If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you. It is really sad to think that at Judgement you will be standing in front of God Almighty and he will look at you and say “Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you” And to think, God let you be born, blessed you with health and love in your life and with what do you honor Him? With such vile mockeries of his Deity. I am sick to my stomach that my small babies will live in such a disgusting generation where God is no longer the source of strength and power. I should hope that as you mature, have children and they ever are in need of a miracle in their life, that you won’t know whose name to call on. I will. And miracle after miracle I have seen Him perform. It is no coincidence. When you invoke the name of JESUS, Miracles HAPPEN! I pray you find that miracle in your life soon. Read Acts 2:38. Oh I guess the Bible is all made up too, right. In that case, make sure u don’t let anyone get you a present this year!
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
What happened to “Judge not, least ye be judged?” or “He who is without sin, cast the first stone?”
You suck at Christianity. :D
Yeah you suck at it. I mean, you don’t even read the Bible in Aramaic or Hebrew of Koine Greek! I mean how can you possibly expect to know that all Gays, Hindus, Muslims, Gays, Buddhists, gays and Sikhs are going to burn in a shameless rippoff of Tartarus? You cannot. And for the record, I am your father.
Dear Jesus,
I don’t know if you exist or not. I suspect not but I will suspend my disbelief and acknowledge that the world is full of many learned people who have been proved wrong.
Having said that, I have recently had occasion to read some of the postings by your emissaries. I would suggest to you that while your recruitment may be robust, the quality of candidate is sorely lacking. To wit, if I may, I suggest the following:
1) While I understand that your’s is an inclusive organization, I would suggest that some of the leaders of your church(es) are not your best spokespeople and are in grave need of remedial training. While Mr. Robertson may believe that Mr. Chavez of Venezuela may be in need of killing, I do recall your father had suggested killing one another was not looked upon with favour.
2) Some of your adherents seem to forget that you, the basis of Christianity, were/are, in fact, Jewish. They also seem to blame those of the Jewish faith for your murder. I find this perplexing as, in the book written about your life, it is pretty clear to me that it was the Romans who played a far greater role in you ultimate demise. Now that I think of it, were it not for your death, there would be no Christianity. Hence, some of your antediluvian trogoldyte “Christian” followers would be antediluvian trogoldyte “Jewish” followers. Perhaps a word with Mr. Gibson is in order as I suspect he will have a great deal of time on his hands in the near and longer terms.
3) I would suggest that the average man-on-the-street commentator be discouraged from offering half-baked, grammatically incorrect, misspelled and poorly punctuated comments on web forums. At a minimum, please ensure that they receive some media training.
Well, Jesus, that’s about all for me. Again, while I have my doubts as to your existence, if you are real, you seem like a nice guy with some good ideas. Douglas Adams, who, again, if you are real, probably is making you laugh until you wet your robes, put it very well in one of the books in the Hitchhiker series when he wrote about a girl who had a deep and profound thought while sitting at a cafe about a guy who lived 2,000 years before and who thought the world would be a far better place if we all just learned to be nice to one another. I suspect he was writing about you.
Oh, you may have heard me recently calling out your name in anger. I was drywalling and fell off the ladder. No major damage but the pride took a beating (a sin, I know . . .). Sorry about that.
It scares the shit out of me that these dumb asses are allowed to drive. If you are so dumb as to buy the Jesus myth, no questions asked, then you are fools. God wants you to educate yourself, learn and grow, not sit around and play in muddy pools of stagnate lies. If you truly knew god, you would long out-grow the limits of “Christian” tripe.
But you’re NOT our creator, so stick your head out of our big joke and in to your totally human, mortal, non-creator, butt!
It is really sad to think that at Judgement you will be standing in front of Spaghetti Almighty and he will look at you and say “Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, you never tasted of me.” I am sick to my stomach that your small babies will live in such a disgusting household where “God” is the source of strength and power. Only complex carbs can give you the strength!!! EAT OF HIS LOINS AND YOU SHALT BE SALVED. PS-He will cast you down into the boiling sauces of hell if you refuse his magnificence.
Yes, the bible is in fact, made up. One of the benefits to being the victor in a war is not only to reap the spoils, but the privilege of rewriting history. Christianity was initially a government, not a religion and anyone who opposed that government was deemed Pagan and therefore evil. Control was held by the church because they purported themselves to be the singular conduit through which humans could reach God..hence the obliteration of the ancient religions and teachings and the complete decimation of any and all evidence that Jesus was human, not a deity. Man, not God, took it upon himself to the “rewrite the book” to reinforce that which he believed made him a supreme power.
Yet another ‘merciful’ creator….
I do not accept jesus as my personal saviour.
You guys are killing me. I love you all. I need to find some kind of meeting ground with you so I can bask in your wit in real-time.
Especially that Jesus-letter, that seriously had me laughing aloud, my mother came in and asked what all the fuss was about.
Keep up the good work, my noodle-brained friends!
Do you not think that Jesus enjoys a good joke now and then? Dude, his first miracle was water into wine… his first miracle was just to KEEP THE PARTY GOIN’, KEEP THE LIQUOR FLOWIN’!!! Plus, he hung out with 12 dirty old men. They weren’t as polite and snobby as Falwell and the Pope would have you think. I hate the bastardized Jesus the church puts up now. Jesus loved to party, Jesus drank, Jesus enjoyed stories and jokes, Jesus was a fun-loving guy. You may get a nice surprise when you get up to the gate to find St. Peter is too busy playing black jack to let you in the gates.
Hey, uh, yeah… This bothers me to no end… You seem to think that God is an omniscient being, and that He creates everyone while they’re still in their mother’s womb… So, why is it that He can make such shitty people? I mean, He IS perfect, right? We ARE created in His image, no? How’s about this, you E-Mail me and Asher_Rosenbloom@Hotmail.com, and we’ll make this an official mano-a-mano debate. I’m an Atheist, but I’ll be damned where I stand and fucked one thousand ways if I’m going to let some right-wing jerk take away freedom of choice, which is an integral part of having a heart beating in your chest.
What kind of pussy-god do you worship? He’s all-powerful, but incapable of taking a bit of criticism? I think I surpassed your god in terms of maturity when I turned 3.
Isn’t it really funny to think that if these Christians read the bible, they would find out that the end of days was supposed to come two thousand years ago. http://asv.biblebrowser.com/mark/13-30.htm
That puts a whole different spin on things!
I have terrible news. The deepest conspiracy of all history is about to be revealed. (this is what you learn hagning out with ‘Secret Society’ ‘Illuminati’ types)
Jesus Christ was a propaganda tool invented by the Romans to subvert the Jews. He was a deification of the “other” JC.
Jesus Christ===Julius Caesar
Same initials, same time frame, same approximate life span, both betrayed by their most trusted advisor, who had phonetically similar names (Brutus vs. Judas) and both completely useless in comprehending and coping with the very real and immediate problems of THE FUCKING PRESENT.
Think about it…
I will admit my Christian brothers and sisters aren’t perfect and they fall from His grace but it’s in our nature to make mistakes. I really hope you guys open your eyes before judgement day. If Christianity is a lie than Christians are the biggest fools in the world but if not we will be the only forgiven. You all see God’s judgement as cruel. The only cruel judgement He can give you is if you don’t accept His son. All other sins are forgiven. You must also understand that God is love. When He judges it is by love, when He corrects it is through His love, when He gives life it is through love. It is not God that harms you either. You have spent so long thinking you can live with out Him than you can live with out Him in hell. The demons are what cause you pain. Pain that you brought upon yourselves. Pain that was avoidable through just accepting Christ. I am leaving to the middle east as a warrior in your military. I’m glad that I’m protecting my right to be a Christian and the right of my brothers and sisters to be Christians but I’m also glad that I protect your rights to live in freedom. That way you may have time to open your eyes before it’s too late. As for the conspiracy behind the bible and everything they aren’t legitimate. It would be like saying Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson are the same people because they have the same initials and lived in the same time frame. Just because they lived in the same time frame means nothing. You people grew up in a world hearing just one side but you are reluctant to see that Atheism is a faith in itself and this noodle thing is a sick mockery of my religion. Christian’s aren’t perfect people. We have standards we must live up to and we fail sometimes and everytime we fall its people like you that drag us down further. I will desperately pray for you all. You may laugh at me and joke of me but why when you have already done it to The One who gave you life. You may find it hard to believe that God created the world and universe but I find it hard to believe that some great big ball of energy existed since the begining of time and for some reason with out any sort of catalyst exploded and over a long time all the elements came from it and that all the laws of physics just happened to be there. You believe that we all essentially came from rocks. Why is it then that we do not have new species being created in labs. If creation is that simple. A living cell is a very complex thing. The most simple one celled organism would die if just one of its components were discarded. How is it then that it had all this time to create parts of its body then. Make a bowl of primordial soup. See how long it takes life to come from it. You say it takes a long time. I believe it doesn’t matter how much time. Nothing will come from it. You can put all the elements to make DNA and the starting proteins to incase it but it will never form. Even if the first organisms where just strands of DNA incased in protein shells they would just merely be viruses. They have no organisms to infect and reproduce. Leaving no room for evolution because evolution requires offspring. You contradict yourself when you say that life comes from life. Its hypocritical to say that the first organism was an exception. I could write a whole book with facts but it will not change your opinions. I pray that one day you just open your eyes. Visit creationism.org. You will find more answers there.
God bless all of you,
Michael
One thing i always love, is how people say they will “pray for you”. In itself, this is…insulting. Personally, i think two things…
i) If i really wanted to pray, and believed it would work, I’d do it myself.
ii)Because i don’t, i do not understand how it will help if you “pray for me” while at the same time believing that eternal damnation awaits me.
Finally, i find it a bit insulting cus His Noodly Greatness looks out for us anyway.
Ramen
the real miracle would be to try and find some wholehearted understanding in those bible quoters, wouldn’t it?
Hmm… If I invoke the name of Jesus miracles happen?
JESUS- FIREBALL!
JESUS, I CHOOSE YOU!
JESUS- EARTHQUAKE DELIVERY!
Doesn’t work. You should try Thelema, doesn’t work well, but atleast a little better.
You have just committed hubris when placing yourself as God, I think thats a sin…
And I really hate the “no god- no presents” laughable crap arguments. You stole that from pagans, Jews and other more respectable people.
Praise FSM in all his noodliness. RAmen.
michael
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“If Christianity is a lie than Christians are the biggest fools in the world….”
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Yes in so many more ways than you could imagine, you would have squandered your consiousness on belief in a non existing imaginary father figure because you where either to ignorant or to fearful of the truth.
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Also think of the loss, as a person how believes in evolution nothing is more amazing or bueatiful, you could not even imagine if you don’t believe in it.
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I read books on evolution and am awe struck, literally breathless, you look at a creature, like a dolphin and see something made like it come from Ikea, flat packed shelves. Put together in the blink of an eye by some intelligent being. I look at a dolphin and see millions of years worth of adapting, developing, struggle and triumph.
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You look at an animal/human and see the finished article, I look at it and see work in progress.
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You are loosing out on something truely breath taking.