I sure would hate to be you on Judgment Day. You think God and the Bible are all a bunch of malarkey. Well, if that’s true, please explain why hundreds of Bible prophecies have already come true and are STILL unfolding before our very eyes….. God bless! Carmen
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
Do they? No, really, do they? Because your statement contradicts reality. What bible prophecies, where? I have a RSS to google news and I’ve heard nothing resembling the seas turning to blood.
Please remember that a vague passage can be reinterpreted to mean anything by someone looking hard enough.Is that enough of an explanation?
Name one bible prophecy that has come true. And not something vague like “one day the sea will rise up” and claim that this predicted the Tsunami.
Did you at all consider that we don’t believe in your judgement day?
Even if what you say is true then unlike most crackpot, brainwashed christians I actually use my brain. I’m pretty sure that’s what your god wants her/his/its greatest creation to do…
I predict that somewhere in the world it will rain, and people will die in automobile accidents.
Does this make me a God? Cool.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke ONLY to Nastradamus and it has been proven that ONLY Nastradamus has accurately predicted future events correctly.
There is NO WAY your Bible could hold the truth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster did not speak to these false prohhets. Your story is false and you are doomed to die in a horrible way if you do not repent and bow down before The Flying Spaghetti Monster and beg for forgiveness for your sins!
I will pray for your poor lost soul…
Bible prophecies obviously came from cheating time travelers.
Duh!
Short and sweet just the way I like them, now any prophecies made by the Bible and people like Nostradamus have been vague at best, and very contratictive.
Hey I predict that it will rain in the next couple of days, you heard it here first people! Saying in the bible about great Tsunamis doesnt make it correct considering we have had millions of them in the Earth’s lifespan. And I have yet to see a 6 headed beast rise out of the ocean. And if that happens its probably a mutated squid that washed up on shore.
Judgment day my ass.
Actually the Koran has been way ahead of the bible when it comes to explaining the world and all that.
“Hundreds” of Bible Prophecies have come true? Surely you know that ‘Lying’ is a ‘Sin’ .. right?
Making exaggerations (and in your case Outright Lies) is no way to convince someone your position is the Real and Truthful one.
For Shame.
Dear Carmen,
I am sure you would hate to be Bobby Henderson on Judgement day since he is doomed to the pit, but at least he has a soul. Women don’t. It’s all right here, plain as day.
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0500/femsoul.html
I am a member of the gay pride pink panty brigade and have decided to come out of the closet. Forget all the stuff I said before, I was just trying to be Butch.
Carmen dear, don’t you wish you could be GOD’S SON? Because God really has no use for women you know. http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/women/long.html
In fact, after He found out His Son was a Jew, GOD had Him nailed up and killed. I LOVE YOU TOO, PA! OW, OW, OW, the nails, the nails!
Carmen, so much hate from a follower of a faith based on peace and forgiveness. I guess it’s a lot easier to be pious and judgemental, though.
In any case, I pray that one day you feel the touch of his noodly appendage. rAmen!
Pastor Al E Pistle: Landover Baptist is a fake site, might want to try Westboro Baptist.
The revelation such as all of the verses and passages in the bible are heresay over heresay. People who saw God or heard God who spoke only to them and no one else. And unless I see an angel or God himself I choose not to believe in such heresay.
The invisible conseption of Jesus is only depicted in the bible as something Mary or Joeseph said by people who claim that she was a virgin, and not what they actually would write. Heresay over heresay is all it is.
To follow such religions as Judaism, Islam, and Christianity blindly without reading the Bible/Torah/Koran, is following what something has been said for generations, without realizing that it is all what the people who wrote the passages said, and not really the word of God.
Look at the childs game where they create a sentence and pass it around in a circle and when the last person is asked to say the sentence. Its deformed and quite often not even the original sentence.
no no… its true, I think the bible says something about Jesus coming back around eh.. now, or something… umm.. i think, anyway, i have a theory, scientists say that the earth is the hottest its been in 2 thousand years, back when Jesus was around! so that means that Jesus is coming back. Don’t you see? Jesus causes global warming.
Oh great and powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster, save us from Jesus and his Ferocious Earth warming wrath!!!!11!!!one!11!
I hope you all don’t consider this spam, but I am trying to spread the word (of both FSM and other equally-critical world issues) on my blog: sturmwind72.blogspot.com.
I would appreciate any support or guidance this community could offer (I’m a relatively new convert and evangelist).
rAmen!
I must simply quote one of my fave bands (fave for now, anyway) Disturbed
“Waiting, for your modern messiah
To take away all the hatred
That darkens the light in your eye
How long will we be…”
Teh Bible is a load of shit. Vague prophecies, people can interpret them wrong etc etc. Just be thaknful we have this Earth. If God really did exist I don’t know why anyone would bring themselves to like him.
CANT YOU PEOPLE GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FLYING SPAGEHTTI MONSTER!! ITS A LOAD OF SHIT.
TELL ME HOW YOU CAN BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP:lmr26@ptd.net
Oh, but Lisa, there is indeed a Flying Spegetti Monster. The fact that you do not believe is because you are unwilling to have faith. First, have faith. Then your soul will be touched by his noodly appendage.
rAmen.
Lisa, I love you, and FSM loves you, but I’m sorry: until you accept the holy gluten into you life and declare yourself al dente, you are doomed to dwell forever in the pits of the Dark One, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee. You will be boiled in cheap sauce, amid a stench of Spaghettios and fake butter flavor. And there shall be a great wailing, and gnashing of teeth; meat-product balls shall be your bed, and cheap-ass ravioli your pillow. May FSM have mercy on your soul.
I am praying for you, even if it doesn’t mean anything to a vile, pagan, anti-pasti like you.
Ramen.
By the way people may not mock you so much if you’d use capitals properly.
Cheers!
-Trawler
whatever people
Q, Your concept of pastafarian hell is quite incorrect, for He is tolerent.
She would just be stuck drinking Budweiser, and have second rate gender nonspecific strippers, also she would have to wash dishes.
Holy crap! She used the word ‘malarkey’. I didn’t even think that word still existed.
This is actually really great, because I’m kind of in a jam. I need to write a history paper on the civil war. Since you were apparently around for it, as evidenced by your vocabulary, could I interview you for it, Carmen? Thanks!
Carmen, I sure would hate to be you on Spaghetti Day. You think FSM and the Gospel are all a bunch of malarkey. Well, if that’s true, please explain why hundreds of Gospel prophecies have already come true and are STILL unfolding before our very eyes….. FSM bless! Sam
I was visited by FSM in a dream, he told me comment upon your crappy e-mail, so from the coolest god on earth, heres a big ol’
FUCK YOU!
Do you people not understand this is a joke? Why are you getting pissed at a bunch of Atheists having a laugh? They’re causing no harm whatsoever. If you want to get pissed at someone, try Shirley Phelps Roper, Jerry Falwell, and others who call themselves Christian and disgrace the name of Christianity with their hate speech?
Sorry… this interlude of sane and logical discussion is over, let the Christer bullshit continue.
I am a recent convert to FSM (sause be upon Him). I used to be a Muslim, and then an xian,then a Hindu, then an atheist, but I can see now how deluded I was. Lisa and Carmen I hope you soon see the Light. You don’t want to drown in boiling water for all eternity, do you? Please accept His sausiousity.
Hundreds of Bible prophecies come true, eh? By that are you referring to the random letters that make up “bible codes” such as the assassination of JFK or Judgement Day happening in 2012? Come ON! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? And plus, just about every Christian would be going to hell anyway… (Not to be an asshole or anything, but this is a “fact” by Biblical logic.) When Christ died on the cross for you, he did NOT absolve you of your duty to not eat meat on Fridays, yet just about all of you forget that. He did NOT absolve you of having to eat Kosher products, and I doubt that you ask to be forgiven for THAT one at confession. So, it’s the little things that always get you fucked ouver… Now, once you’re a paragon of your religion, THEN you can bash other ones, real or fictional. (I myself am an Atheist, born and raised both Christian and Jewish, so I’m well aware of the “divine law” governing both of those ridiculous religions.)
-Asher Rosenbloom
“Judgement Day happening in 2012″
Thousands of years older than any bible.
Mayans predicted this, christians stole it. (which happens alot)
Which 2012? If you dont use the BC/AD calender, that could have come and gone several times by now…
Oh, and just to say for the OP, I dont think God would be particularly pleased that you are assuming you are him. From my understanding of Biblical-based religion, only God would have the right to judge people. So, you are either claiming you are God himself, or know his exact thoughts and feelings. Now, isnt each one of those classed as blastphemy?
Eric!
“Malarky” is a wonderful word and still used in the more progressive parts of the British Isles…
You may find your vocabulary will become richer and your life will become happier if you were to use such words more frequently.
Other gems you could experiment with are:
Galvanting
Kerfuffle
Palava
Go on… open your mind!
Bible prophecies? Come on, what are you talking about? So what if the bible mentions things that have happened after it was written. Its easy to say that something like a war will come to pass. They should have practiced their Nostradamus impression a little more.
Now let me guess, you’re the type that is easily deceived, and then you end up crying about it a month later when you finally learn the truth. What a fragile mind you have. And as for the part about judgment day, if I do end up going to hell I’ll be sure to send you a post card and a couple shitty trinkets. I might just organize a party.
So if you’re sure that you’d want to miss out on all the fun, you go on ahead and keep living your life as an ignorant jerk.
Ciao.
malarkey is the best fucking word ever… oh yeah and fuck jesus.
wasn’t the judgement supposed to happen 2000 years ago? http://asv.biblebrowser.com/mark/13-30.htm
I’m always reminded of the Ten Commandments when I think about the best religion in the world, Christianity. I believe one was “Thou shalt not kill”? Oh, good times, remembering all the people that have been killed by Christians, and not just people of other religions…unless I’m wrong, most wars were between Christian countries, like Hundred Years War.
May FSM guide thee.
Uh, just to say this, whether you’re a Pastafarian, Christian, or any other religion, it would really help if you didn’t take one person’s impression on you, and suddenly expand that to fit everyone of the same group.
For example, if someone who was Jewish, was a bit nasty to you, don’t go saying that *every* Jew out there will push you around and then laugh at you. Same can go with anybody else.
If someone’s a Christian, then that’s fine. You have your beliefs and I have mine. I happen to be a Pastafarian, who was “raised” (I never really paid attention in church) Christian. I’ll be fine without somebody of another faith shoving things down my throat about how I’ll suffer.
May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage. RAmen!
-Walnut Obezyana
oh man, I thought the end of that said ‘God bless! ramen’
I declare that the similarity of one’s name to any FSM term gives them automatic entry into our ancient faith
no its RAmen, not Carmen, you idiot, go dont exist, therefore im fine
Oh great end timers. Did you know they have a site that will send us emails to explin what happend when god takes them. Still im looking forward to judgement day. Free cloths!
“Bible prophecies obviously came from cheating time travelers.
Duh! ”
Dam you doctor!
why is everybody so fucking worried about judgement day. i guess people buy judgement day because their lives suck. the only judgement day i know of is terminator 2: judgement day. malarky, one a dumb word
All this judgement day crap…it worries me that if Jerusalem were to disappear under a nuclear mushroom cloud tomorrow, 44% of America would cheer. And all the while global warming is actually threatening serious climate change.
When things start to go to shit, i think i’m gonna emmigrate to New Zealand, where the country’s infrastructure exceeds its demands.
Peace be with you.
RAmen
@homo narrans
i hear you. they call us crazy
I’m just wondering… Do you really BELIVE in judgementday? I mean, standing before god and all that? Think that it’s going to be? But that’s just… stupid. A bed time story for mean children.
And about heaven, I don’t think I want to end up there. The bible god is just one big hypocrite. And I don’t want to spend forever with it. I have enough with that on earth thank you very much.
Hmmm… How about the fact that most Biblical scholars agree that the majority of prophecy was written after the events actually occurred? Biblical scholars have discovered a pattern in all prophetic books: The prophecies are extremely accurate up to the time of the author and then regarding the time ahead of the author become extremely vague. How could this be? The authors are making up a book and claiming that it is an older book than it actually is.
Praise me! Praise me people! Yes I am the only deity, I promise! no, that’s not a wedgie, and this robe is not there to hide it, dammit! Spend eternity basking in how wonderful I am! Sing my praises and make me feel loved, because I am all powerful, but my ego needs a little boosting, so all my best followers get to be rewarded by admiring me forever! What a treat! No sex, no booze, that whole virgin thing is just a ruse! Worship me here, worship me there! LOVE ME!!!!
I lovbe you God, could you put a fifty in my wallet though?
I’m getting low on beers.
Thank you,
Your follower thru Christ,
Me
Yeah, GOD if yer want praisin’ do somethin’ amazin’.
I don’t mean something small like water in to wine - how about the Atlantic Ocean in to Stella Artois?
Oh and don’t kill all the fishies and stuff to do it - in for a penny in for a pound on miracles I always say.
How dare you guestion me?!? Just for that, I shall take away a few more of Dubya’s brain cells and, and, make a whole new batch of religious fruitcakes to irritate the rest of the world! Now make with the worshiping before you really get on my nerves and I make All the oil go away tomorrow!
So? I guess no fifty then?
Hold your breath my child, until it arrives!
why prophecies are coming true: you are taking events that happened, and found a way to fit them loosely into you little belief system as a copeing mechanism because you see science bring down the 1000s year old walls of bullshit you believe in. Mabey thats it.