Hey Bobby, Please watch what you say, your blasphemy is pleasing the devil. Do you really want to spend eternity in hell where there will be weeping and knashing of teeth? The devil is using you as his vessel to mock the Truth so that you may discourage people from believing in it in order for that you and others may be eternally damned. God loves you and wants you saved so that you may spend eternity with Him in paradise. All you have to do is repent and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour and your sins will be forgiven. Friend, if you let Jesus be Lord of your life it will be purposeful as you fulfil God’s perfect plan for your life. Science is a religion of it’s own. To believe in evolution also requires faith. Again this is a mockery from satan. We did not derive from monkeys, we were made in the image of God and the devil hates that because he hates God so he uses this lie to persuade people that God is the liar and we did not originate from Adam and Eve. I will pray for you Bobby but I hope that you may be saved and experience the joy of knowing the Truth and having a personal relationship with the living God – there is nothing like it, He is so loving, gracious and merciful. God bless you, Pamela
Hey Bobby, Please watch what
Published by Bobby Henderson April 3rd, 2006 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 33 Comments
33 Responses to “Hey Bobby, Please watch what”
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Wait…won’t pleasing the devil and doing his work on earth make him reward you? I thought that’s how your religion functioned. You know, the “Do good things for selfish reward, not because they’re good things in and of themselves.” Or does that only work with your God?
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When I read this, i have to believe that we all are from one pair of people :)
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The fact that you believe that we are all derived from Adam and Eve means that your entire religion is based upon incest and rape, as witnessed later on in the Bible. We also find your vision of Hell terrifying, especially this idea of ‘knashing teeth’(sic), where all the lost and unwanted dentures go. Perhaps if we could find your loving and all embracing God, we could avoid this terrible fate. But alas, we are unable to find a good honest Christian to guide us on our way. We fear we may never find one. Ever. We would hazard a guess that you are unfamiliar with the idea of either parody or satire. If indeed you were familiar with said parody, you would no doubt be able to understand the main point of this website, and the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. Which is coincidentally just as feasible as a invisible floating leprechaun, a centaur or God.
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wait so if i look like god, you can worship me?
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This is probably my favorite hate-mail, ever.
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Petition the Lord with prayer. You cannot petition the Lord with prrrraaaayyyeeeeerrrrrrr. Thinks he can kill and slaughter. Thinks he can rape my daughter. Dead cat, dead rat. Think you’re an aristrocrat. Crap! That’s crap!
Or something like that. It was a long time ago. I guess Jim said it all.
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This letter has the best grammar of all those I have read so far, Bravo on your grammar, but not on your argument.
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Mate I do feel sorry for you when you stand before the FSM and he strikes you down with one of his mighty noodly appendages. It will be a most thrilling day.
RAmen
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“we were made in the image of God ”
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Actually can you clear something up for me, I keep telling my mates that “I am made in Gods image and he is just a fat swine or a muscle bound knuckle head”
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One of them insists that God is “..A fat swine too and so he is therefore made in Gods own image”
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The other one says “…any God worth worshopping would have big muscles too and thus he is made in Gods own Image”
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And he goes on to say that “I have pulled the most girls this year and it would be in a girls genetic makeup to find the one more like God”
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My retort to such to this finely put point is the fact that although he has pulled more girls this year then me by two (I was ill for three weeks and out of action) “…most of them where undesirable”…actually I used more crude words than this but I am somewhat ashamed now.
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My slightly over the average weight of a small hippo friend says due “…Mary was a virgin when she had Jesus and so the thought of sleeping with God was obviously too much for her and he must therefore be a” Fat swine.
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Anyhow this went on for sometime and we have not yet reached a conclusion, so seeing as you know so much about the Divine one, Pamela, help us resolve this.
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“To believe in evolution also requires faith. Again this is a mockery from satan.”
So satan planted all that evolutionary evidence? Satan is the intelligant designer?
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“God loves you and wants you saved so that you may spend eternity with Him in paradise……
experience the joy of knowing the Truth and having a personal relationship with the living God – there is nothing like it”
I think this god fancies you bobby.
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Ms. Pamela~
A number of things:
1) Bobby doesn’t really mock religion, just ID. Anything more is for humor’s sake, and has relatively nothing to do with the desire to mock.
2) You ought to ignore us if you feel we’re pleasing the Devil.
3) Science isn’t religion. My father and grandfather are both geologists, and both are devote Christians, my father is Luthern, my grandfather is Catholic.
4) Not everyone here is Christian; I happen to be pagan, and there are many, many religions here. As far as I know, Bobby is atheist (do correct me, though.)
5) Kindly learn the meaning of satire.
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Hey, the knashing of teeth letter. I remeber this. Still can’t figure out what that MEANS, exactly, but hey.
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“Again this is a mockery from satan”
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In that case I like satan as he seems to like a giggle, still don’t believe in him though.
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Nowtheworldhasmeaning
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Mate how are you?
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Actually mate, God is made in my image, I am looking into the possibility of a legal case as Identity thieft is big business these days.
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Now I hear a lot of you asking how it come about that God was made in my own image when I was not there at the beginning. Well God is Omniscient and knew about me before I was even born or time began.
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Again I here doubts, Someone asking “… but would God not already have a form when he seen you using his mighty Omniscient ” Well the clear and simple answer to this my little friends is we all know that God is Omnipotent and so the normal laws of time don’t apply to him, so even before he was formed he used his own Omniscient to see me and then used his Omnipotent to creat himself in my own image.
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He did this all before he created time and thus the chicken and egg question can’t apply.
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And if you believe that God is not made in my own image then you are just going to have to prove it!
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I guess the “k” is silent in knashing, eh?
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Darwin’s Monkey
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I’ll be dispproving you little riddle tonight, see you tomorrow.
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I’ve always thought centaurs have a much better body design than humans/god. Four strong legs, great speed and agility, opposing thumbs, very large ‘tackle’. Vegetarians. Bit silly of your god to give himself a coccyx, an appendix and other superfluous body parts that are difficult to spell and which point, rather suspiciously, to an evolutionary ancestry.
I think he spilt godly coffee on the god>human blueprints, particularly on the brain schematics bit. Those humans that got working brains appear to be condemned to hell. Bit of a bummer, that.
But may noodly blessings be bestowed upon you for your politeness.
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‘God’s perfect plan’
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I’ve got a worry about this. You see, I don’t think gad has a plan. I don’t think it’s in his remit.
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Think about it. God created everything. That makes him A Creative – the most creative being ever, in fact.
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As a Creative, he was almost certainly hired to do the job by a larger organisation. Someone wanted an existence doing, the creative company that god works for put him forward for the job (unless he’s freelance – equally possible) and god then put in six solid days’ work for a pre-agreed fee (or, more likely, he charged double this because it was only supposed to be a one-week job but they didn’t specify ‘free-willed intelligent life’ as part of the original design brief and that adds *at least* a day, you know).
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So, if we want a plan, there’s really no point in asking god about it because he probably doesn’t know. We need to work out which collection of metaphysical corporate shits are in charge of the operation. I submit this as a research project for theologists.
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Lastly, this also explains why no one has been able to get in touch with god for the last two thousand years. Having been repeatedly called in over the early millennia to fix bugs and rough edges, he finally got things sorted out with the Christ innovation a couple of thousand years ago and his services have subsequently been unnecessary. He has been sitting by a street somewhere holding a cardboard sign reading ‘Will Create Universes For Food’.
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Which begs the question, what does god eat?
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Non-believers roasted on the spit of course.
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Mm, tasty.
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Well, Christians eat Jesus jerky in church. Maybe he’s just returning the favor. He probably waits until he’s tricked them into his house in the sky with promises of eternal joy and then eats their brains. It takes a lot of tiny Christian brains to satisfy god’s hunger for blood, but he LOVES us, especially with a bit of gravy and stuffing.
*Chomp, Chomp*
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The word is actually ‘gnashing’ of teeth. The G is silent. It means to grind your teeth. Or maybe to clack them together. Can you wail AND gnash your teeth at the same time?
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I’m not sure if it’s possible to wail and gnash one’s teeth at the same time, but I’m having fun imagining that image. I can imagine something in between Dionne Warwick and the alien in, well, The Alien. Frightening indeed. I better go repent immediately. I think I’ll have some ice cream first. And maybe some tea.
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pamela is such a funny bitch
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I’m glad that your god brought happiness to your life, but our god has brought happiness to our lives. If you can get along with other religions and their beliefs why can’t you get on with ours.
May you be touched by his noodly appendage.
(This is like my sixth reply to hate-mail today, i must really have nothing to do….)
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Hey, Im weeping and knashing my teeth right now. Weeping from laughter, and knashing…just cos I like the word and you’re annoying
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How, exactly, is science a religion?
Also, who said people came from monkeys? Do you know anything about Evolution?
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sat·ire /ˈsætaɪər/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[sat-ahyuhr] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
I should think it would be obvious to you that they aren’t serious. I guess not. Most of these people are atheists which means they don’t believe in God.
a·the·ist /ˈeɪθiɪst/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[ey-thee-ist] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.
(my goodness, what we learn from reading a book.) Obviously threatening them with hell isn’t going to go too far. Now I’m a Catholic but perhaps we shouldn’t judge what they believe :ID does not belong in schools. (I happen to agree) It’s not a science, just like science is not a religion.
If you wish to send me to hell (which I and a large amount of other Catholics do not believe in regardless of what the Pope says), I can only say: I’ll see you there.
(John 8;7 “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw the stone”)
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Reminds me of a Mahatma Gandhi quote: “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
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Man. I can’t imagine how many times a day Bobby is “enlightened” by all this.
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I am so sorry for you, Pamela. You have been brainwashed. Your soul will be missed.
FSM bless you.
RAmen.
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“Not everyone here is Christian; I happen to be pagan, and there are many, many religions here. As far as I know, Bobby is atheist (do correct me, though.)”
I thought all of us here were pastafarians…
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