You are the biggest hypocrite I have ever been exposed to; throughout your page you repeatedly assert that evolution is the only “scientific” explanation of the origin of species, yet right on your front page you say that such absurd theories as the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” should also be incorporated into public high school science curriculum. So let me explain this to you nice and slow; the Bible is the answer, it is what is to be differed to at all times; the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible. Now, as far as science goes, who the hell do you think your are to call Intelligent Design “illegitimate science,” technically, evolution is the only scientific theory yes; and technically, midgets are people… So we aren’t to concerned with technicalities are we? Plus, part of education is being exposed to every side of the story, because if we cannot give six billion accounts of each event, then not everyone is being fairly represented and we are reduced to defining science as some kind of “standard” outside of human gut-instinct. And besides, as an acquaintance once said (really) “what good has evolution done the world anyway?”
So there we have it, as I noticed some of you other readers correctly pointed out, if you question things your are a tool of Satan. You don’t need to question, God does all the thinking for us; he actually has a degree in Philosophy. Abortion is wrong, it says so in the bible, I dare you to go look it up- you probably won’t find it, but that’s just because your gay, which is also wrong- it says so in the Bible. Now some of us will be wondering the justification for that moral assertion, but remember the Bible is flawless- it says so in the Bible.
Back to evolution- all of the evidence that exists for it is actually false and placed there by Satan, and so that evidence really isn’t inconsistent with the Bible at all, and that makes it void. But the evidence that is the Bible, and its infinite circle of self-validation is completely inconsistent with evolution. I mean come on, if God didn’t really make Adam and Eve, why would He lie to us? And so since ID has more valid evidence than evolution supporting it, it wins and you lose.
As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance; it is people like you who make me sick, I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows.
With love,
Charlie
“technically midgets are people”
My new quote for ending all arguments.
I love this guy, I hope His High Lord Lasagne (blessed be his wheat) doesn’t smite him though, I’ll make sure I pray for his parmesan-less soul.
Spaghetti Monster knows, I will pray for the poor un ediucated soul.
It’s a good fake. If it didn’t tip its hand with the repeated circular logic, what would be the point? My favorite part is “let me explain this to you nice and slow.” You can just hear him typing slower.
Charlie,
You know God teaches love and tolerance but I see neither of these in your comments. You are the reason people who still believe in God don’t go to church. They are sick of running into hypocrites like you who have no quams about informing people how much holier they are then everyone else. Good Job!
“As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance; it is people like you who make me sick, I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows.”
Very christian of you Charlie. I don’t even mean that sarcasticly either. Christians are historically one of the worst offenders when it comes to hatred of others. What makes it so fucking mind-bogglingly worng is that you hypocritically think that you are peaceful and tolerant. I call bullshit. I also find you and your ilk to be fucking retards for not recognising satire when you see it. Dipshit.
that letter has to be from an fsm worshipper. the ironic meltdown is just too complete.
This post is genius. Not only does it perfectly ape the god-botherers’ way of speaking… “if God didn’t really make Adam and Eve, why would He lie to us?” … but it also has truely wango3d those who haven’t read it properly and picked out that it’s genuine.
Praise FSM and may all be touched, nay smothered, by His Noodly Appendage.
Ok here is a small list of the evils of the Bible, are you going to feel good about inforcing these told in the Bible?
How about how women are looked as lower than a man, or selling a daughter in slavery?
Corinthians , 14:34-35 (about keeping your woman quite in church)
Exodus 21:7-8 (selling a daughter in slavery)
Genesis 3:1 (men are better than you!)
Genesis 19:8 (”Take my daughters!”)
Genesis 19:30-38 (Lot and his daughters have intercourse in a cave and each daughter gets pregnant. Yeah incest…)
Leviticus 19:20 (Raping slave women isnt rape…)
Leviticus 27:3-7 (Gods $$$ rate for Men and Women!)
Deuteronomy 21:11-14
Genesis 25:1 (Abraham’s wife… Only problem is that Abraham already had a wife [Sarah], and an abandoned concubine [Hagar])
Or murder in the bible?
“If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives.” (Leviticus 20:13 NAB)
(are you going to feel good about this one? Or how about this one)
“A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death.” (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)
Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
(doesnt say putting to death an abusive father does it?)
Oh heres a good one.
“Certain men, the children of BE’-li-al, are gone out from among you, and have withdrawn the inhabitants of their city, saying. Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known; Then shalt thou enquire, and make search and ask diligently; and, behold, if it be truth and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought among you; Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. (Deuteronomy 13: 13-19)
Yeah destroying an entire city because some people believe in a “false” god. feel good about that one?
Sorry for the long post, but it goes on and on, what parts are you going to use from the bible and what parts arent you going to use sir?
“As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance; it is people like you who make me sick, I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows.”
Since when does Jesus teach that stuff? I don’t see him at Preschools or anything. Besides, since when do people who say such cruel things about others follow Jesus?
But what I think is really funny, is how you say, “As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance,” but then go on saying those curses to others. :P
“As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance; it is people like you who make me sick, I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows.”
How very tolerant of you!
While midgets are technically people, in the beginning, they were an example of the FSM’s special creation. For proof, just look at the trees, the mountains, and the mountains with the trees.
This thread just got me in trouble at work three times in a row…hehe, totally worth it.
Oh, my stomach hurts from holding in the laughter and my eyes are teared up. I’m at work in my cublicle and can’t give this the laughter it deserves. Whoever wrote this post, you are my hero. You both brilliantly lampooned the hypocrisy and logical fallacies of Christians, but you have some of the dumber Pastafarians’ panties in a bunch as well! Kudos to you for this wonderful piece of satire!
The bible is a tall tale.
…it’s boring too.
Charlie, you rock. Your satire is delicious, with or without sauce.
Yup, what a load of satire.
Good stuff.
Charlie - I don’t even know where to start. First off you’re a fucking idiot and I can say that because I accept that I am intolerant of stupid douche bags as yourself. You on the other hand call other people hypocrites; all the while you are being one yourself:
“As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance”
…1 sentence later:
“I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows”
That’s a typical Christian for you, wanting everyone to be tolerant of their beliefs yet they are completely intolerant of everyone else’s beliefs.
FSM will doom you to the fiery hot pit of marinara sauce (with meat balls of course) when you die and that is what you deserve you moron.
Charlie - I don’t even know where to start. First off you’re a fucking idiot and I can say that because I accept that I am intolerant of stupid douche bags as yourself. You on the other hand call other people hypocrites; all the while you are being one yourself:
“As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance”
…1 sentence later:
“I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows”
That’s a typical Christian for you, wanting everyone to be tolerant of their beliefs yet they are completely intolerant of everyone else’s beliefs.
FSM will doom you to the fiery hot pit of marinara sauce (with meat balls of course) when you die and that is what you deserve you moron.
That email was the funniest thing I’ve read all week (Ok, so it is only tuesday, but…)
I really cannot understand all those responses that think this guy is being serious. Do you guys SERIOUSLY not understand that he is PRETENDING to be a Christian and writing a FAKE email?
“Abortion is wrong, it says so in the bible, I dare you to go look it up- you probably won’t find it, but that’s just because your gay”
This guy does have a valid point here, it’s a well known fact that gays can’t read the Bible.