’d never worship any god who told me that all others were doomed, because–no offence, of course–that god would be, to my mind, a real royal son of a bitch. Is Jesus so self-centered that he needs everyone to bow down to him? Seems to me he’d be more concerned with what kind of person someone was then whether or not they prayed to him.
Personally, this world would be a LOT better if people were more concerned with a person’s behavior/actions, rather then what RELIGION someone was.
/rant. (god, I hope this girl responds! ….and my apologizes for anyone else who bothered to read all that, heh heh. I’m not actually anti-christian at all, I’m just anti-christian-fundies ^^)
My heaven has beer volcanos and a stripper factory. I’ll take the Pepsi Challenge against your choir of androgynous angels any day. Difference between our real heaven and your imaginary one is that only I get to go to mine, and let’s face it, neither one of us could qualify to get into yours.
And don’t suspect we haven’t done our research into your faith. Most of us came from your religion, silly sinning non-believer. It’s all the blind faith we had in it that drove us away. You get your Pat Robertsons off TV and see if you can make a comeback. That guy is doing more for FSM than anything we could ever do.
Beer volcanos as far as the eye can see… Stripper factories… pay attention.
Will Jesus and Mary also be packin a gat?
Dear religious zealot,
er… I mean Mr. Smith,
You act like God and friends are just a bunch of thugs with brass knuckles. Perhaps if your invisible man taught religious tolerance, which I thought was a given in Christianity, maybe you wouldn’t be “laughing your ass off”. Standing at the pearly gates are we? Thinking a little high of yourself aren’t you?
There is no such thing as Holier than thou, and you sir can (to quote NLO) “Eat a bag of dicks!”
Thank you asswipe,
Allen
If you truly knew what awaited these foolish mockers after they are seperated from the Lord for eternity you would not look forward to it with glee. You would weep for them. You would dedicate your life to sharing Gods love with them. I am sickened to my heart by this website but it is not man we fight against; it is the evil one, the father of lies who has tricked these poor people that we are at war with.
Oh please. Save your “pity these fools” garbage for someone who deserves it. No one has tricked us, we believe because WE simply do. How do you know someone hasn’t tricked YOU into believing in your so-called “merciful” god who you seem confident will damn us to eternal suffering. Doesn’t soud too “merciful” to me.
“Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.”
And besides, if what the fundamentalists have been saying is true (essentially, you can’t do this, that, and the other inane thing if you want to go to heaven), then Hell would contain pretty much Earth without the fundies.
Sounds like heaven to me.
“…will damn us to eternal suffering. Doesn’t soud too “merciful†to me.
God does not want to see anyone go to hell. Jesus came to earth to die for our sins* and all we have to do is believe this in our hearts and confess He is Lord and we will be saved. There is absolutley no good reason why any of us should go to hell now. On the last day God will open all our eyes and if you do find yourself in hell you will realise that you have no excuse. You will have chosen to go there. The last thing God wants is for one of his children to be seperated from him but his perfect Holiness demands that he must punish sin and if you will not accept the gift that is Christs substitutionary sacrifice he will not force you to. He gave you free will so that if you decided to return His love, that love would be real and not forced.
* I was about to go into how Jesus’ death paid for our sins but I decided that was not the point I was trying to make. If you would like me to explain this let me know.
“Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.â€
I would rather be the lowest of the low in Gods Kingdom than be a ruler in Hell but what makes you think that Satan has plans to let us rule? I imagine i’d be to busy screaming to do much ruling.
Try to think before you speak.
To all you who doubt the authority of the bible. Hands up if you’ve ever read it from front to back? Get yourself a bible and say to God: “God i’m not even convinced you exist but I am honestly seeking truth if you do exist and if the bible really is your word to us then help me to see this” and then read it. God will not be offended with an honest seeker and what do you have to lose.
I think my problem is that I assume that y’all are interested in finding out the truth. I’m not so sure you all are. I think the bible is the truth but more importantly i’m wondering how many of you are even actively looking for the truth.
I am sorry if my words sound harsh or condescending but surely you can take it. We are all “man” enough to listen to a few harsh things being said about us without crying that our feelings are hurt aren’t we.
Peace.
Whoever said we were hurt? I was just pointing out your close-mindedness and the fact that you “pity” us just because we aren’t of your religion. Do you also pitty the Muslim?
Sorry, I don’t want to fill this thread with my ramblings but my mind is not as sharp as some of yours and and my thoughts come in spurts that could probably have been laid out in one post. I just want to say that if you are an honest truth seeker and you have done the hard work and researched earnestly and you find that I am in error in my beliefs then I can respect that( I respectfuly disagree but respect none the less)but if you are going to sit there and regurgitate the well thought out, legitimate criticisms that others have given of the Christian faith that you do not even understand, If you are going to mock me for believing what I believe having done no searching yourself and having nothing better to offer then I have no respect for you and I will not even bother to respond to you. I have already been foolish to respond seriously to someone who I perceive thinks this all a big joke.
Exactly! This is a big joke! But that’s beside the point.
I say what I do because I believe it. I’m not saying that my religion is right and that yours is wrong, I’m just saying that regardless of who I worship and how I do so, you should still respect me as a person and not tell me I’m going to burn in hell for worshiping a flying spaghetti monster. That’s why Christianity has gotten the bad image it has today. Just relax and let life take you places. Instead of telling someone they’re going to burn in hell if they don’t convert, just make friends. If they convert on their own or with coercing from you then good. If they do not then don’t threaten them, just try to enjoy your friendship and both your lives to the fullest.
Of course i’m close minded. You wouldn’t leave the door to your house open so that anyone who wanted could just walk into your house and do harm to you would you? Then why would you leave the “door” to your mind open so that any dangerous or pointless thought that cared to enter could get in. Sorry about that I couldn’t help myself. In the way that you mean it, no, I am not close minded. My mind was way open when I was searching for the truth but when I found it it filled my mind and there is no longer any room for what isn’t true. Or something like that. lol. Let me put it this way I am sure about what I believe in and I am not sure why you would even be offended when I say that the way I believe is the only way to believe. If you thought I was a nut you’d laugh at me and move on but it is when you recognize the truth but aren’t prepared to surrender to it that you get all indignant. When someone tells me I stink when it is clear that I don’t I don’t get offended but when someone tells me I stink when I do, then I am likely to say “Why don’t you mind your own business”
ditto, steve. My mind is filled with the truth now, and I have no space for lies like christianity.
If I believe you are going to burn in hell for eternity if you fail to do something and I know what it is your supposed to do but don’t tell you what it is you need to do then I am a monster of the worst kind. Your problem is that you do not want to belive that you might go to hell because you know what the remedy is but you’re not prepared to take it. You’ve got it backwards. It is the Christians that know how to help you but don’t bother to because they just want to get along with everybody that you should be sickened by not those who are prepared to be mocked by you as long as they can help you make sure you get to heaven. It’s my job as a christian to lead people to Christ and I count it a blessing to be mocked in His name. Mock me all you want. I hope we can have a good laugh about it between singing songs of praise to the Lord God Almighy in heaven.
Peace.
ditto, steve. My mind is filled with the truth now, and I have no space for lies like christianity.
Good one! Tell me, do you right all your own material?
Your tenacity is most admirable my friend. You are truely dedicated to your cause and I respect that to no end, but you are still missing my point. I’m not being offended by what your saying, I’m just trying to point out that you really shouldn’t go around telling everyone that they’re going to burn in hell.
Exactly Sharpie, in my Christian walk I have seen that people come to the Lord through love, not hate and picketing, telling people they are going to hell or their dead son is in hell or something. Speak with love and compassion. As C.S. Lewis said “This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.â€
The Abrahamic Religions are all insane, backward-thinking, intolerant, cults that just happen to have more followers than the Church of Scientology. Which by the way if you study the life of L. Ron Hubbard you will get a true basis for the REAL life of Jesus and Muhammad (i.e. a greedy fraud who manages to make his teachings of extortion a successful religion).
At this point I think that the only way to ensure the survival of the human race is to wipe out the Abrahamic religions to the point where all that is left of them is their names (like what happened to the religions of Mithraism and Manichaeism). In order to do that we will need several billion bullets and people willing to kill as many fundamentalists as they can (and hey, since the fundies WANT to die to meet the Invisible Pink Unicorn… I mean GOD we will be doing them a favor).
Who is with me? Or should we not even bother and go eat some pie?
Steve,
I think it’s important for you to understand that I was raised Catholic. I went through CCD, first communion, confirmation, and all the rest of it. To answer a question you posed in an earlier post, I have read the Bible cover-to-cover and found it filled with inconsistencies and propaganda. I reject it. I reject all of it. I reject your religion and I deny the existence of your god. Please, understand that I am not trying to attack you. You have as much right to believe and worship as you see fit and I will not fault you for it. However, I expect to be given the same consideration.
Now, if Christianity was the truth (which it isnt):
If there is something occultism has learned us, is that you can enslave demons, and thus, they should fear us by now.
I mean, Aleister Crowley must be the lord of hell by now with all his spellcasting and all (even though I do not think he ever directly enslaved a demon). The only thing that is going on down there is shagging (Crowley’s the boss, you know) and lots of poor demons doing menial tasks.
But of course, FSM is the truth, and I show no “love” towards the slayer of millions. Think of all the races (yes, human races!) he slaughtered for a good laugh in the old testament.
Uh huh… I think you left your sanity back at the gas station Cyberatog. Do us a favor and retrieve it please.
I saw the best bumper sticker the other day. It said, “I think when Jesus said to love one another he meant that we shouldn’t kill them.” This is so fitting in this age of war that we are in. If you believe in Jesus, which you claim that you do, I believe he also meant that his followers should not call others bad names and threaten them, but enlighten them in a way that will make them understand and believe in him. I, personally, do not believe in Jesus, but I am very educated regarding the bible, and I can tell you, sir, you are going about this ALL WRONG!
Y’know what, steve? Go ahead and worship Christ. Have fun. I don’t care. I think I’d lose my mind if I followed that religion, but hey, to each his own, right? Just don’t go around thinking you can tell everyone else what not and what to worship; I’m perfectly satisified with my own religion, thank you very much.
And I highly doubt anyone here is ‘offended’ by your comments; I for one am just sorta amused.
At what layer of the atmosphere is heaven located?
i must say one thing, so many people WANT to go to heaven, but none of them are WILLING to walk the road there. to go to heaven you have to DIE first
Bingo. Did you know that a fear of death is considered ungodly in the Christian eyes because the only thing you should fear is God himself? It’s as if Christianity was made to keep people out of heaven, then someone thought, “Hey, this is a bit strict! Let’s martyr someone and give these brainwashed people some hope.”
In response to Steve’s question a while back, yes I do write my own material. I’m a constant source of my own amusement. I’m laughing as I write this. Damn, I’m good.
Is the stripper factory for females only or are there male strippers as well?
All most certainly Jane. I think it’s often pictured as a female stripper factory because it’s most frequently referenced by men. But on the other side of the building is where the women can gather. As most of the men don’t want to see that. Also, if there’s any question there are some places on the Beer Volcano that spout many exotic flavors of Wine Coolers as they are just flavored beer. All are welcomed and accomidated in FSM heaven. Another round!!!
How did we go from talking about someone wanting us to burn in hell to what heaven will be like?
I am a homosexual. Your “heaven” was denied to me since I hit puberty. If your heaven is going to be full of hatred and stupidity, then I’m glad im not going. Oh, im sorry, I can go to your heaven if I apoligize and ask forgiveness to your god for being what I am? Its ideas like that that make me sick. Furthermore, I would like to tell all of you Christians that I do not hate you, nor do I harbor any ill will towards you. What I do not understand though, is how The Flying Spaghetti Monster can be so wrong and taboo? What makes you so POSITIVE that your god is right? No one is sure, and thats why religion is a CHOICE. Let us be who we are because we let you be who you are.
Hindus, Taosists, Muslims, Buddhists, Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Jews, Athiests, and Agnostics are a few of the many people that are NOT allowed in Christian heaven, so its gunna get mighty lonely. I look forward to seeing all Pastafarians when I die.
May you always remain saucy,
William
P.S. The bible says that in heaven people will loose their physical form, so those eyes that you’ll “see us trying to get into heaven” with will not exist. That big mouth that you “will laugh your ass off” with will not exist.
Ok, you guys gotta get your facts straight. That is not Christian attitude. That is Catholic. Christian and Catholic is not the same thing. Catholic people worships Mary, “the mother of Jesus”, not God. Catholic people have certain issues so dont believe that that guy is anywhere close to Christian.
By the way, dude that is homosexual, Christians have no problem if you were born with it. Its not that at all. Everything is made for a reason. Without reason, it wont exist at all. God made you who you are. Its just how you live your life that we are disappointed. I mean come on, guys werent meant for guys. That’s why girls have holes and guys have poles. It “fits” and is there for a reason. That is just plain common sense guys. Even non-christian people can figure that out. Even those who praise FSM can figure that one out. If not, then you guys are not fit to handle these kinds of debate.
William,
I am sorry that you have been hurt. There are bad people out there that call themselves by all names (some of the FSM’s are as vulgar as the people who have told you that you are hell-bound). We’re not all like that. All Christians aren’t bigoted, just like all Muslims aren’t terrorists.
“Let us be who we are because we let you be who you are.”
I wish that were a true statement, but Christians get labeled as blind, bigoted, and ignorant quite a lot. (I’m an idiot because I don’t have blind faith in evolution, right?) I think that it is because people only see the vocal minority that loudly scream hatred instead of love. John 3:16 is considered one of the core tenants in Christianity, but most people forget what directly follows it: For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.
Peace be with you,
Mallery
Sorry, Im the one who posted that up there, didnt notice there was another josh.
And you guys can be stupid sometimes. First of all, Christians arent the only ones who is allowed to heaven. Anyone who believes in Jesus Christ through faith will they be saved. So Jews, just because youre not Christian doesnt mean your not going to heaven. As long as we pretty much believe in the same Jesus or God, theres no reason to say that Christians are the only ones going to heaven cause theyre not. As long as one believes in Christ through faith will they be saved. I repeated that for some of you are just posting without thinking about it. Oh and by the way, if you guys truly believe about this FSM, then what about those that didnt here about it a few years ago? I guess theyre all in hell now right? And Christianity is not based off of pagan religions. There were actual prophesies that the Messiah would come and Jesuse fullfilled many of those prophesies. The rest he will fullfill on his comeback. The FSM was never thought of until like what, a few years ago?
I may sound like some old preacher for saying this but where is the morality in having stripper bars and beer? I mean come on, alcohol and AIDS(due to sexual arousal in stripper bars) has caused more deaths than Christianity. And no, the Crusades were stupid. Real people who actually have a personal relationship with God would not kill to force their religion. So no, the people who made the crusades are not Christians. They may say they are, but they go down to whole list of hypocrites.
…..Wow. WOW. Josh, no offence, but you just made yourself sound like a true blue idiot. YOU’RE the one posting without thinking about it.
“As long as we pretty much believe in the same Jesus or God, theres no reason to say that Christians are the only ones going to heaven cause theyre not. As long as one believes in Christ through faith will they be saved.” –Only christians believe in christ!! I’m a Jew, and I DON’T worship christ! I think he was a cool dude who had cool ideas, died, and…uh…that’s about it. I don’t think he was the son of god. Niether do Wiccans, Muslims, Pastafariens….or anyone else besides Christians. That’s the whole point of being a christian, is to worship Jesus!
Christianity IS based off pagan religions–the christmas tree, for one, was a pagen tradition before Jesus was ever born.
And, lastly, The Flying Spaghetti God doesn’t send anyone to hell based on what they worship. Read the gospile (sp?) and you’ll see. ;)
I wonder if the ‘fundies’ (love that!) that post here have ever REALLY read the bible - and I mean the WHOLE thing.
Here - try Leviticus 3:17: ” ‘This is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come, wherever you live: You must not eat any fat or any blood.’ ”
Damn, no more steaks…
You can play that game for hours - try it. Reading the Bible from stem to stern is what put me OFF religion - maybe more people should try it…
I see more sense in the FSM than in the mighty smiter of the Bible…
Reading the initial post from Brian Smith made my blood freeze from fear.. he is using the same logic the people who flew the planes into the twin towers used.. the fanatics who blow themselves up cos they cannot wait to go to heaven. I am a Christian myself but I do not recognise people like Brian or many of the hate mail-posters in this site. I have not found that my belief conflicts with my scientific knowledge and I am quite comfortable with the theory of evolution. I am also comfortable that God is behind all life in the universe, He is what others call the life force, mother earth or whatever. I believe that He has shown Himself to humanity in many ways and as long as we love each other as ourselves we fullfil His design for us. The rest just divides us and takes as away from God.
Notice though that I believe all this and I know it to be true in my heart but I also know that evolution is a fact. If people are too insecure in their belief to accept that they are doing their religion a disservice.
just when i thought christain extremists couldn’t get more hypocrytical. Think about it in 20 years some of these people will be the new Taliban. Not all christains are that nuts just like all muslims aren’t terrorists. But all the crazy people get publicity and give everyone a bad name.
And from what I’ve heard, She has a third degree black belt; so that will be a hard, well executed kick in your ass, man! That’s the love they give away… No wonder tehy have rottweiller for a Pope, huh?
Just an observation: Why is it that the more ‘fundie’ the posting, the worse the grammar and spelling gets? Could it have something to do with …….. intelligence? Or Does his Noodly Appendage intervene for the faithful in this matter? Ramen
I’d be glad to send this guy to heaven, where His Noodleness will devour him, poop him out, and devour him for all eternety.
ok u guyz r really wierd ur argueing about a oso very tasty spaghetti monster and some otha gods. WTF R U GUYZ ON?!?!?! seriously i might as well worship a cute fluffy tarantula. c’mon heaven theres ony two things there a stripper factory and a beer volcano WHERE THE FUK WOULD U LIVE CMON WOULD U JUST PASS OUT IN SOME RANDOM PLACE EVERY NIGHT? u ppl suck and christians fuck u ive gone 2 a catholic school all my life its a LOAD OF SHIT!!! if your going to bellyache about some other persons religion you dont really have lives do you? GO WORSHIP UR OWN FUKING GOD AND SEE IF ANYONE CARES EVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO THERE OWN OPINION SERIOUSLY!!
freak, you don’t get the point with this religion, do you?
No? Well, go drink some oil.
Bloody freaky bastard.
And as we all know after reading the bible, God is a pretty unstable, psychotic diety. There is no doubt that he might aswell be Sargoth-Kuul. As Penn & Teller once said, God works in mysterious, ineffective and brutal ways.
RAmen.
Well put Cybertog.
As for you, freak; I’d like to know what is so terrible about an intelligent debate that you must come in and use some of the worst grammar I’ve ever seen to rant about how much you detest religion. If we’re the ones without lives, how come we had a long enough one to finish school?
Personally, Steve, I would rather be a foolish mocker than have my sense of humour surgically excised by some inbred fundamentalist bible thumping moron, which is obviously what happened in your case. In addition I would rather be associated with a religion where I can look forward to being touched by His noodly appendage, than having a torched shrub tell me to to go home and kebab my kid… to mention but one instance of “Christian Godly Love”. Anyway the beer vulcano seems like a more interesting place than some cloud (looking at the peole who I get to share it with)…and I never did learn how to play the harp. I wish you all the happiness that you deserve spreading your word in the manner to which you seem to be accustomed.
Dear Steve & Every One of the Christ Commandos,
You ask if we have read the Bible from front to back in order to better understand it and the “word” of Christ. You ask if we have spent time with it before we decide if it is the truth that we need to find in our lives - to make our lives more special, more meaningful.
I want to ask if you too have read the works of other religions in order to discover their truths? Have you purchased and/or read (from cover to cover) the following books of other religions, ideas, paths:
The Gospel of Q - many theorize and suggest that it predates and is the basis of the Gospels of Luke & Mathew - these books came 20 to 50 years before the later Gospels and were written around 50 CE – they paint a very different version of the teachings of Jesus
The Full Gnostic Gospels - including The Gospel of Mary, The Gospel of Judas, The Gospel of Thomas, and many more
The Book of Mormon - Mormon Sacred Text
The Doctrine and Covenants - Mormon Sacred Text
The Pearl of Great Price - Mormon Sacred Text
The Tanakh - Jewish Sacred Texts - includes the Torah, Nevi’im, & Ketuvim
The Talmud - Book of Jewish Laws, Rights, Customs, Ethics and History
The Qur’an - Muslim Sacred Text
The Hadith - Muslim Sacred Text
The Agamas - Scriptures used in Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism
The Mahayana Sutras - Buddhist Scriptures
The Pali Canon - Buddhist Sacred Text
The Teachings of Siddhartha Gautama - Buddhist Sacred Text
The Analects - Confucianism Sacred Text
Tao-Te Ching - Taoist Sacred Text
The Bhagavad-Gita - Hidnu Sacred Text
The Vedas - Hindu Sacred Text
The Zhuan Falun - Falun Gon Sacred Text
The China Falun Gong - Falun Gon Sacred Text
The Poetic Edda - Icelandic/Nordic Sacred Text - Earth Based Religion
The Sagas of Cormac The Skald and Grettir The Strong - Icelandic/Nordic Sacred Text - Earth Based Religion
The Urantia Book - Metaphysical/Spiritual Sacred Text
Dianetics - Scientology Text
The Gospel of FSM - The Sacred Text of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
If you are being cheap/frugal I have links to all of the above mentioned books for online reading, all except for The Gospel of FSM. Just let me know if you want the full list with links. I’ll gladly email it to you for your reading pleasure.
I know, I know you’re probably saying who cares about ALL those books! You just need the Bible in order to find God and everything else is false prophecy. But I say why not at least know through education, reading and serious study the current religions of the people you are trying to win over. You know get to know the mindset of the people you are converting in the name of Jesus/God.
You see when debating such matters and issues – especially such a charged topic as religion, faith and a higher being – you need to look at the matter from ALL sides! You need to discover Allah in order to know your God. You need to sit with false teachings in order to know what teaching you feel connected with.
We are lucky in America and in our western technology world to have the option to read alternative concepts to our own. Some countries are just told to take religion as fact and if you do not worship as I do you’re killed. Kind of harkens back to the good old days of Witch Burnings, Crusades and even today’s communist China. You see we can go online and read about other religions by visiting sites like Beliefnet or Wikipedia. We can go to our libraries and take out books about other religions. We can make an informed decision, instead of being forced to follow one path based on ignorance.
Trust me – buying, owning, renting and reading books about other religions - will not melt your skin. It will not kill you to read the Bhagavad-Gita or the Gospel of Thomas. With the knowledge gained through intelligent reading you can them make a better decision about your own personal religion. Through reading you will be able to argue or discuss the validity or non-validity of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. You can debate more fully why FSM is a wrong path teaching and why the Bible is correct.
Only by knowing ALL the works of ALL religions can you properly define - to people who do not worship the same as you - the validity of your faith and the righteousness of your chosen path to God. You would not want anyone on this website or of any other religion/faith to come to your church or your house to declare your teachings false. Especially if they had no idea what you believe. The same goes for the people who worship alternative religions than you. Remember you came to this site to preach your faith and religion. In no way did the owners and visitors of this site come to you for your advise! Advise that is based on one story, one way of thinking, one version of the greater picture.
Has anyone who comes to this site to preach about Jesus or for the Holy Bible ever read any of the above books? Have you even read the Gospel of the FSM? Yet you come on here to declare the wrongness of one faith over another. So many of the people of the Church of FSM have seen what the Bible is about. Many of us have or have owned Bibles. Many of us have been raised as Christians or through the Christian way of life or church. So coming to this site to preach to us is in vain, hence we have been and seen what the Fundamentalist Church has to offer. All the good (loving?) judgments it has passed over our heads. We have seen people beaten, killed, punished for not worshiping or loving a God who supposedly gave us freewill in order to decide for ourselves. We have seen the great sins of the Church of God. The sins of the followers of Christ. At some point we each willfully and of our own (as you insist God-given) freewill decided that the Christian interpretation of the life of Jesus was not for us, for our families, for the good of humanity!
So back to my original point. When you come to this site and say we shall burn in hell for not accepting as you do. When you insist that the Virgin Mary will beat us up when we reach Heaven. When you say you can’t wait to mock us for not getting into Heaven. By failing to play the game by the rules Jesus and God layer out for us so 1st century through the Bible. Please remember that…
Jesus was killed by his peers – judgmental peers who resisted his new teaching and his new testament. He was put to death by the Roman Government and Jewish Church for being a pain-in-the-ass. For causing a religious and rebellious movement aimed at creating peace and love for all. A movement that hopefully would erase the old judgmental dogma and archaic/outdated teachings. Remember that Jesus was betrayed by his own followers.
Remember that prior to his death Jesus broke bread with prostitutes, the homeless, beggars and criminals. He even died alongside criminals. He denounced the old covenant/teachings of the Jewish way, the oppressive Roman government state and was punished for his beliefs, for what he preached. He died – more aptly put he was murdered through capital punishment - for his failure to follow the old way of doing things.
Through his study, knowledge and observance of Jewish Laws/Customs he decided he was to denounce what was laid before him upon his birth. Jesus was successful because he knew what he was talking about. He knew the Old Testament inside and out! So please before you start on us why you chosen path is correct, before you condemn us for all eternity to a place you call Hell – learn something about the many other paths and ways of worship that exist outside of your religious narrow-mindedness.
All too many Christians forget one of the most important sayings in the Bible:
“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.†John 8:7
If you seriously would like to have the text to the above mentioned religious works email me at: rhodan69 at gmail dot com. As for the Gospel of the FSM – I suggest Amazon.com for a copy.
Well written indeed Mr. Smith. All I would like to add is something that all ‘fundies’ seem to have forgotten; ALL religions share the same basic message. Before the details as to how attain enlightenment/entrance to heaven/walhalla/-insert pleasant afterlife place here- are laid out in any religious work the very bottom line is; LOVE, RESPECT AND TOLERANCE. If more people just got that, we could perhaps push the deadline for getting into heaven (no pun intended, but it’s a pretty good one nonetheless, right?) forward a little bit. You know, bring it down to earth and all that. How sweet would that be? All those in favour say AYE!!
Seriously, I wonder about the grammar thing. Is this an age thing, where youngsters who have grown up in the Information Age use computer-speak? It’s like its own language, I guess. I don’t speak it. I’m computer-literate, yet I have decent English skills. One thing I love about this site is that there is a forum for me to express my views, and I get to play with language in a way that I don’t get to in my daily life. I’m playing! Although I’m pretty amused with myself, I’m amazed and awed time and time again by the intelligence, lucidity, and wit of so many people who post comments to the hate-mail. If his Noodliness will pardon me, it is qualities of his followers that has converted me. (That and the beer volcano.) I had quite the problem with alcohol when I was younger, and I haven’t had any alcohol (or other “drugs”) for over 18 years. When I die, though, all bets are off!!!!!! I guess if I went to an AA meeting, they would say I had a reservation. So be it. There, I said it.
YOU CANT LAUGH IN HEAVEN
My, my, is there to be an American Inquisition? Since when did Mary run around kicking butt? I thought she was full of grace and some such. *sigh* What simple minded cretins.
I believe that what goes up must come down. I have tested this theory all my adult life and I BELIEVE! You can see the evidence all around us, and at my web site LearnToHangGlide.com WahOOO!
First off all of you “christians” Jesus had a love so incomprehensible that he died for all of the people you now condemn, Let him who judges be judged. Examine your behavior and consider that only a short while ago I could have indulged in the pleasure of condemning you to the fires of hell and damnation but now my response which is getting repetative
I am currently contemplating on things which are very toubling to me,
I wonder how you view your life in light of the fact that only too soon your life will cease as well as mine, and at that appointed time both our lives will have amounted to absolute nothingness. Contemplating the complete worthlessness of both our lives i struggle to find reason to take in that next breath, for you and me are but a squelch of static about to be tuned out. Our lives both lead up to the our deaths and no more will our influence be felt or or achievments mater. And as the sun about which our planet orbits goes nova all of life on earth will have been reduced to mere nothingness. Complete waste of time is what are lives our. Absolute horror is what it is. Unless of course you have encountered the simple undeniable message of Salvation in Christ Jesus. then every breath matters. And a great deal of people including yourself may shoot me down and mock, scoff, persecute me. Incessantly prodding me to prove my faith’s validity and existence. But my God speaks for himself, but he has said that those with ears may hear and those with eyes may see but their hearts will be cold and hard as stone and your understanding may never grasp the gravity of our situation on this forsaken ball. I break into tears as i consider our fates a waste of life and breath we are for what starts, ends, Unless you know the One who started it…
Back to the author of the hate mail that started this thread ….
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Declaring that he will sit in heaven laughing at those who can not get in is such a hurtful thing. I’d suggest he is exhibiting the sins of pride and wraith … which will of course prevent him from getting into his heaven in the first place.
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Ahh yes, the ironies of the Christian blasphemers are endless.
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The meek and noodly shall inherit the earth.
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Ramen.
Isn’t hypocrisy great? And aren’t the Judeo-Christian religions the best at it?
Jose - I think you need help bud - sounds to me that you are depressed, and that is I suspect related to the whole Judeo-Christian guilt and pressure thing.
Might I suggest a bowl of Pasta and a substantial draught as an alternative to the option that is obviously causing you all this anguish? You will find, I think, that upon the contemplation of spending eternity drinking from a Beer Volcano through the simple act of allowing Him to touch you cold heart with His noodly appendage all this depression will dissapear - (the beer will also help).
The final step would be for you to buy a parrot. Once you realise that your new best friend is only inerested in where his next cracker is coming from all this existentialist angst will be put into context.
The FSM wants you to be happy now AND in the next life - obviously an innately superior system if you ask me - positive reinforcement, FSM does not demand that you withold from beer in this world - his rewards cross all boundries - possibly it is the subconcious knowledge that you are being shafted that is making you so sad? Just a thought - we do care - even for unbelievers *hic*
You sir are a idiot and an ass hat. You have no idea what your relegion is even about. They dont let sadistic people who laugh at the misfortune and or misery of others into heaven. I dont think Mary would become violent even towards the nonbeleivers. You really should take some time out of your busy hate filled day to read the scriptures of your own relegion. By the way it is people like you that make people not want to be christian. Jesus was cool with good things to say. You are just fuck tard.
your most awesome day is the one where you die? that sucks….
also we would live in the stripper factory….what fun!!!
Malice is a sin you you stupid son of a bitch, so I hope they kick your ass out for it.
By the way, When I die, I’m taking Chuck Norris with me.
Then we’ll see who’s asses are kicked around who’s cloud by whos spinning roundhouse action.
“By the way, When I die, I’m taking Chuck Norris with me.
Then we’ll see who’s asses are kicked around who’s cloud by whos spinning roundhouse action.”
I’ll bing Vinny Jones with me. See how tough Mary is with a big ol’ chunk bitten right out of her ear!
All hail the FSM!
just lost your ticket
Typical christian attitude and an eloquent writer to boot.This guy really loves a fairy tale.
Hey, you’re a christian right? Then forgive us.
Hehe, nothing like a wee giggle at a radical ‘fundie’ (I too love that word); ‘I will laugh at you from heaven, where I will be sitting having practiced the very sins that prevent me from getting there in the first place.’ Intriguing…
Anyways, call me a convert!
I was simply surfing the net at work (quiet day), when I came across a concept of such breathtaking a all-encompassing simplicity it took my breath away. Praise Be to the FSM, and blessed be all his followers. I was brought up Christian (although I will admit somehwat half-heartedly), but after I grew old enough to start asking questions, and didn’t receive any cogent answers, I lost faith (literally!). Having studied biology and evolution at uni, I obviously represent a somewhat one-sided view of things, but this thread does remind me of an interesting lecture I attended by an intelligent design proponent. He based essentially his ENTIRE argument around the fact that “Well, it’s like really really really unlikely that life will spontaneously form from molecules, and it’s all too perfect etc. etc.” However, considering the unfathomable vastness of the universe, I reckon that it’s entirely likely, in fact damn near certain, that it would happen somewhere. And lucky us! We just happened to be it.
So good on us. And if it helps people to have a crutch in the form of religion so that they can cope with the fact that they won’t live forever, then good on them too.
Peace to all ‘believers’.
That is really, seriously Christian of you.
MINGE !!!!!! … ur goin to hell u bag of shit
From the Book of Longshanks_2920, 3:21, “I sat at my monitor, and typed in my handle. Upon my screen was a font I did not recognize, sans-serif. Its lines were flimsy like strands of spaghetti, and was red like a tomato. The e-mail had no origin, no mailer-deamon, nothing. It spoke of Pasta and Appendages, and everything Noodly, before actually making a complete sentance, and as thus, that part read:
Theresa stood in heaven, mouth agape. The FSM saw the look on her face, and asked, “Dude, what’s going on?” She shielded her eyes, and asked where she was. To which, he said, “Come on. You’re in heaven. What’s your problem?” and she said, “Creature, I am a lady of The Lord. I do not believe in such things as strippers and alcohol abuse.” The FSM quickly replied, “it’s not abuse if you have no body to harm, and besides, I am the Lord. Loook, for you are but naked already. Lighten up a little and enjoy yourself.” She looked, and she was but disrobed, and was but 21 years in age. From there, she found herself in a pool of beer, chatting it up with some other Pastafarians in Heaven. She had found a wingman, and was soon to be Scoring. “
If you woul be laughing your ass off at people trying to get into heven I’m pretty sure you would be sent to hell. Because making fun of other people… You know laughing at them… in your religion is considered a sin. No matter whom those people are.
First off, If yo were laughing your ass off in heaven, whouldn’t
‘god’ find that as sadistic, and go
“Holy crap. Sadist! Feed THAT fag to the flames!”
and toss you into hell for your saddism?
I don’t think that this person is accurately representing anything that constitutes what Christians belive.
I don’t think Jesus would be happy with you right now. Good luck getting into your heaven. Sorry for your luck.
what a fool, his post is againt his own religon, it shows the violence shown by christians toward there moral and intellectual superiors, what a retard, well the FSM is forgiving,
Has anyone taken in that there are other religions that aren’t Christianity. These people keep saying that the only way to get into heaven is to be Christian. Buy yet, you use that as a way to be intolerante and mean spirited to everyone else. You use this as, “I’m Christian, no matter what, I am going to heaven, so why be tolerant and nice when i can be hurtful and anti-semetic/anti-pastafarian”. If you ask me heaven is a place where the people go, who have been good to their peers and relatives and friends. Who have done good deeds to help the lives of many. To me it doesn’t matter what Dante’s Divine Comedy says, that non-believers are stuck in Limbo. To me, it is whoever has helped others and not just helped themselves. It doesn’t matter if your homo-sexual or not. Though the bible has one commandment on Homo-sexuality, it also says that you can cut off your son’s hand for disobeying you, or you can sell your daughter to slavery if she is dishonest. And there are also over 60 commandments of how to treat your SLAVE, which right now is morally and legally wrong. So don’t worry if your Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pastafarian, or anyother religion, If you do good deeds, help out, “love thy neighbor”, and “love the sinner”, then you will have a spot in heaven. But if you choose to disobey and put down other people because they are another religion then you, is completely wrong and unjust. And anyway, Christianity is so big because they tortured, maimed, threatened, and slaughtered every other religion to gain followers. But thats besides the point. From the point of view of a conservitive Jew.
Gotta agree with Jeff S. It’s what you DO that should count, not what you do or do not worship.
I hear its fairly easy getting into heaven.
Dont suck at life.
I could be wrong though.
If you want to go to heaven you can either:
1. kill yourself and let God sort your soul out
2. shoot some heroin into your veins
What makes you think that you are getting into heaven?
How much of your religion do you ACTUALLY know about?
If you were a truly devout follower of your own religion, not only would you NOT be saying such things, but you would be accepting of another faith, although different, is peaceful.
Tell me, would Jesus really come out and ‘kick our asses’? from what I know of Jesus, he would not. It seems to me that you know nothing of the religion you follow. Really, you don’t know much about it. I highly suggest you go pick up your bible and read it a couple of times. Ponder what it has to say and the lessons it can give to you. You are obviously in more need of that enlightenment than anyone here is.
….oh….and by the way, with your attitude, you will NOT be getting into heaven…if such a place exists. Although I have no proof of its existence, I know the rules for getting in. Do you? I doubt it. So should heaven be presented to me, it will be me who is there, looking upon you with pity and sorrow, only wishing that you could be there as well.
I’ve seen the “Who Would Jesus Bomb” bumper stickers, but this post is inspiration for a new version: “Whose Ass Would Mary Kick”
They call me the Southern Cross or mouth of the south.
I was born speaking and a precher told me that Satan was after me and would persecute me. That happened. I almost died. That is not my freewill and I want you complete morons to leave me the hell alone. You go give the devil some due
and company.
Mary can kick ass but more importantly she prays and damn,
things happen.
I don’t have anything to prove morons.
It is clearly a wheat and chaffe decison God will make.
Preacher, hey who died and made you spelling GOD?
Fuck off money hungry book sellers.
So live your mundane lives, you know you are going to any ole way.
Live and let live but the next asshole who gets in my face now is going to regret it.
Killing four, I dare you
You get in my face
and you say you are sorry
for the magic tricks
and the talking mirror
and the disentigrating letter
and the waving towels
and the crazy songs
that made me cry.
You say you are sorry that you did not see
this coming…
And I’ll be laughing MY ass off when your God gives you a kicking for being a bigoted, small minded jerk off. Have a pleasant eternity is wherever circle of Hell they send people like you who can’t take a fucking joke. Honest to your God, I don’t know how you people sleep at night… or why my responses are getting increasingly vicious the more time I spend on here.
Peace. RAmen.
~W.A.
Nice Christian values mate.
Love the sinner, not the sin.
You’ll be burning right along there with us.
ya seriously, with an attitude like that, not only are you completely contridicting yourself, and your alleged “correct” religion, but you are also sinning in your own right, its called tolerance and forgiveness my friend, call up Jesus, or see what the “good book” has to say about that one, you will be plesantly surprised
and p.s ur going to hell with the rest of us than, and Im driving the bus :D
Do all the cool kids sit in the back of the bus? Cuz that’s where I want to be then. I’ll be throwing paper balls at people’s heads.
Hi,
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I seriously can’t wait to get into heaven! I can’t wait until I see you non-believers try to get in. I will seriously be laughing my ass off by the Beer Volcano.
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I can’t wait to be in heaven, watch you pitiful non-believers try to get in and watch Midgit, the creation of Flying Spaghetti Monster, kick your asses all around the Stripper Factory. That will be my most awesome day.
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-Cap’nUberbob