You are the biggest hypocrite I have ever been exposed to; throughout your page you repeatedly assert that evolution is the only “scientific” explanation of the origin of species, yet right on your front page you say that such absurd theories as the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” should also be incorporated into public high school science curriculum. So let me explain this to you nice and slow; the Bible is the answer, it is what is to be differed to at all times; the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible. Now, as far as science goes, who the hell do you think your are to call Intelligent Design “illegitimate science,” technically, evolution is the only scientific theory yes; and technically, midgets are people… So we aren’t to concerned with technicalities are we? Plus, part of education is being exposed to every side of the story, because if we cannot give six billion accounts of each event, then not everyone is being fairly represented and we are reduced to defining science as some kind of “standard” outside of human gut-instinct. And besides, as an acquaintance once said (really) “what good has evolution done the world anyway?”
So there we have it, as I noticed some of you other readers correctly pointed out, if you question things your are a tool of Satan. You don’t need to question, God does all the thinking for us; he actually has a degree in Philosophy. Abortion is wrong, it says so in the bible, I dare you to go look it up- you probably won’t find it, but that’s just because your gay, which is also wrong- it says so in the Bible. Now some of us will be wondering the justification for that moral assertion, but remember the Bible is flawless- it says so in the Bible.
Back to evolution- all of the evidence that exists for it is actually false and placed there by Satan, and so that evidence really isn’t inconsistent with the Bible at all, and that makes it void. But the evidence that is the Bible, and its infinite circle of self-validation is completely inconsistent with evolution. I mean come on, if God didn’t really make Adam and Eve, why would He lie to us? And so since ID has more valid evidence than evolution supporting it, it wins and you lose.
As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance; it is people like you who make me sick, I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows.
With love,
Charlie
I’d just like to pick out the best bits.
“the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible”
“but remember the Bible is flawless- it says so in the Bible”
=D … I speak only the truth. How can I prove this? I said so! LOL
“I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance”
…but:
“and technically, midgets are people… “
I fucking love this!
It made me laugh,
and put a smile on my face
This is awsome. I LOVE circular logic! …it’s so…circular! Way to go, Charlie!
“the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible”.
Dude, you owe me a coke. I shot mine out my nose I laughed so hard when I saw that.
Hey Charlie
I hate people that make people sick so where is your GOD.
If you religious people knew where your religions originated from you would crap in your pants.
All the great prophets came into contact with Extra-Terrestrials.
Study your religions and praise the real GODS.
“You don’t need to question, God does all the thinking for us;”
This furthers my fear of religion.
“Abortion is wrong, it says so in the bible, I dare you to go look it up”
I dare YOU to find where it says this. As for me:
“And when he hath made her drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people. And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed.” (Numbers 5:27-28)
This nonsensical ritual, prescribed by God, to a woman suspected of infidelity, must undergo the drinking of a vile concoction made of bitter water and dust from the floor of a tabernacle. A priest calls a curse upon the woman’s head to insure that if she has acted in adultery the drinking of the liquid will cause her to have a miscarriage. If she comes out clean, then she shall conceive.
Regardless of how ridiculous this procedure seems, any person who believes every word of the Bible must come to terms with the realization that the quoted God here authorizes abortion.
Really though, the last paragraph is priceless. Love + Tolerance = I hope you die in a lake of fire with your eyes pecked out by crows. That and “technically, midgets are people.” You can’t argue with that logic.
Oh man did I laugh when I read Charlie’s letter. And at the end after he tells you how he follows Jesus with love and tolerance he hopes you get your eyes pecked out by crows in hell. Then closes with …..love Charlie. Oh I guess that makes it all right.
Oh man thanks so much for the great laugh.
This is clearly a fake message. It is too perfect in its set ups.
The Bible is the answer…..when you need a doorstop.
Um, I should point out that this was obviously a very clever, funny joke here. With statments like “As a Christian, I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance; it is people like you who make me sick, I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows, so that you may go to hell and exist for eternity in a lake of fire getting your eyes pecked out by crows” this guy is pointing out the hypocrisy of Christians everywhere, who claim to worship a loving God, but at really hope for one that kills and tortures anyone who’s different. They get a sick pleasure out of imagining everyone else in hell, why they get to go to heaven.
Whoever wrote this brilliantly lampooned the responses of other “Christians” on here who are angry about this book. All very much in the “God is love, but he HATES you and will send you to hell for disagreeing with me!” vein.
This is too perfect to be real, but it’s a very well-done fake…I hope.
Oh Wow!! This has got to be the funniest of the hate mail…
“the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible”
That’s my NEW FAVORITE QUOTE!!!
I have to agree! Anyone else see how similar this post is to every other post by each offended religious person who takes the time to send in their oh-so-original thoughts? You’d think if they were secure in their beliefs they wouldn’t be so upset. (Gee, ya think?)
“the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible.”
That’s hilarious!… and yet religious folk repeat this statement without ever thinking a second or two about what they’re saying…
Circular reasoning - is that something they teach in bible school?
Real or fake, this is definitely the funniest one so far. Do we get to vote at the end of the year?
Interesting theory Charlie, but you overlook one flaw, how can you be sure the devil didn’t put the bible there as well?
How can you prove to me that the bible is 100% true and not a lie place by satan to deceive me from finding the real god?
Midgets is people, too! Little, tiny, insignificant people - but people nonetheless.
Charlie, I resent that you elected my President.
“I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance … I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows.”
Funniest damn thing I’ve read all day. Thanks for the laugh, and choke on communion.
I’m caught between nausea and hysterical laughter. The folks that are using AIMspeak, “R U sure U no what UR doing?” are bad enough, but the others that seem to be literate (if flawed in logic) are even worse.
That Charlie’s a special fella.
Oh my sweet baby jeebus!! this guy is amazing. Forget circular logic, this dude adds a whole new dimension to it resulting in completely sperical logic!! Last time I read so many self-contradictory statements on the same page was…well…last time I opened the Bible, but that’s neither here nor there.
I love the fact that he goes from “I follow Jesus for his teachings of love and tolerance” seamlessly into “I hope you die in a lake of fire and get your eyes pecked out by crows”.
But the cherry on this fecal pie is the following statement:
“Abortion is wrong, it says so in the bible, I dare you to go look it up- you probably won’t find it, but that’s just because your gay, which is also wrong”
It’s either one of the following:
1. Apparently, there are certain sections of the bible printed in special hetero-only ink that will not appear if one of those crazy gays tries to read it.
OR
2. The creator of this site has somehow acquired ownership of a homosexual individual (your gay, implying the gay owned by the person that is being criticized), and that gay person has used white out on all the passages in the Bible that say abortion is wrong.
You tell me.