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Think about this, asshole….

Published August 19th, 2006 by Bobby Henderson

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:

Jesus Christ and the American G.I.

One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.



79 Responses to “Think about this, asshole….”

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  1. Ty says:

    The Preambles of all 50 States Of The United States:

    Alabama 1901, Preamble. We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution.
    Alaska 1956, Preamble. We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.
    Arizona 1911, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution…
    Arkansas 1874, Preamble . We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government…
    California 1879, Preamble . We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom.
    Colorado 1876, Preamble. We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe.
    Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy.
    Delaware 1897, Preamble. Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences.
    Florida 1885, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution…
    Georgia 1777, Preamble . We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution…
    Hawaii 1959, Preamble . We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance .. Establish this Constitution.
    Idaho 1889, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.
    Illinois 1870, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.
    Indiana 1851, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.
    Iowa 1857, Preamble We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution.
    Kansas 1859, Preamble. We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.
    Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties…
    Louisiana 1921, Preamble . We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.
    Maine 1820, Preamble. We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity .. And imploring His aid and direction.
    Maryland 1776, Preamble We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty…
    Massachusetts 1780, Preamble . We…the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe .. In the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction ..
    Michigan 1908, Preamble .. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution.
    Minnesota, 1857, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:
    Mississippi 1890, Preamble. We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.
    Missouri 1845, Preamble . We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness . Establish this Constitution
    Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution …
    Nebraska 1875, Preamble. We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom .. Establish this Constitution.
    Nevada 1864, Preamble. We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution .
    New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V. Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.
    New Jersey 1844, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.
    New Mexico 1911, Preamble. We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty
    New York 1846, Preamble . We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.
    North Carolina 1868, Preamble. We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those
    North Dakota 1889, Preamble. We , the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain…
    Ohio 1852, Preamble. We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common
    Oklahoma 1907, Preamble . Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty … establish this ..
    Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences..
    Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance
    Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing
    South Carolina, 1778, Preamble. We, the people of he State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.
    South Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties
    Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience…
    Texas 1845, Preamble. We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.
    Utah 1896, Preamble. Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.
    Vermont 1777, Preamble . Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man .
    Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other .
    Washington 1889, Preamble. We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution
    West Virginia 1872, Preamble. Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God …
    Wisconsin 1848, Preamble. We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility
    Wyoming 1890, Preamble . We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties .. establish this Constitution.

    After reviewing acknowledgments of God from all 50 state constitutions, one is faced with the prospect that maybe, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are wrong!

    Please note that at no time is anyone told that they MUST worship God.

    “Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants.” – William Penn

    GOD BLESS AMERICA

    I DON’T SEE ANY SPAGHETTI MONSTER MENTIONED IN ANY CONSTITUTION! THESE ARE FACTS, PEOPLE.

  2. Jenna says:

    Um…
    YEA…
    Why does the FSM have to die for us again anyways?
    He could just wipe our sins away alone because he’s so powerful.

  3. marianne says:

    Ty…
    just because your forefathers and decendents of european travellers wrote about god in their preambles for state constitutions doesn’t automatically mean god exists, or that your country is any better off for it…
    history teaches us that people make mistakes – a lot of mistakes.

    did you really think that taking all that time to write all of that (which i can’t imagine many people will bother to read all the way through) will convince pastafarians that the FSM doesn’t exist but your god does?

    nope, that’s a very weak argument
    try to think a little harder in future…

  4. Sam says:

    So if i form a nation and bless almighty FSM for our constitution of rights, does that mean that he automatically exists? ‘Cause that’s the same argument Ty presents to us.

  5. Cynic says:

    @Fluge – Please learn what a parody is.

    Now my rant:

    I was raised in a Catholic house, and nowadays ask myself, why do these people use Christ as the example of today’s Christian thought??

    Bluntly put, Christ’s (the historic figure, independently of wether he was divine or not) philosophy as we heard it is: “try not to be an a$$hole and help others when you can” how horrible that those who “follow” his teaching act totally opposite to that. Think of the Crusades, Witch Hunting, etc.

    Also, I support my troops, I wish those guys were HERE protecting us and out of the unnecessary danger a megalomaniac government puts them in.

    Read some Chomsky, how the propaganda creates arguments impossible to argue against like “Support our Troops”. How in the world can I express my support to the men and women in uniform without also supporting a warmongering and violent agenda? ANY opinion along those lines instantly is tagged as hippie, pinko liberal or worst, traitor.

    Rant ended, Ramen.

  6. Cynic says:

    oops, sorry Fluge, I agree with you :) I meant mikeydoherty’s comment.

  7. True_patriot says:

    “hippie, pinko liberal or worst, traitor.”

    Posted by: Cynic | August 24, 2006 at 03:45 PM

    Feeling guilty, huh? You are what you speak.

  8. right_again says:

    “Actually, there are several. My mom died for my childbirth. My would-be twin was aborted for my life. My sister jumped in front of a truck to save me. My dad took a bullet for me. An FBI agent was tortured o death and never revealed my location. Ronald Reagan died because I wished him to. My friend, Bruce, dyed his pubes for me. I started a cult and over 24 families drank the punch and died for me. Several baby cows died for my veal cutlets last night. Those baby cows’ moms died for the chair I’m sitting in. A horse died for the glue I sniffed last night. Several cats were killed to grease up the strings on my violin. A few deer have died purely for my entertainment.”
    So yeah… you can’t count.
    Posted by: Reed Braden | August 22, 2006 at 02:33 PM

    Besides Ronald Reagan, no one mentioned in your post is a “defining force” Nice try, dipshit. So, stop making stuff up. No FBI agent was ever tortured to save you. Your dad did not take a bullet for you. And your mother certainly did not die at child birth. How do I know that? Well, she was with me last night taking it in the pooper…hard and deep.

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