If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you. It is really sad to think that at Judgement you will be standing in front of God Almighty and he will look at you and say “Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you” And to think, God let you be born, blessed you with health and love in your life and with what do you honor Him? With such vile mockeries of his Deity. I am sick to my stomach that my small babies will live in such a disgusting generation where God is no longer the source of strength and power. I should hope that as you mature, have children and they ever are in need of a miracle in their life, that you won’t know whose name to call on. I will. And miracle after miracle I have seen Him perform. It is no coincidence. When you invoke the name of JESUS, Miracles HAPPEN! I pray you find that miracle in your life soon. Read Acts 2:38. Oh I guess the Bible is all made up too, right. In that case, make sure u don’t let anyone get you a present this year!
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Dude, if I were our creator, I’d be ashamed of myself for not including built-in milkshake makers into out organic structure. But, everyone has their faults, so give in and praise be to his noodleness.
RAmen
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Yeah, if I was your creator and then sent out mixed, amibiguous signals about whether I existed or not and then you later concluded that there wasn’t enough evidence, I’d be so angry I would torture you.
Good one. That reminds me of when I tried to strangle one of my own turds for trying to run away when I flushed it.
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You’re correct, the Bible IS all made up; it was written and refined over generations to ensure that a wealthy, patriarchal elite would continue to dominate society. Step back and use your eyes and mind a bit: it is very clear.
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The bible has been rewritten more than the cumulative misspellings and awful grammatical errors made by the hate-mailers on this site.
I’m SOLD!
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“”Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you”"
Why does good speak in that odd faux middle age way?
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You know, lots of names when are invoked when I make miracles happen. Makeing sweet, sweet love to my wife you would be amazed at the names she calls out.
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“If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.”
As a Christian, that is the most un-Christian thing I have heard all week. I am sorry that your god is a vengeful god who would sentence someone to an eternity of hell for a joke. Not just any joke, but a funny one. Or does your god not have a sense of humor either? I’d really wish you people would stop going around calling yourselves “Christians.” Your perverted view of the Bible and of Jesus’s teachings often make me ashamed of calling myself a Christian.
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What’s all that about presents? Santa Claus is in the Bible?
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I think it is even better that Christmas the celebration of Jesus’ birth is celebrated on a pagan holiday. How’s that for ironic.
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Don’t stop at not asking for presents. I better not see you eating any chocolate Easter eggs either. Those are for capitalist Xians who love their Lord and the Resurrection Day Bunny, not for heathens like you who just like jelly beans.
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Killin’ em. You guys are the best. I’d worship YOU.
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Anyone else keep hearing Janet Jackson?
“If I was your creator all the things I’d do to you! I’ll haul you out on Judgement Day and I’ll say ‘I never knew you’…”
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If I kept hearing Janet Jackson, I’d be dead already.
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if you were my creator, you’d be too busy with the beer volcano and playing with your noodley appendage to be writing silly letters in defense of a fictitious god…
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I feel sick to my stomaach too, but only because I ate this dude’s small babies.
They were especially tender.
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“In that case, make sure u don’t let anyone get you a present this year!”
Why not? I rather enjoy the completely secular idea that has become the modern-day Christmas.
Look up Paganism and you’ll see that Christianity has all but absorbed this interesting and amazing religion.
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wow I love the last line of her email. If you think the Bible is made up then you don’t get presents at Christmas. Cause everyone knows the Bible decrees Christmas presents for all! As long as you believe in Jeebus.
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“If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.”
Are you impugning the omnipotence of YHVH? Heathen!!! Burn the witch!!! Seriously though, why do you insist on making a beautiful concept like love your neighbor and be nice to people and try to love everyone into a which hunting hate mongering genocidal paranoid schizophrenic cult?
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God (Jahweh?) is love? Christian hate mail, what a concept.
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I feel sorry for your children lady.
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Jake, you mean you feel sorry for her “small babies.”
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if i was the creator, and that means i created every square inch of everything everywhere, and maybe even transpired everything that’s ever happened… well, i don’t think i’d give a shit. about anything. especially not a joke. especially not a joke that me, the creator, in my infinite wisdom, allowed to happen or made happen.
i’m an infinitely large being, and my feelings get hurt very easily!
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I’m not sure which is funnier; your Flying Spaghetti Monster or the brain dead, Bible thumping, illiterate comments from religious nuts who take it seriously! I’ve long believed in a correlation between a person’s degree of religious fundamentalism (whether Christian, Raghead, etc.) and intelligence. They’re inversely proportional! Keep up the good work!
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Carbohydrates are my source of strength and power!
“Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you (except for that time when I was awash in your noodly goodness).”
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“I’ve long believed in a correlation between a person’s degree of religious fundamentalism (whether Christian, Raghead, etc.) and intelligence. They’re inversely proportional!”
Yes!
God can do miracles in their lives everyday, but He apparently can’t teach them to spell!!
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“If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.”
Yes, because God has PMS, just like you do..
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My life is amazingly awesome for someone who is an atheist.
Hmm, God must not be paying attention.
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“If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.”
“As a Christian, that is the most un-Christian thing I have heard all week. I am sorry that your god is a vengeful god who would sentence someone to an eternity of hell for a joke. Not just any joke, but a funny one. Or does your god not have a sense of humor either? I’d really wish you people would stop going around calling yourselves “Christians.” Your perverted view of the Bible and of Jesus’s teachings often make me ashamed of calling myself a Christian.” – rich
Obviously god has a sense of humor look at the platypus
I apologize to all fans of the platypus. I did not mean to demean the noble and stupid platypus
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Way to blaspheme by putting yourself in God’s shoes. Bravo.
God has a sense of humor. He has to – he made people like the ones complaining about this site. You’ve already sinned by coming here! Too late! Hahahaha!
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Meh!
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“I should hope that as you mature, have children and they ever are in need of a miracle in their life, that you won’t know whose name to call on. I will. And miracle after miracle I have seen Him perform. It is no coincidence. When you invoke the name of JESUS, Miracles HAPPEN”
Too bad his name was Yeshua. I wonder upon what demon you’re calling? :)
Hail Eris! I mean, FSM! ;)
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http://www.whydoesgodhateamputees.com/
Read and weep.
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You had me until you used “u” instead of “you”.
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Honestly, I think God, in whatever form, has thrown his hands up and said “FUCK THIS!” and went on to create the perfect arcade on some forlorn corner of the universe, with a gigantic skee-ball machine.
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“Soul is not even that Crackerjack prize that God and Satan scuffle over after the worms have all licked our bones. That’s why, when we ponder–as sooner or later each of must–exactly what we ought to be doing about our soul, religion is the wrong, if conventional, place to turn. Religion is little more than a transaction in which troubled people trade their souls for temporary and wholly illusionary psychological comfort–the old give-it-up-in-order-to-save-it routine. Religions lead us to believe that the soul is the ultimate family jewel and that in return for our mindless obedience, they can secure it for us in their vaults, or at least insure it against fire and theft. They are mistaken.”
– Character Stubblefield from Villa Incognito, 2004, by Tom Robbins
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“If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.”
… Then you wouldn’t be a very omnipotent creator, now would you?
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God has a message for you:
http://static.flickr.com/73/203557558_8a51656709_o.jpg
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If I were your creator. I’d rain glimmering chrome poles down across the world for 40 days and 40 nights. Then, all the world would be a perfect stage for strippers, the clouds would rain beer and double-bacon cheeseburgers would grow on shrubbery. Penguins would drive cars and the pope would open an all night disco. Gasoline would be .04 cents a barrel and churches would be transformed into giant robots to fight over the Grand Canyon. Oh, and G4 Tv would go off the air.
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FSM counter-point
http://img355.imageshack.us/my.php?image=churchsignbh8.jpg
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“”If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.”
Yes, because God has PMS, just like you do..”
Hey, hey, HEY, don’t get all misogynist because the woman has some serious issues with self-righteous fundamentalitis. I know it’s difficult when you’ve been checked from using the more common “gay” insults and are struggling to come up with something else as equally idiotically witty, but please, could you just try a bit harder and leave my PMS out of it. Because if I was a woman “and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you.” muhahahahahaha.
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What happened to “Judge not, least ye be judged?” or “He who is without sin, cast the first stone?”
You suck at Christianity. :D
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Yeah you suck at it. I mean, you don’t even read the Bible in Aramaic or Hebrew of Koine Greek! I mean how can you possibly expect to know that all Gays, Hindus, Muslims, Gays, Buddhists, gays and Sikhs are going to burn in a shameless rippoff of Tartarus? You cannot. And for the record, I am your father.
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Dear Jesus,
I don’t know if you exist or not. I suspect not but I will suspend my disbelief and acknowledge that the world is full of many learned people who have been proved wrong.
Having said that, I have recently had occasion to read some of the postings by your emissaries. I would suggest to you that while your recruitment may be robust, the quality of candidate is sorely lacking. To wit, if I may, I suggest the following:
1) While I understand that your’s is an inclusive organization, I would suggest that some of the leaders of your church(es) are not your best spokespeople and are in grave need of remedial training. While Mr. Robertson may believe that Mr. Chavez of Venezuela may be in need of killing, I do recall your father had suggested killing one another was not looked upon with favour.
2) Some of your adherents seem to forget that you, the basis of Christianity, were/are, in fact, Jewish. They also seem to blame those of the Jewish faith for your murder. I find this perplexing as, in the book written about your life, it is pretty clear to me that it was the Romans who played a far greater role in you ultimate demise. Now that I think of it, were it not for your death, there would be no Christianity. Hence, some of your antediluvian trogoldyte “Christian” followers would be antediluvian trogoldyte “Jewish” followers. Perhaps a word with Mr. Gibson is in order as I suspect he will have a great deal of time on his hands in the near and longer terms.
3) I would suggest that the average man-on-the-street commentator be discouraged from offering half-baked, grammatically incorrect, misspelled and poorly punctuated comments on web forums. At a minimum, please ensure that they receive some media training.
Well, Jesus, that’s about all for me. Again, while I have my doubts as to your existence, if you are real, you seem like a nice guy with some good ideas. Douglas Adams, who, again, if you are real, probably is making you laugh until you wet your robes, put it very well in one of the books in the Hitchhiker series when he wrote about a girl who had a deep and profound thought while sitting at a cafe about a guy who lived 2,000 years before and who thought the world would be a far better place if we all just learned to be nice to one another. I suspect he was writing about you.
Oh, you may have heard me recently calling out your name in anger. I was drywalling and fell off the ladder. No major damage but the pride took a beating (a sin, I know . . .). Sorry about that.
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It scares the shit out of me that these dumb asses are allowed to drive. If you are so dumb as to buy the Jesus myth, no questions asked, then you are fools. God wants you to educate yourself, learn and grow, not sit around and play in muddy pools of stagnate lies. If you truly knew god, you would long out-grow the limits of “Christian” tripe.
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But you’re NOT our creator, so stick your head out of our big joke and in to your totally human, mortal, non-creator, butt!
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It is really sad to think that at Judgement you will be standing in front of Spaghetti Almighty and he will look at you and say “Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, you never tasted of me.” I am sick to my stomach that your small babies will live in such a disgusting household where “God” is the source of strength and power. Only complex carbs can give you the strength!!! EAT OF HIS LOINS AND YOU SHALT BE SALVED. PS-He will cast you down into the boiling sauces of hell if you refuse his magnificence.
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Yes, the bible is in fact, made up. One of the benefits to being the victor in a war is not only to reap the spoils, but the privilege of rewriting history. Christianity was initially a government, not a religion and anyone who opposed that government was deemed Pagan and therefore evil. Control was held by the church because they purported themselves to be the singular conduit through which humans could reach God..hence the obliteration of the ancient religions and teachings and the complete decimation of any and all evidence that Jesus was human, not a deity. Man, not God, took it upon himself to the “rewrite the book” to reinforce that which he believed made him a supreme power.
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Yet another ‘merciful’ creator….
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I do not accept jesus as my personal saviour.
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You guys are killing me. I love you all. I need to find some kind of meeting ground with you so I can bask in your wit in real-time.
Especially that Jesus-letter, that seriously had me laughing aloud, my mother came in and asked what all the fuss was about.
Keep up the good work, my noodle-brained friends!
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