Dear Bobby Henderson, I understand your condition and I just want you to know you have my utmost sympathy. My name is Leon Riddic. I am a certified psychologist and graduate from the BSI (Brain Studies Institute). When I heard about the Flying Spaghetti Monster phenomenon, a bulb lit up in my head. I knew that who ever was responsible for the invention of the concept of the Flying Spaghetti Monster must be in deep agonizing pain. I knew that they had been afflicted with a terrible wound that could only be healed by our loving lord and savior Jesus Christ.
You see, I’ve examined you based on the four basic temperaments theory (Widely accepted by world renound psychologists.) I’ve been able to pick up suttle clues from your writing style and expression as to your mentality and core character. Based on which temperaments you consist of and other components of your character, I’ve been able to test you against a criteria by which I can classify you under one of 50 psychological categories. It just so happens that you are a Hyprolack.
Hyprolack’s in most cases have been molested as children and evidence shows that you most definitely have been. Their fathers often beat them and shove strange objects up their anus. In most cases, Hyprolacks suffer from sever irreversible brain damage as a result of having incestuous parents. Another words, Bobby Henderson, your mother and father are brother and sister.
You went through a lot of pain growing up. In order to express your deep hatred for your father, you have to deceive millions of people by inventing this mythological creature. You see, the mythological creature represent what you wished you could be (intelligent). It is something that you are obviously not because of brain damage. The millions of people you are deceiving represent yourself. What you are doing is actually trying to deceive your very own self into thinking that your father never molested you, did not commit incest, did not beat you, and that you are intelligent.
One day, your going to die, and when you do, you will be met with eternal retribution. It won’t be because you did not accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal lord and savior. It will be because you are a dum fuck and deserve to burn in hell. There is no hope for one who fits under your category. Everyone who has ever fallen under that category has turned out to be a rapist and a murderer. That is what lies ahead. There is only one solution, but since you will not take it there is no hope. The one solution is you must live in the desert for forty days and eat sand. After that you must do away with this Flying Spaghetti Monster business and accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal lord and savior.
Personally, from my perspective you are doomed. I am extremely glad that your eternal fate will be hell. I can’t wait to see you suffer. I hope the flames that envelop you are extra hot. I hope your testicles ache, and your nipples rust. I want you to know that the whole world hates you. One day, people are going to piss on you and fuck you up. They will break your arms. They will come into your house and castrate you. There is no hope. Your fate is sealed. You have been predestined to serve as a pussy sucker for the rest of eternity. There is nothing you can do. Let this email be a warning unto you.
I just have one thing left to say to you: Bobby Henderson, SUCK MY BIT FAT COCK YOU MOTHER FUCK!
Oh come now. First there is no such school as the Brain Studies Institute. Second, the only contact you have had with psychology is when they put the electroshock terminals to your head. Or maybe it was when the nurse brought you your lithium. It goes without saying theres no such thing as a Hyprolack. And whats all this talk about anal sex and incest? Have you had this desire for long? And are you going to act on this desire for man on man sex? If not why do you want to suck Bobby’s cock? I strongly suggest you contact a mental health professional as soon as possible.
How can a “certified psychologist” determine that the cure for a mental condition whether they are there are not, dermine that the cure is Jesus Christ.
You sir are a Fucking moron, just because you can spell and write a letter doesnt make you a psychologist, commit suicide you ignorant chimp make the world better.
“you are a dum fuck”
I love this. I think I’m going to frame it…
(Hands up who thinks this “psychologist” has some fairly strange fetishes…)
Best part of this whole thing…
A certified psychologist, but I can’t spell simple words like, Dumb, big (not BIT, there champ, unless it is just a little bit, then yes you are correct in your usage), and even my 8 yr old newphew knows it is Mother Fucker, not mother fuck… Come on now…
Wow. This guy sounds like he’s got a lot of issues to work out.
“Their fathers often beat them and shove strange objects up their anus”
You’d know from experience???
Five bucks says he does!
I posted this in another hate mail, and this psycho-logist deserves it too! Hands up to thelastpirate! Here it goes:
FSM is mocking ‘Intelligent Design’, which was made up to teach in schools because of seperation of Church and State, meaning that FSM is not mocking g-d (I refuse to use his name in a manor like this, ’tis the way of the Jew), it’s mocking the religious nutcase who came up with the idea to teach ‘Intelligent Design’ to be taught in school instead of g-d. There. We shall not be damned on this day. Nor any day in the afterlife as a matter of fact!
Jews Rock!
~The Jewish Kid (who doesn’t believe in Christ!)
P.S. You Christians have really got to stop going around with ‘Christ this, Christ that…’ You seem to believe more in Christ than in G-d! Try using ‘G-d this, G-d that…’ once in a while!
You sir (poster, not jewish guy) have no life and/or ability to write a sensible (that means NOT using words that don’t exist) letter. For example, I’ll bet you anything that if you go to Wikipedia or google and type BSI there will be nothing. Also, you don’t seem to have accses to a dictionary. go to dictionary.com and type in Hyprolack and you will find nothing. And have you noticed that the cure mentioned is living in a desert and eating sand for 40 days? Did you notice that most pyschologists aren’t dumbasses like this guy and know that that would kill you?
I hope this guy isn’t a christian fundie because
1) theres too many already
2)if he is i will hav to kill him (i wish!)
Oh….my…god….
Whoever wrote this letter should be, like….given an award for funniest comments ever. Seriously.
I love these fundementalists, they’re so laughable….
Oh, come on….don’t you think this guy was just trying to make the REAL hate-mailers look even dumber than they already do? I think it was a put-on.
“and your nipples rust…”
Was that supposed to be scary?
I’m finding it hard not to burst into laughter.
Just trawling the old hate mail, and look what you can find.
.
“You have been predestined to serve as a pussy sucker for the rest of eternity”
.
Followed shortly after, by
“SUCK MY BIT FAT COCK”
.
Assuming he meant big in the second quote, he has successfully managed to either contradict his own argument, or imply he has a serious mixup downstairs.
.
Either way, this is truly grand stuff.
I was found this 4 info viagra . Enjoy.
Leon Riddic.
I think you’ll find that playing with your private parts is prohibited by the christian religion?
BTW
Are christians allowed to have “private bits”?
“My name is Leon Riddic. I am a certified psychologist and graduate from the BSI (Brain Studies Institute). ”
.
Allow me to translate.
.
Hello my name is Leon Riddic. I am a certified pathological liar and graduated from Sunday school of the brainwashed.
.
If you are a Psychologist have you heard of Frued? what was his religious stance?
This is a joke, right? He wrote this long-ass letter to annoy everyone with his fake pshchological analysis, right? He’s not actually under the impression that he’s an intellectual human being, right?
Max Globs.
.
I think this is a classic case of under estimating ones enemies. I truely believes that we would be fooled into thinking he was a certified psychologist, just because he could spell it.
.
What he did not take into consideration is the fact that we know that any certified psychologist would not antaganise a person he believes to be mentally ill. But a childhood where reason has been supressed will do that for you.
*shudder/ throw up in mouth a bit*
Sure, he could spell the word “psychological,” but he misspelled or misused plenty of others. I’m not claiming he should be perfect, but the psychologists I know are much better communicators than this fellow. I actually thought the letter was quite inventive and funny. It caused me to laugh out loud, and then I had to read it to my husband. Maybe he’s a certifiable psychologist instead of a certified one? He could also be certified and certifiable at the same time. Sounds like a total whack job to me.
BSI = Bible society of India according to wikipedia.
“predestined to serve as a pussy sucker for the rest of eternity” Where do I sign!
.
Hey, wait, you’re not a real psychologist are you!
.
:(
Is one of these “suttle clues” how to spell subtle or renown?
“Another”… In other words, you are the worst psychologist ever.
“One day, your going to die”… and one day, you’re going to learn English.
“Everyone who has ever fallen under that category has turned out to be a rapist and a murderer.” So you have data on literally everybody who has ever been in this category?
“Personally, from my perspective you are doomed.” Personally, from my perspective, you are redundant and repetitious.
“I hope your testicles ache, and your nipples rust.” And you say Bobby has sexual issues in his past?
As a whole, your psychoanalysis seems rather, um, fake.
But what really confuses me is Bobby will suck your “BIT FAT COCK” when, evidently he will be “pussy sucker for the rest of eternity.” HOW CAN HE DO BOTH? I tell ya, this particular conundrum has kept me up at night.
-
*hand goes up in response to thelastpirate*
Bobby is a Hypolack?
Well your argument is just so sound that I guess he must be!
So…does that mean Jesus was a Hypolack too?
Way cool!
Thanks for dragging this thread up!
I just learned a new word today! Woo Hoo!
“Hyprolack” Sweeet!
Things sure have changed since I got an MS in psych.
Is this in the latest DSM?
Oh wow, that was good! I wonder how long it took this guy to copy the words certified psychologist out of the dictionary? Hey PP, could you give us a brief casual analysis of this nutter based on the sexual and incestual acts he has superimposed onto Bobby? and of course the punishments he thinks are fitting for such acts. I think it would be interesting. Please, do tell!
oh yeah and *raises hand*
fucking hell! A thread I’ve not posted on!
Sorted :D
I haven’t posted here either.
@PP
“Things sure have changed since I got an MS in psych.
Is this in the latest DSM?
.
Yeah - they’ve stopped using exorcists these days :D. I think they still burn faggots though.
PS - does MS mean Minimum Sentence?
.
Sorry mate :P
“Alchemist Oct 7th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
@PP
“Things sure have changed since I got an MS in psych.
Is this in the latest DSM?
.
Yeah - they’ve stopped using exorcists these days :D. I think they still burn faggots though.
PS - does MS mean Minimum Sentence?
.
Sorry mate :P”
.
How can I put this… huuummm.
Hey, I know. Fuck You D! I ain’t that old! ;p
.
“Minimum Sentence”
Yea, that’s all you get on a Sunday afternoon.
Catch me on a sober day, I’m sure I’ll have at least 5 more words to add. ;p
@ PP
Hey where’s my analysis? hmm? don’t you know by now that I am a demanding wench? *taps foot impatiently*
Besides, a brief psych eval on this guy will be much funnier if you do it while drunk!
C’mon! Be a sport! Please! *smiles and shows cleavage, holding out an exceptionally good beer*
“Wench Cyka Oct 7th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Oh wow, that was good! I wonder how long it took this guy to copy the words certified psychologist out of the dictionary? Hey PP, could you give us a brief casual analysis of this nutter based on the sexual and incestual acts he has superimposed onto Bobby? and of course the punishments he thinks are fitting for such acts. I think it would be interesting. Please, do tell!
oh yeah and *raises hand*”.
.
Hi Cyka,
I’ve just Analyzed the mail the subject sent in.
Best what I can tell this patient is either:
A: Nutters
B: Nutters with a chocolate coating (Alchemist can elaborate on that).
C: Just another Redneck 14 year-old from the bible belt of America.
(I’d go with the latter myself. Hope this helps)
Nice of this guy to post his sexual fantasy here for us lusty pirates and wenches to read. I don’t even have to go to a porn site for a little titillation.
“Wench Cyka Oct 7th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
@ PP
Hey where’s my analysis?
C’mon! Be a sport! Please! *smiles and shows cleavage, holding out an exceptionally good beer*”
.
Oh crap! You weren’t offering all that before!
You want I will write up a 27 page summary?
Aww cmon, an MS in psych and drunk and thats your best?? I coulda told ya that much!! Ya gotta know this guy has some kinda weird masturbatory ritual, has repressed sexual issues, etc. C’mon! Or is it some kinda legal issue that ya can’t go there even for a little fun? =( guess I’ll just have to go buy a couple books and study it myself then, like I do everything else that piques my interest.
hey that’s more the spirit! somewhere in between would be nice!
“Wench Cyka Oct 7th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Aww cmon, an MS in psych and drunk and thats your best?? I coulda told ya that much!! Ya gotta know this guy has some kinda weird masturbatory ritual, has repressed sexual issues, etc. C’mon! ”
.
After reading all those books you intend to buy, you’ll come back to “C”
“C: Just another Redneck 14 year-old from the bible belt of America.”
.
Sorry I didn’t put many big words in here, but I suck at big words.
They just fancy out to the same answer.
*covers cleavage and chugs the beer, brows furrowed*
I wish Wench Nikkiee were here.
She saves all my posts in some sort of archive.
I’m just too far gone tonite to give you anything spectacular.
Sorry.
.
You could uncover the tits though, I might have a moment. ;p
Nah…sorry PP…not all your posts :(
Only save links to the classics from any of the posters or hate-mailers.
Cheers
refers PP to lick one of lilwench’s popsickles
“Wench Cyka Oct 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
refers PP to lick one of lilwench’s popsickles”
.
Why is that Cyka?
This letter was very well written. The mailer starts off with a sympathetic tone, moves on to a sorta technical wordage, becomes just a little graphic in details, begins to take on an insulting voice, and then finally ends with a flat out “FUCK YOU!!!” kind of feeling. At first, he sounds kind; by the end, he seems very impolite.
.
Even if he is a rude hate-mailer who is inconsiderately being an asshat towards our way of life, he is (in my opinion) quite good–better than me, at least–at writing with a transition of tone.
.
Anywhooz… Based upon his tone–specifically, his final tone, since the entire letter seems to be working it’s way towards that point–I have determined that he is just a little (or perhaps more than a little) annoyed by Pastafarianism.
.
Aristotle, Analyzer of Authors’ Tone
Those hyphens should be dashes. I put two hyphens for each dash, but the FSM must have eaten some of them, or something.
Eh, it’s just some ol’ Russian word I picked up…
my favorite parts:
Their fathers often beat them and shove strange objects up their anus.
The one solution is you must live in the desert for forty days and eat sand.
I hope your testicles ache, and your nipples rust.
One day, people are going to piss on you and fuck you up. They will break your arms. They will come into your house and castrate you. There is no hope. Your fate is sealed.
SUCK MY BIT FAT COCK YOU MOTHER FUCK!
this is really good, is there gonna be a sequel?
my prediction for “i understand 2″!!!!!!!
That guy attempts to rape bobby.
he turns out to be his own father
AND a manatee :D
he also turns out to be bobby’s ex girlfriend.
and then harry potter dies :P
I said, “This letter was very well written.” I was comparing it to other hate mail. Compared to anything else, it’s dirt.
Even some of the hate mail makes it look like dirt.
The incredible hypocrisy was my favorite part.
If “Hyprolack’s” was a real disease, Leon would fall perfectly into the diagnosis. Unintelligent, pretends to be something he’s not to cover up who he actually is. I also enjoyed the part about “nipple’s rusting”.
“One day, your going to die, and when you do, you will be met with eternal retribution. It won’t be because you did not accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal lord and savior. It will be because you are a dum fuck and deserve to burn in hell.”
.
According to your bible, not accepting Jesus is the reason he will be going to hell. You are contradicting yourself.
.
Furthermore, according to your bible, you deserve to burn in hell too. You get to go to heaven only because Jesus died for your sins, and not because you are Christian (according to your bible (which I do not believe anyways)). You deserve to be punished, but Jesus got punished for you.
.
Christians are not better people than non-Christians. Even your own bible says that.
.
Christians should at least stop contradicting what the claim to believe, if they don’t want to be ridiculed. Though, they might be ridiculed anyway.
snort.. huh? oh.. thought you meant why Cyka, as in what does Cyka mean…
Was just an eloquent and classy way of sayin’ “no”
You get to go to heaven only because Jesus died for your sins, and not because you are Christian (according to your bible (which I do not believe anyways))..
Er…ignore that sentence. It’s at least half wrong.
After reading the first paragraph, I said, “Bull shit.”
You’re probably some guy trying to convert random people.
Conversion doesn’t work unless you know how to effectively convert someone!
“SUCK MY BIT FAT COCK YOU MOTHER FUCK!”
I never knew Christians swear so much before coming on this site. Did Jesus ever talk like this?
.
“So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her you fucking retarded fishermen fags!” John 8:7
At first I thought you had an actual chance of making a clever statement. Then I thought that you were just another “I’ll pray for you” person. Then, slowly, sentence by sentence, I started to figure out what you really are: a prick.
And I can’t believe that there are actually Christians who are this violently erratic, but are nevertheless actually quite masterful at tone transition.
he jackass, no one here but you has mental issues, jesus was a nutjob with a god complex and the FSM is real enough for me.
This guy’s a PSYCHOLOGIST?!?!?
Where the hell did he get his Ph.D. from, the Trinity Christian College?
“Personally, from my perspective you are doomed. I am extremely glad that your eternal fate will be hell. I can’t wait to see you suffer. I hope the flames that envelop you are extra hot. I hope your testicles ache, and your nipples rust. I want you to know that the whole world hates you. One day, people are going to piss on you and fuck you up. They will break your arms. They will come into your house and castrate you. There is no hope. Your fate is sealed. You have been predestined to serve as a pussy sucker for the rest of eternity. There is nothing you can do. Let this email be a warning unto you.”
He needs a therapist, that’s for sure.