Jesus was way cool. Everybody liked Jesus. Everybody wanted to hang out with him and most people still do! Anything He wanted to do, He did. He turned water into wine and if He wanted to he could have turned wheat into marijuana, or sugar into caffine, or vitamin pills into amphetamines. He could’ve even turned you into a pile of spegetti, but he didn’t because He was that cool. He walked on the water and swam on the land. He would tell these stories and people would listen. He was really cool.If you were blind or lame, you just went to Jesus and He would put his hands on you and you would be healed. That’s so cool. He could’ve played guitar better than hendrix. He could’ve told the future. He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world. He could’ve scored more goals than gretzky. He could’ve danced better than barishnikov. Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of Jesus was way cool. He told people to eat His body and drink His blood. That’s so cool. He also said that if you didn’t believe in Him and Him only, you’d go to a place where you would get tormented and poked in the tukuss for all eternity. That’s so cool. Jesus was so cool. Some people got jealous of how cool He was, so they killed Him. But then He rose from the dead. He rose from the dead, danced around, then went up to heaven. I mean, that’s so cool. Jesus was way cool. No wonder there are so many Christians. So why are you turning your back on someone as cool as Jesus? Aren’t you affraid of being poked in the tukuss? Why can’t you be more like our president or the Fallwells, Insted of being more like the Al Frankin or the Baldwins? More like Fox news instead of CNN?
Warmest Regards, Brendan Fenno
wow, this person is definitly not cool and needs to find a real friend other than jesus.
no, everyone didn’t. look at the Pharisees
overachiever
I’m cooler than Jesus IMHO. I wish I had your gift of the gab, man, but unfortunately I have to applaud you for your excellent wit … you nearly had us all taken in there.
Anyhow, humbly, I praise the FSM for all of my talents that have been so amply and richly strewn on me.
RAMEN!
Satan was way cool.
Everybody was in awe of Satan.
He never wore clothes. He just walked around with a goatee and horns coming out of his head. He had tattoos and was probably into body-piercing way before anyone else.
Satan was the snake that tempted Eve. He knew how lame Eden was so he invented sex. Adam and Eve were thankful and had lots of sex which increased the population. Finally, there was too many people, so Satan invented war, so people could kill each other. That way, there was more places to live and more food.
After many wars, people got bored, so God gave them Jesus. Soon they killed Jesus, and got bored again.
So Satan gave them rock and roll.
Rock and roll became bigger than religion. Everyone wanted to be in a rock and roll band. When Robert Johnson wanted to learn how to play guitar, all he had to do was go down to the crossroads and ask Satan. Satan gave Jimi Hendrix a can of lighter fluid to set fire to his guitar. He even lent Jim Morrison some beads and a pair of leather pants. Satan hung out with all the rock stars. And when they got too famous, or too fat, or their music started to suck, he helped them make the best possible career move. He killed them.
That was so cool.
In the early days, Satan used to hang out with God. Then people made up stories, giving Satan a bad name, so God got uptight and wouldn’t let Satan hang around anymore.
But that was OK.
Satan went down to the earth, under the ground, and started his own place. This place was way cooler than heaven. People could go there and party and get wasted without worrying about their job or responsibilities.
It was like a big club with no cover charge. There was no rules. Everything was free.
They could go there and stay for eternity.
nice, but that’s chistian hell. in pastafarian hell, “Satan” lives in all the stippers so they all have VDs and homosexuality.
I love that song! I don’t recall those last few lines being in the song, though. And yes, King Missile did the “Detachable Penis” song. It’s on the “Happy Hour” album.
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I am desperate to find a copy of the Pop-O-Pie’s song – “The Catholics are Attacking”.
If everyone loved Jesus, why was he crucified?