Jesus was way cool. Everybody liked Jesus. Everybody wanted to hang out with him and most people still do! Anything He wanted to do, He did. He turned water into wine and if He wanted to he could have turned wheat into marijuana, or sugar into caffine, or vitamin pills into amphetamines. He could’ve even turned you into a pile of spegetti, but he didn’t because He was that cool. He walked on the water and swam on the land. He would tell these stories and people would listen. He was really cool.If you were blind or lame, you just went to Jesus and He would put his hands on you and you would be healed. That’s so cool. He could’ve played guitar better than hendrix. He could’ve told the future. He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world. He could’ve scored more goals than gretzky. He could’ve danced better than barishnikov. Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of Jesus was way cool. He told people to eat His body and drink His blood. That’s so cool. He also said that if you didn’t believe in Him and Him only, you’d go to a place where you would get tormented and poked in the tukuss for all eternity. That’s so cool. Jesus was so cool. Some people got jealous of how cool He was, so they killed Him. But then He rose from the dead. He rose from the dead, danced around, then went up to heaven. I mean, that’s so cool. Jesus was way cool. No wonder there are so many Christians. So why are you turning your back on someone as cool as Jesus? Aren’t you affraid of being poked in the tukuss? Why can’t you be more like our president or the Fallwells, Insted of being more like the Al Frankin or the Baldwins? More like Fox news instead of CNN?
Warmest Regards, Brendan Fenno
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Hah, dude you’re a freaking genius. All these sheep following an idea because they are afraid of reality. The reality that we don’t know jack shit about our universe and what we ’see’ and percieve with our limited senses is only a metaphorical tip of the ice burg. I’m enjoying all these people, who are clearly, for the large part, idiots, trying to defend the bible and god and all that with poor grammar and a brain that probably doesn’t even know what quantum mechanics is. Bravo, I say, bravo. Ah yes also the FSM, sure he created a religion, to those who doubt it. Anything can be called a religion, it is simply what you believe in or pretend to believe in for be more frank about it (in hopes that death is not the end). Family Guy did a good job with this with Peter invented the religion for the Fonz. Alright maybe I’ll write more later, I’m amused by this, thanks Fark for enlightening me on the equally believable religion known as the FSM.
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I agree Jesus was and is cool! I think FSM thinks so too. I think Jesus would have got a hoot out of FSM and would have shaken his head sadly (well, IS shaking his head sadly!) at the thought that people who have taken his name as the name of their religion go around acting so bloody-minded and intolerant, creating wars in his name and doing their best to use him as an excuse to try to control others and take away their rights, and trying to claim that he would have said the Creation story is a form of Science. Jesus is cool and intelligent enough to know the difference between Faith and Science, surely!
And furthermore I don’t think Jesus would ever have suggested that we were meant to take the biblical creation story literally – it’s symbolic and we are supposed to learn important spiritual lessons from the symbols in it – just like with his parables.
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Yes yes, Jesus is cool, but has anybody seen my detachable penis?
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Do not worry about this catholics ateits, we know that the spaguetti GOD will send them to the fire of a “bolognesa” for the eternity…
And we, the real sons of the spagutti GOD, will go to the heaven of mozzarella, spaguettis and olive oil.
We have the truth, they are wrong, GOD, the epaguetti one, said it in the BOOKS. If the books say that, that is the truth!!!
good luck!!
fun and freedom for all!!!
kill your gods!!!
elpeor
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Well, Jesus was so cool, yet in the end, there was only 12 people following him. Britney Spears has more fans. And I don’t even think she’s cool.
Then again, at the time, people were probably a little bit more preoccupied by food and shelter than they are now.
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jesus’s crucifixion was just another jew-on-jew crime. it’s surprising it even made the papers.
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“Why can’t you be more like our president or the Fallwells, Insted of being more like the Al Frankin or the Baldwins? More like Fox news instead of CNN?”
I have an idea, why can’t you just shut the fu*k up and be more like a dead person than a living fu*ktard taking up my precious air supply. A just God would not allow such stupidity to live beyond infancy. Where is natural selection when you need it?
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YOU LEAVE BARISHNIKOV OUT OF THIS, YOU BLASPHEMER! XD
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“Why can’t you be more like our president or the Fallwells, Insted of being more like the Al Frankin or the Baldwins? More like Fox news instead of CNN?”
I’ve always viewed your president as “questionable”, I don’t know who the Falwells, Baldwins or Al Frankin are but I DESPISE Fox News for their reality free commentary; I far prefer CNN. So really I suppose I’m impressed by your analogy.
Also, I said YOUR president, not OUR president, you know the www is called the World Wide Web for a reason.
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I really hope that one was joking. I spit soda all over the monitor.. Be like the Idiot Son of an Asshole? The Fatwells? Come on.. I’d much rather pull my pubic hair out with a flaming pair of tweezers, while being doused with vodka, and sitting naked in the arctic as be ANYTHING like that worthless lot.
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Are you kidding me? Not very many people liked Jesus. Why do you think he was crucified? For being to cool? Don’t say he was just crucified for our sins. That’s only half of it. He was cruicified because people hated him. They crucified him because they thought he wasn’t the real son of God. Yeah and Jesus could have done whatever he wanted. He had the power of the universe at his finger tips. In fact he could have not been crucified. He chose to die for our sins anyway. So shutup smug.
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Wasnt King Missle the band who wrote the song “Detachable Penis”?
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What the feck has this idiot been smoking? I want some.
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I never get tired of this hate mail. It’s hatemail that’s meant to be comic relief rather than turned into comic relief by posters. This hatemail almost made me change my mind about the FSM thing (I never knew Christians could be so funny). Keyword: almost. As I am, I am a Jew. As I will be, I will be a Jew. Wow, I should quote that. But seriously. FSM is cool, even if he’s not real (blasphemy). Of course, I question the existence of every holy figure, but in the end, The Lord is pretty darn cool, and so is your version (not the regular version) of Jesus.
Thanks for your funny as hell time,
A Cool Jewish Kid
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Can you give me a deffinition of cool? I mean, what makes something cool. What is like by one person is despised by the next. You see examples all the time. Goths think that goth is cool, while rappers may think that goth is incredibly stupid. The fact that Jesus was cool is only your opinion. So if you absolutely idolize this guy so much, it just means that someone out there hates him equally.
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First of all, Jesus never spoke or preached of hell. Second of all, there are more Muslims then Christians. Thirdly, your email has no point. The miracle of water to wine is called “spiking”. The walking on water: ice (Isreal was much colder 2000 years ago). Finally, all you have really said was that Jesus was cool and tried to aspect him to modern culture. Now, think about this: why have there not been any “miracles” in recent history. There is facts and scientific discoveries that back FMS. The only thing that makes people even consider Christianity is their ignorence. The new testement was put together by a council, led by Constantine (a Sun cultist), and the four gosples that were chosen out of the multitudes, were written after Jesus died. Even more, it was changed multitudes of times in the Dark Ages, and even more through translations. The gosple of FMS was written by one person and never changed. How can u argue with thay? Anyway, Jesus is cool to u, but Muhammed is cool to the Muslims, Buddha to the Buddhists, Brahmin to the Hindi, and most importantly FMS is cool to alot of us. To other religions u are turning ur back on countless cool people. Yet you criticize us.
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This “hate mail” is a joke, and was intended to be absurd. That “poked in the tuckuss” line is from David Cross’ standup routine, and heard on the Shut Up You Fucking Baby CD.
:(
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Jesus may have been cool, but hes dead mate. The FSM lives on forever, i think thats cooler than your once human decomposed God.
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Read the Bible, especially Mark. Jesus was kind of a Dick
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“Everybody liked Jesus.”
. . .Um, then please explain:
Why was he cruxified? Is that just what happened to the cool kids in that time period?
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So, I don’t get it, was the guy who wrote this as high as a NASA probe or was he planning on suicide so it didn’t matter what people thought anymore (because, you know, you stop careing about what people think about you when you die).
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Guys, this isn’t a hate mail. It’s a joke, I’ve seen the web page on ytmnd.com. Here’s the link, it’s actually really funny. So yeah, Bobby, not a hate mail.
http://jesuswassocool.ytmnd.com/
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Cool.
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Is this like sarcasm squared? I think I have to rest now.
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wow, this person is definitly not cool and needs to find a real friend other than jesus.
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no, everyone didn’t. look at the Pharisees
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overachiever
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I’m cooler than Jesus IMHO. I wish I had your gift of the gab, man, but unfortunately I have to applaud you for your excellent wit … you nearly had us all taken in there.
Anyhow, humbly, I praise the FSM for all of my talents that have been so amply and richly strewn on me.
RAMEN!
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Satan was way cool.
Everybody was in awe of Satan.
He never wore clothes. He just walked around with a goatee and horns coming out of his head. He had tattoos and was probably into body-piercing way before anyone else.
Satan was the snake that tempted Eve. He knew how lame Eden was so he invented sex. Adam and Eve were thankful and had lots of sex which increased the population. Finally, there was too many people, so Satan invented war, so people could kill each other. That way, there was more places to live and more food.
After many wars, people got bored, so God gave them Jesus. Soon they killed Jesus, and got bored again.
So Satan gave them rock and roll.
Rock and roll became bigger than religion. Everyone wanted to be in a rock and roll band. When Robert Johnson wanted to learn how to play guitar, all he had to do was go down to the crossroads and ask Satan. Satan gave Jimi Hendrix a can of lighter fluid to set fire to his guitar. He even lent Jim Morrison some beads and a pair of leather pants. Satan hung out with all the rock stars. And when they got too famous, or too fat, or their music started to suck, he helped them make the best possible career move. He killed them.
That was so cool.
In the early days, Satan used to hang out with God. Then people made up stories, giving Satan a bad name, so God got uptight and wouldn’t let Satan hang around anymore.
But that was OK.
Satan went down to the earth, under the ground, and started his own place. This place was way cooler than heaven. People could go there and party and get wasted without worrying about their job or responsibilities.
It was like a big club with no cover charge. There was no rules. Everything was free.
They could go there and stay for eternity.
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nice, but that’s chistian hell. in pastafarian hell, “Satan” lives in all the stippers so they all have VDs and homosexuality.
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I love that song! I don’t recall those last few lines being in the song, though. And yes, King Missile did the “Detachable Penis” song. It’s on the “Happy Hour” album.
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I am desperate to find a copy of the Pop-O-Pie’s song – “The Catholics are Attacking”.
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If everyone loved Jesus, why was he crucified?
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Most people still hang out with Jesus? I’ll bet the 4.5 billion non-christians lliving on this planet with 6.6 billion total people will all tend to disagree with that. I’d also bet that an awful lot of the people I counted as christian wouldn’t accept all of the other people I accepted as christians. Actually, given my past experience with christians, it is still up in the air as to whether they would consider all of them to even be people.
Wayne Gretzky can beat any nut job, real or imaginary, at hockey.
“He also said that if you didn’t believe in Him and Him only, you’d go to a place where you would get tormented and poked in the tukuss for all eternity. That’s so cool.” Um… you have an odd opinion of cool (are you sure you’re not a sadist?). Also, you use the word “cool” too much.
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I stopped at gretzky. *slap* You’re an idiot. *slap* None of what you’re saying has any basis in fact. *slap* Hendrix was too cool for jesus. *slap* Fox News is Biased. *slap* I’m assuming you’re talking about Bush. *slap* Get a THESAURUS! *slap* COOL ISN’T THE ONLY WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! *slap* That was because I felt like it. *slap* That one too.
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