heyo, i think you are by far the most cracked out, butt fucking, dick sucking, fagit ass bitch that i have ever seen on the face of this fucked up and corrupt earth. you really need to get a fucking life you neo-nazi bitch. i hope god kills your ass. thank you for causing hysterical laughing as a result of your retardedness. mike nobar
heyo, i think you are
Published by Bobby Henderson January 15th, 2006 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 56 Comments
56 Responses to “heyo, i think you are”
Oh Mike (aka Jerry Falwell),
thank you so much for your kind, loving letter. I am sure that since you have exhibited the warm and loving qualities that Jesus did Bobby now feels the love of God. Or maybe you are standing behind him and are just glad to see him.
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Fagit..? Hahaha…that’s rich.
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“hysterical laughing as a result of your retardedness”
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Yeah indead
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Okay folks, this is a long one so I went found this old thread floating down in the bildge. Plus it has great fundie speak….
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Just got back from a lurvely couple of days in the field and thank His Noodle the weather had turned nice. Remember that emergency project where my truck decided to dive into a ravine during an ice storm? The one where they are going to build the stripper club? I forget which thread it is on. Well, the builder gave me another frantic phone call and was all upset because some fundies had been picketing the site. It is on private property so he had them cited by the local sheriff and removed from the site. First time trespassers just get a citation, the second time they will be arrested. But there was a larger group of protesters on the site the next day causing even more problems and he needed me to come deal with it. I get all of the juicy political stuff that no one else will touch.
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When the biblical scripture ploy failed, they got creative and decided to seed the area with”artifacts” and brought along a couple of dozen friends to join in on the festivities. “Someone” had placed these “specimens” directly on the building site and called the state office to come shut down the project. Well, I should say at that point I didn’t know that they were fakes because I has yet to see them.
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So when I arrived, a whole load of numptys were tromping over the site looking for bones and were determined to find something. A state official—that I know—had told them that he could not shut down the site unless they found ancient human remains. I laughed because the area was too far from the nearest river for a burial. Then I examined the “artifacts” in question. First of all, they were arrowheads of very good quality but they were found in the wrong soil type and strata for their supposed age and they showed no signs of patina. For something that was supposed to be a thousand years old they looked all shiny like they had just been made yesterday. The state guy was skeptical but wasn’t sure until I pointed out the inconsistencies in a private conversation away from the crowd. He’s one of those “armchair archaeologists” who can push the paper but is completely lost in the field and relies on people like me to get it sorted. Trust me, he was glad to see me.
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Some of the local white anglo wannabes had constructed a sweat lodge and conducted “Native American” ceremonies to drive out the evil white men. So I called up my Indian buddy—he hates being referred to as “Native American” as it is a “white man’s term”—because he lurves dealing with these arseholes and I knew that he would want to be in on all the fun. Meanwhile, I got out my shovel and dug around looking for further “evidence”. If the pieces had been genuine there would have been flakes or chips of chert (flint) laying around everywhere. Nothing. He showed up about an hour later with a load of real Northern Cherokees and the first thing they did was to dismantle the precious sweat lodge. The protesters just stood there, mouths agape and watched. When one of them spoke up very loudly my buddy explained to them that building a sweat lodge out in the open was sacrilegious. So we reconstructed it down over the hill in a more secluded location. He also showed them the traditional way instead of the method they apparently found on some web site. Then we proceeded to have a traditional sweat lodge ceremony…and it was incredible! It takes your faith and throws it right in your face, like any true religion should. I could go on about that bit forever…one thing, we were all naked and there were women present as well, but it was pitch black, so you couldn’t see anything…and before you say anything, it was like a church, not an orgy. After the sweating the site was declared purified and the building could commence as far as the Northern Cherokee were concerned.
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Anyway, back to the fake “aritfacts”…the loudmouth who apparently planted them asked me what I was going to do with the pieces I confiscated since it was my job to deal with them. Even though I already knew they were fakes, I informed him that they were property of the project and I would have to take them back to the lab to do some analysis for my report. His eyes lit up like he wanted to say something but decided to keep his mouth shut for a change. If he claimed them as his he would blow the whole protest movement and I wasn’t about to relinquish them anyway. I found out later from one of the locals—who didn’t care much for the guy—that he had seen them before. The guy had showed them to everyone in town and bragged about the good deal he had made having purchased the pieces for around 300 USD—that’s about 385 Aussie and 154 British—and they probably are worth that much to a collector. I kept them on principle. I showed him not to mess with a smug left-wing assclown Pastafarian.
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BTW, I told my Indian buddy about the CoFSM and he lurved the idea. He’s a hydrologist by trade and lurves Italian food and beer. He offered an explanation about how sometimes old lava tubes can become ice caves as to how the beer volcano could serve cold beer. I told him I would post this story aboard our galleon and he said that he would definitely stop by sometime in the next week or so to corroborate. He might even add something that I forgot to mention. He lurves sticking it to the fundies and phonies as much as we do.
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Oh, I almost forgot, when the sheriff arrived he arrested those listed on the original citation, including the loudmouth—who goes by the name White Wolf—and hauled them off to the county lockup. Plus, I made about four times my normal rate for such a nothing project. It’s going to be a nice Holiday! I lurve my job.
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RAmen
MJK, one tired, but purified Pastafarian
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Ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahhaha
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahhahaa
ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahhaha
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahhahah
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That is style.
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Bravo Mad John.
Very handy to know about the ice cave/lava tubes too.
Are the owners giving you a lifetime membership to this strip club? You appear to have earned it!
RAmen
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i have a great question. wtf does the nazi movement have to do with this website. hell, i don’t like pre-calculus, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that those who love don’t know what they’re doing. do i start calling them nazis. fuck no. all these creationists are so fucking pathetic it’s rather laughable. i don’t think there’s any stupider people than the creationists. hell, my brother in middle school is smarter than them. we all know how realistic the magic man in the sky is.
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He said something about a cover charge waiver, Nikkiee, but it’s about an hour’s drive from my flat so I probably won’t be visiting the place very often. I told him I would prefer free beer or drinks but he said he would have to look into that. Sounded like a brushoff.
RAmen
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@ jesus christ
Don’t hold back now, tell them how you really feel. ;)
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heh jewaush u rz a assk houl
fusk you fuggot me amz gona killz yous
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You did what?
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que?
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@ Nikki
Don’t you mean, ¿que? As in what, instead of that?
Sorry, couldn’t resist a dig. Must be the smug evilutionist assclown in me. ;)
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*¿*
OK how did you do that ? I can’t find that key! Is it a symbol keyboard shortcut?
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¿que? is definately the one I want. Not only will we be able to baffle the illiterate hate mailer god botherers with literacy, but also nerdy little ‘whatever you call its’!
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Couldn’t find it? But you just did. Okay so you know how to cut-n-paste. :) I’m on a Mac so I don’t know if it will work on a PC but, shift-option-? is how I did it. I had to learn it when doing stuff “south of the border”. Boggled my mind for ages ’til I figured it out, so don’t feel bad.
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America is becoming more and more a Spanish speaking country by leaps and bounds, though the fundies would deny that. Especially out west, but also close to home where many of the labourers I work with have Spanish. I have a seasonal crew myself, who have gone back south for Holidays. So having the language is becoming more of a boon. They show up for work, work hard, and stay off the drugs compared to the Yanks I’ve employed.
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Do I know how to cut & paste? I’ve got to be up there with the best of them!
I still can’t get that. What is ‘option’ on a PC? (it doesn’t work with shift-alt-?)
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Ha, I just found it in special characters (Open Office). The bloody keyboard shortcut for it is a mile long. Will have to see if I can change it (as you can in office)
So is it a Spanish character? (or Latin maybe). Does it have a name?
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¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿
I made those ones myself, so there!
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Don’t know PC, sorry. The Mac has such great graphic qualities for the topography maps and the text work I just never found a need for PC. Anything I need translated onto PC I have “people” for that and they are off for the Holidays. But as far as I know it would be a Spanish character as it is of common usage.
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Ahh, you are the beautiful-minded wench that I so adore. Well done.
And thank you for conversing with me, I’m in such a good mood I feel like chatting. (If you couldn’t tell by my numerous postings.)
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I’m online for awhile. Just making up some graphics to text to a few friends (as well as watching this space) who are not online :( ) I finally convinced them to enable their mobile for multimedia. Now they love it. When I downloaded a graphic of one of her sisters paintings from an art gallery showing and text’d the image to her phone, she was hooked. I would normally see them tomorrow, but they are away in Melbourne at present. We’ll get drunk together in a few days.
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“The Mac has such great graphic qualities”
Yeah. I was involved in photagraphy a little more intensely than just a hobby. I wanted a Mac when I first bought a computer, but in 1993, there were just too many incompatability problems, as 90% of people were running PCs. Still wouldn’t mind getting one for the graphics. I have access to all the art campus machines (all Macs) at uni though, as well as their negative copiers and all sorts of other great technology in the Arts computer labs.
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Party on good wench. Oh tarty, starchy, feisty, dancing fool of an evilutionist assclown of the science conspiracy Pastarafian wench on our way to hell…in Grand Cayman of course.
Here’s a nice link to a member of the global society if not an open Pastafarian. At least he has great scruples and a bloody great songwriter. And his heart is in the right place. Always been a fan of Bob Geldoff as well.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6206063.stm
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Yes. Well deserved. Congratulations Pirate Bono. :)
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Interestingly enough, I didn’t acquire my first computer until 1999. A Mac, of course, but it was an “old piece of crap”, so the owner said. Not good for internet usage but it was a tireless little workhorse for writing up reports. Got a lot of miles out of it before the monitor decided to commit suicide by catching fire. Short circuit or something, glad I was home at the time. The hard drive still works but they don’t make the monitors anymore, so I got an awesome laptop that is just the dog’s bollocks on the net. Garageband is so cool. Between venganza.org and that I have a difficult time fitting in a work schedule. Oh the dilemmas of being self-employed.
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My old PC system was ex-uni machine (they renew them every few years) and it was a workhorse. It was comparable to the one I use now (six months old) in performance. It needs a new hard drive. I want to get it fixed and put my 75yo mum on the net. Another ‘gunna’ project. She could spend her spare time looking at rose and plant sites. Got a feeling she’s not that keen anyway.
Been a lot of good articles on Dawkins site lately. Overall I’m sure the cracks are starting to get wider. Dembski seems to really losing it, and lots more professional scientists are standing up to be heard on the offensive, rather than the defensive.
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My mum can’t even play a CD in her stereo that I gave her two years ago. Sad for a retired research chemist (both the folks are). I brought them to the states for the better health coverage and because the old neighborhood back in Salford is overrun with gangsta wanabes. Plus crossing the pond was becoming a royal pain in th arse with all the 9/11 crap.
Yeah, I posted a couple of links about a recent scuffle between Ed Brayton and Sternberg on the “excellent satire” thread that was awaiting moderation but which finally came through from Dec 22nd, 2006 at 10:09 pm. Is that a run-on sentence or what? Brayton’s bit is quite a length piece but I thought you might enjoy the rebuttal when you can find the time. It’s worth printing out an saving for future use. I know I certainly have and will.
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Just had to slip out there for a minute. Walked past my car in the carport and heard something running around under the bonnet. Was a mouse or rat. Just took the car for a little drive to see if any wires were chewe. On rare occassion others around here have had wires chewed under the dash. That’s not good. My mum lives pretty close and is fit as a ‘mallee bull’, to use the common Australian expression. So she tells us anyway!
We keep an eye on her. One of the younger generation is putting on the Holiday food this year at their place. So she has no choice but to relax and enjoy. She is your typical masachist (sp) mother!
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I meant to ask, how long have your folks lived over in the states? How do they like it?
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Bloody buggary rodents, a menace to society, I say. Guess that’s why the FSM made snakes and predatory birds…and goanas (sp.) eat the little ones don’t they?
Me mum is fit in the physical sense (will probably outlast me poor self) she just can’t seem to get her head around simple everyday tasks beyond a cup of coffee anyway. Will have to take the keys to her car away from her soon I fear.
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How ~old is she?
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The folks have been here about a dozen years or so. They live off in the suburbs where they can meet up with other elders without having to drive a great distance. They seem to have fit in quite well. At least that’s what they keep telling me. Of course they miss Old Blighty, but most of their old friends had passed so they needed to find new friends anyway. ukgoods.com keeps them filled with all the foodstuffs from home. Still do the Sunday tea with PG Tips and a few hobnobs. Can’t be bad. Thanks for asking.
I have a flat in the city closer to the historical archives and county platt office but can still pop in on them regularly.
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‘and goanas (sp.) eat the little ones don’t they?’
I’ve got plenty of goannas (sp?…how embarassing for an Aussie) around here. I don’t know about the rats/mice, but they sure like the eggs of a nice grounded bird, we have here called a Kurlew (sp. again….can’t be assed looking it up or digging to hard into memory recesses at present).
Rats/mice are the preferred menu of the snakes that are around though. Most of the tree snakes and I have some sort of unsaid deal. Their side is ‘we won’t move into your house/carport to live (or if we do, we won’t sneak out under your feet when you are walking past ) as long as you don’t interfere when we are getting our breakfast/lunch and dinner’ and I just go along with that. Works out fine. You just get to know breeding season of prey means abundence of predators. That is without any learned biology, as any native//farming/country people know. It becomes instinct. Howeber, a little knowledge of biology makes it an interesting observable harmony.
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I’m not sure exactly how old she is. You know it’s not polite to ask a lady’s age. ;) But my father turns 80 next year. We are planning a big to do. And I know he’ll lurve all the attention. (Don’t think mum would allow strippers though, he’ll just have to wait ’til heaven. He lurves the Pastafarian bit.)
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‘Howeber’??? I’m not drunk, but my fingers appear to be!
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Yeah, I need to get back out to my forty acres in the country (or bush as you lot say). I’m sure the local rodent population have made a right mess of the place. I wanted to get out sooner but that stripper club project has keep me busier than usual.
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That’s okay, I’m drunk enough for the both of us. And I’m about down for the count.
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I wish my dad were still alive (me and him were like chalk and chalk)! I’m sure if he knew about the CoFSM, he would have spent every waking hours learning to use the net and then spend a lot of time making (hopefully) snide, preferably funny, remarks about the xtians. He didn’t even really teach me that attitude either. Just a chip of the old block, I guess. (and proud of it!) I don’t know if you have ever read it, but I think the relationship between my father and I, exactly paralells that between Lizzy and her father in the ‘Pride and Predudice’ novel (Jane Austin). Many times, at family gatherings we would just look at each other with an underhanded understanding of which planet these other people came from and smile, a compehending smile.
Mind you I get along with all my family ok. Just a shared exact same sense of humour.
:)
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So, I’ll say good night then..while I still am able. Good night then. Dream of noodles in a sky of blue and as me Gran would say culla slan: sleep well.
RAmen
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I know what you mean about a father. We have always seen the world through similar eyes. Me mum will never understand, but she lurves us just the same. I have been truly blessed in life and wish that others could know the same.
RAmen
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‘That’s okay, I’m drunk enough for the both of us. And I’m about down for the count.
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To bed then! I’ll catch you round the board on the flip side. My food fest Holiday will be practically over before you guys even start yours. Have a good one. I, myself am heading to my mum’s for ‘ham and egg’ breakfast in about 10hrs from here. Or for you bloody 24hr clock folk….umm…0800 hundred hours (I think?)
RAmen
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Surely your dad is resting in peace among a load of strippers with a flagon of the finest ale at hand. No offense to your mum, but as Mark Twain said, ” A man has to be in his own heaven to be happy.”
RAmen
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‘Surely your dad is resting in peace among a load of strippers …’
I have absolutely no doubt of that, what so ever. He was actually pretty much a teetotaller (or whatever they call it/ spell it!) and monogomous, because of his principles, not religion! But I’m sure, now after doing his bit well in his earthly life , he’s probably way into everything in Pastafarian heaven. Cool is a good word. Guess I was one of the lucky zygotes too. :)
RAmen
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Hmm, I like the volcanic pipe-ice cave idea, my current ideas would have produced more of a beer geyser than a volcano. I think that the actual volcanoes would be relics with beer erupting out of them
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Well, can we have all the hypotheses in place, when you are all ready? Usually, the best option, goes to the most efficient/economical choice. (hey, i didn’t make the accepted/implemented rules ok. Blame the profit comunity!)
I have no idea what you are all saying. So, could we have construction times/prices data please? Promise to butt out on first sentence, on the basis, that I would have no comprehension of any/either proposal!
RAmen
I kinda think, the beer volcanos should double as a theme park, in the tone of ‘Journey to the Centre of the Earth’. Just an opinion here.
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@ Mad John Kidd Dec 24th, 2006 at 5:53 am
‘I know what you mean about a father.’…….I have been truly blessed in life and wish that others could know the same.”
‘
RAmen Mad John!
Ahh….just a lot a life observation. Little girls generally adore their fathers, (and fathers , don’t ever, ever forget it). Another one: Warning (!!) to any current/future fathers of those same little girls (who will grow up eventually), there is still a traditional expectation on the son’s to carry on the line, but that is not how biological reproduction works. Play the hand you are dealt, not the one you would prefer.
ps I am NOT a feminist (with all the conotations that carries). Pure life observation here.
Having said that, let me say that women are really, really cool! I know, because I have ahd experience with this sh*t…..err I mean stuff. Seriously!!!
RAmen
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And lo, when the FSM made heaven he started off with a large meadow of barley and wheat with some associated meadows of a flower named hops. Much as he liked frollocking with strippers in the fields he got bored and covered up the fields with sediment and gave it a few more tries, before giving up and knocking back a few brews.
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In an instant, FSM had a new idea, he created (using unintelligent design) a type of sub-surface yeast that acted upon the sugary barley flavoured water (the wort) that was coming up out of the barley while it was being heated underground. If the geothermal gradient is the same in heaven as it is here on earth, the old barley fields were about 4km below the surface and the new sub surface yeast about 400m below the surface.
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And it was good, but the FSM noticed that the produced beer was a bit flat and dribbled rather unspectacularly to the surface. To remedy this situation, the FSM made a thick caprock of generally impermeable and non-porous rock in the knowledge that the carbon dioxide created by the yeast converting the sugar into alcohol would be trapped and dissolve into the beer. This had the added advantage that where there was a icy pipe leading to a volcano on the surface, the beer would become de-pressurised and the CO2 would come out of solution, expand and force the beer to the surface along the pipe producing a cool beer with a lasting head for the followers of FSM to drink to their hearts content. I may have *ahm* deliberately overprimed (too much sugar during bottling=lots of fermenting=lots of CO2=usually exploding bottles) this cider to demonstrate the effects desired by FSM.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAkD-js8W7w
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In the place where the people that have never really heard of FSM got to there are also beer volcanoes, but these are fed from a pipe that leads from a brewery almost indistinguishable from an oil refinery. The beer is invariably a rather bland lager that lacks the fine flavours and variation in styles that are available in heaven.
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The style of beer that comes out of the volcanoes depends mainly on the depth and heating the barley field is subjected to underground and the prevalent local yeast and hops. Generally, the deeper the source field, the more full bodied the beer.
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@ Beastly Rich
Nice story. Especially liked the idea of the evolution of beer from a rather bland lager into the more full bodied beer.
RAmen
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@ Nikki
Wow you were up really late, reflecting on life observations. ;) Hope you had a Happy Holiday with the fam.
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Scroll down and you’ll see Santa’s c**K
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Act your F**king age!
‘THERE IS NO SANTA’!!!
and why do you want to see his c**k for?
WEIRDO!!!!
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neo-nazi? Where did that come from?
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God can’t kill me and then decide where I go afterwards. That’s godmodding, and by RPG rule #2…
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we are not Nazi’s, we love the jews, they had more suffering than even the pirates, you my friend are the national socialist here.
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OK, you go ahead and think that. But it’s not true.
I’m really getting sick of people making claims about us with NO evidence whatsoever to back it up. How are we neo-nazis? We don’t discriminate against other religions or groups. You guys are the ones writing letters that use the word fuck more than 80 times, that threaten us with murder. We’re a friendly lot, and we are disgusted only by how IDiots are brainwashed and entirely certain that they are right. But we would never act violently.
Peace, Love and Pirates to you, my fellow human. I’m praying for you.
RAmen.
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