LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE SO COOL BECAUSE YOU THINK SOME PUSSY SPAGHETTI MONSTER RULES THE FUCKING WORLD YOU STUPID FUCK YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD TAKE MY ASS IN TO ON COMMING TRAFFIC AND LET EVERYBODY KILL YOUR ASS. AND YOU BETTER PRAY TO YOUR GOD THAT I DON’T FIND BECAUSE IF I DO I’M GOING TO JAM AN OAR UP YOUR ASS NEVER MIND I’M SURE YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND DOES THAT ANYWAY YOU FUCKING DICK. DOES YOUR ASS HURT BECAUSE IF IT DOES THAT MEANS THAT AN OAR IS ALREADY BEEN IN THERE. AND IF I SEE THAT LAST SUPPER PICTURE AGIAN I’M GOING TO PUT ANOTHER OAR UP YOUR ASS AND YOUR GOING TO LOOK FUCKING STUPID WITH TWO OARS JAMMED UP YOUR ASS. YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR A PUSSY AND YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND IS A PUSSY AND YOUR SISTERS A PUSSY AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ARE PUSSYS BUT YOUR MOMS NOT SHE A FUCKING IDIOT FOR HAVING YOUR ASS. MY GOD WOULD BITCH SLAP THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING PUSSY ASS GOD AND SEND THAT MOTHERFUCKER BACK TO HELL AND I HOPE YOU ARE WITH HIM SO YOU AND HIM CAN BURN FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIVES AND THEN YOUR FOLLOWERS WILL SEE WHAT A PUSSY YOUR GOD REALLY IS AND THEY WILL TURN TO MY GOD FOR AWNSERS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND I WILL TELL THEM THAT YOU WERE A FUCKING HOMO AND SO WAS YOUR GOD. AND IF YOU TRY YOUR SHIT IN HELL THE DEVIL WILL LIKE IT BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING HOMO TO HIM AND YOUR GOD ARE FUCK HOMO’S TOGETHER AND THEY FUCK YOU UP THE ASS. GOD BLESS SIGNED CHARLES MCMURREY
LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT
Published by Bobby Henderson November 25th, 2005 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 167 Comments
167 Responses to “LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT”
Hey Charles your caps lock is on. And I am just wondering if you talk like that in church?
I’m guessing the answer is no, if you even attend church. Or maybe its the one you and your half-sister got married in. And the reason you should not have done that is because I think you are just a little more focused on HOMO and COCK. I think you would be a lot happier with your fishing/hunting buddy as your wife.
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You’re gonna get fucked up the ass by Lucifer after I shove oars up there!
But ya know,
God bless!
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OMGZ
Who has the caps lock on?
Someone’s in trouble now.
By the way what is up with the latest fetish for sticking oars up people’s asses?
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LOL,
Hypocrisy in action!
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Caps lock for the love of FSM please remember to switch off your caps lock. I’d of thought that this was obvious given the fact that you could probably see that everything on your screen was in capital letter.
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CHARLES MCMURREY I’d also like to say that I am glad you found God whilst you were in prison!
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CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!1!!
Yah, why oars? That REALLY, REALLY, not cool.
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PS: You’re really stupid, aren’t you?
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Ahhh……ding ding…that is where the other two oars came from.
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“YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR A PUSSY AND YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND IS A PUSSY AND YOUR SISTERS A PUSSY AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ARE PUSSYS…..”
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Meoww
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For the follow up story, please visit:
http://www.venganza.org/2006/08/03/your-god-is-a-homo.htm
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One more oar and they’ll be four. You won’t have to go around in circles anymore bobby.
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“GOD BLESS SIGNED CHARLES MCMURREY”
Ahh….nice ending.
RAmen Charlie
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Hahahahahaha! Oh, this is great. Oars AND female genitalia. But, the sad thing is that this guy will grow up to be Trent Lott.
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Who is Trent Lott?
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I think your obsession with genitalia is a bit unhealthy, Mr ( or is that Miss? ) Mcmurrey.
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Don’t worry, our God blesses you too. And he also hopes you will remember that caps lock is not supposed to be on when you type.
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As a side note, please not try to vomit all over the site again…Whoops, that was just your typing. My mistake.
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Praise the pasta nad pass the parmesan.
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May the sauce be with you.
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RAmen.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trent_Lott
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oow…yukky!
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Well put Charles. I think I’ll go to church tonight, so eloquent was your evangelising.
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So this is where the oar-up-the-butt thing came from. Well, I guess if one you’re into that type of thing, you can contact Charles because he seems to know how to do it properly. What else am I missing by not going to whatever church this guy attends?
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“TWO OARS JAMMED UP YOUR ASS”
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One of the best lines ever, no doubt he is considered a geniuos debater within church circles.
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Probably on the Mass debating team. Sorry
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Well, it has to be said, going around jamming oars up people’s butts is almost certainly a very effective way of widening the circle of one’s friends (in a manner of speaking) :-)
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Hahaha. Like it.
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Hey Charles, id just like to say on behalf of all of my friends, christian, jewish, muslim, agnostic and athiest, “shut the hell up!” Of course he’d look like an idiot with two oars up his ass, but what would you look like as the person doing the ramming, anyway, have fun explaining to jesus why the stupid motherfuckers down here on earth need to find him when you get to those pearlies, peace out dude :-)
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Having given the original posting a thorough re-read, I am now so terrified that Christian thugs will abuse my poor ringpiece with oars that I am going to have to institute a “shoot first, search the cold corpses for evidence of oar-possession later” policy.
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I wonder how it’d play in court?
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Prosecution: Please tell the court why you executed every last member of the congregation on that fateful morning, Mr Davey.
Me: Certainly I will, lad. ‘Twas because I was greatly afeared that if I didn’t give ‘em broadsides first, they’d savage me death-star with oars, yer honour! I was what yer’d call traumatised, see. I’d been threatened by Christians on numerous occasions, whilst goin’ about discharging me duties as a pirate. They’re all oar perverts, I tells ‘ee! Yarrrr!
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D’you think full pirate regalia might put me in contempt of court, though?
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Saucy – I thing they’re going on a boating weekend in December. I’d give it a miss though.
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To Mr. McChristian
I’m not too sure about this, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Jesus preach about tolerance, forgiving the transgressions of others, love thy neighbor, judge not, and all that. Might I humbly suggest you take a look at your own faith and re-evalute your position in it? You are hate filled, ignorant, and your use of fuck as a verb, prounoun, noun, adjective, etc. is simply sad. And if I was a Christian I would be embarrassed as hell to have someone as vocal as you representing me!
As for your talk about all of us going to hell, don’t worry Chuckles, we’ll save ya seat, because with all that psuedotough talk of violence and hate Ol’ Mr. Splitfoot is gonna get you long before he considers me.
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Oh… I forgot the big one! “Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself”-The late J.C.
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Apparrently Mr. Chuck wants to be with many “Homos” and have a boat oar rammed up his posterior… I think that’s a little weird, but to each their own…
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Nurse! The patient has failed to take his sedatives again!
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HEY I CAN WRITE IN CAPS TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listen hun, I know a thing or too about your dear Jesus, and I’m sure he doesn’t want his Christian Pal’s like yourself goin’ around shovin’ oars up peoples asses.
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Fable……you mean it’s not in the holey book? I thought there may have been an oar reference in one of the latest versions.
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Hey Charles, I have some news: Now don’t panic or anything, but you are gay. Everybody knows it. It’s no big deal, at least not here in the real world.
But of course, you live in a world all of your own, so I’m sure you know what you have to do. Just try to be considerate of others and don’t let the oars sticking out of your ass hit anybody else as you jump off the cliff.
Thanks!
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@Dr Plaid: “don’t let the oars sticking out of your ass hit anybody else as you jump off the cliff”. Heh heh .. would it not be meet if he landed in silt and became fossilized? One can just imagine palaeontologists in the future finding the mysterious remains, unsure if they’ve discovered the missing link between man and Archaeopteryx. Oooo .. even better if they were Young Earth Creationists who thought they’d unearthed a ‘fallen angel’.
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hahahaha…….
RAmen
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I’m a little confused here. Good hate mail though, we’re probably providing a public service helping people work through their repressed rage generated by internal conflict with their homosexual tendancies. Although for self confessed homophobes they do seem preoccupied with arses (note UK spelling).
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My main point of confusion is why exactly they think we’d be bothered by being gay? it’s kind of like calling someone tall for an insult. more to the point if they truly believe, then their deity of choice is responsible for creating people that way – surely they should consider taking it up with him at the earliest opportunity. dont’t let us detain you from trying!
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PMSL!
Thanks for bumping this Spider!
People like this worry about being gay because in their scary bigotted little world gays are threatening and alarming, after all they are soooo gorgeous gay people are bound to find them irresistible ;)
On a related note I have always been mildly disappointed not to be chatted up by someone of the same sex, it is a bit of an insult that you aren’t attractive enough really ;)
These loving and caring Christians (?!) feel that calling someone gay is the worst insult EVAR! Whereas I think most of us would be more alarmed if someone said we were homophobic or bigotted or that we had a humour deficit.
We have recently moved from Gillingham in Kent where the graffiti always accused people of being gay – to which our response was always “Good for them, I hope they are being careful!”
I think you may have a point with the “protesting too much” bit though, he does go on, doesn’t he?
And do they have any idea how hard it is to get hold of oars when you live in the middle of the country? I mean, I might enjoy an oar up my arse, don’t know, never tried, haven’t seen them advertised on the adult toys sites though, so it must be quite a specialised occupation ;)
And, being a nurse in the urology department you do tend to come across the most “popular” activities quite frequently – when they don’t quite go to plan anyway, I am sure I would have heard if oars had become popular lately ;)
Thanks for the giggle this morning. :)
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I’m sure Jesus would be very proud of you for saying that!
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@Booty
“I mean, I might enjoy an oar up my arse, don’t know, never tried, haven’t seen them advertised on the adult toys sites though, so it must be quite a specialised occupation ;)
And, being a nurse in the urology department you do tend to come across the most “popular†activities quite frequently….”
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Hahahahaha………….hahaha
I love the oars posts too. Always good to see them pop up (in?) ocassionally for a fresh
insertion.
RAmen
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Now there’s an image!
I certainly have witnessed my fair share of foreign bodies in interesting orifices – here’s a tip – if you like putting padlocks around certain parts of your anatomy DON’T THROW THE KEY AWAY! We had to call a locksmith out for one guy – and he charged him a callout fee, and left his card! PMSL! Obviously we have the NHS over here, so the fact he charged him we all found highly amusing :)
I love my job :)
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No doubt, the key was misplaced during all the excitement. :O
Hahahahaha…..how embarrassing….hahahaha
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Oh no, not at all, he was completely unabashed and had deliberately thrown the key away as part of the “game”.
He was told it would cost him again if he did it again though!
Funnily enough the NHS don’t employ locksmiths – maybe they should!
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While extraction of an oar may be right up the alley (so to speak) of your department, I’m assuming a refit would be considered a cosmetic procedure and would require a rather costly specialist. I wonder what such a specialist would be listed under in the phone directory?
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I realise one could always call Charles, but what if your lucky and live a long, long, long way away from him? Or are very very lucky, like me, and live in another country?
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I hope !!!!
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Oh yes, we mostly specialise in extraction, although certain medical appliances can be implanted as well (I am thinking for people who have erectile dysfunction or who have had a testicle removed for whatever reason) I would think an oar implanter would indeed be very specialised, and would be unlikely to be covered expenses wise by the NHS, unless you can prove that it is utterly ruining your life and causing you psychological distress by not having an oar there – could be tricky to prove ;) Maybe I should ring up one of the clinics on Harley Street and see if they provide this service, and maybe we could get discounts if we can show it is an aspect of our religion (or at least, certain people seem to think it should be – very similar to the Hell trip really, the logistics just haven’t been thought through by our Christian “advisors” – they haven’t thought much through really ;) )
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“unless you can prove that it is utterly ruining your life and causing you psychological distress by not having an oar there – could be tricky to prove ;)
One Oared Marc certainly did not seem himself when he removed his oar, so as to entrust it to TLM, and was waiting on another to be refurbished. We’ll have to have him detail to us just how badly this experience affected him. Though since he has been re-oared, I have noticed a definate renewal of spirit and sense of identity.
Perhaps we could also get Charlie and others to verify that they really believe we need oars up our arses. Charlie being a good god botherer and all, should stand his above eloquent testimony in good stead.
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“AND THEY WILL TURN TO MY GOD FOR AWNSERS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND I WILL TELL THEM THAT YOU WERE A FUCKING HOMO AND SO WAS YOUR GOD.” Ok, lemmie see if I got this right. You will be standing next to god, and he/she/it will be asking you about the souls standing before him, and you get to tell god about who is a ‘homo’ and who is not. Then, he asks you how to spel ‘answers’, and you can respond “A-W-N-S-E-R-S”. Yep, we are definately right. FSM is our creator. cause ur god wood haf 2 b stoopider than u 2 hav u their 2 advise him/her/it. Plunge your head into the gas stove and breathe deeply.
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Howdy Nikky!
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Those loving xtians obviously believe it will help us to achieve the holier than thou attitude they so cherish. Must be where the expression ’stick up their arse’ came from in the first place. The bigger the stick, the more holier than thou. Makes such perfect sense, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.
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And it makes a lot of sense of the complaining about others having a speck when they have a plank thing – wait, have I got the wrong orifice?!
Maybe it is good for your muscles to row with an oar up your arse?
Have we considered how this might help to sail the pirate ship?
At the very least we would have a good supply of oars!
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Hahahahahahaha
@Maxwell
Hi Maxwell
As you can see Booty and I are contemplating the ins and outs of oarology.
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Oars, yes. It seems that Charles has conjured up the most vile punishment he can think of. One so horrible that only non-believers should be subject to it. So painful and humiliating that it be reserved for the worst-of-the-worst heathens. It sounds like Charles has experienced this oar-ass thing before. I’m wondering if he was ‘touched’ by an angel, or maybe a priest?
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“I’m wondering if he was ‘touched’ by an angel, or maybe a priest?”
I’m sure Charlie’s evilangel church would have been very proud of him, so maybe they rewarded him with both.
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did you read the bit on Pat Robertson?
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No Who is Pat Robertson?
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http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/02/robertson.predictions.ap/index.html
Now, THIS guy is a tosser…..
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“Controversial statements are not new to the 75-year-old Robertson.
He has suggested in the past that a meteor could strike Florida because of unofficial “Gay Days” at Disney World, and that feminism caused women to kill their children, practice witchcraft and become lesbians. “
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I think I prefer Nostradamus on the whole.
And to think we are just concerned about oars when there are people with their whole heads stuck up their arses!
Doctor! We need a cranial extractor stat!
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and that feminism caused women to kill their children, practice witchcraft and become lesbians. “…..
Oh, I knew I was doing something wrong! No wonder, I forgot to kill my children, practise witchcraft and become a lesbian.
Dammit – all that wasted time being a mother, wife and nurse, when I could have been a lesbian child killing witch.
Ho hum.
And God throwing meteors out the pram at Disney World eh? – guess San Fransisco is next then!
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Ok. Robertson calls for the assassination of Hugo Chavez (admittedly not my favorite dictator, but..). Intolerant, CHECK. Has his own ‘news’ program to spread his filthy, slanted view of the world. Pushy, preachy, CHECK. Thinks people should be smited because of sexual orientation. All hung up on sex, CHECK. Feminism creates witches. Voodoo, magical bulls*it, CHECK. Yep, he’s a christian thru and thru. As far as I’m concerned, this whack-job is a dangerous to the common man as a bomb-toting jihadist.
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i know that hugo chavez is an asshole in every respect, but i have to admit that the chavez assasination is a very weak part of his career (but hey, what isn’t). if you call for an assasination in public, do you actually expect it to go well. hell no.
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Oh my head hurts. FSM save us from these insane evilangel cults pleeeeaase.
CNN classy news.. gurrh :(
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Yar Booty, yer a nurse you say? Me too! Me field is Psychiatry, what yers?
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You obviously missed the bits up above, I work in urology – willies mainly for prostate resections, but we do seem to get an awful lot of people with strange foreign objects up certain places as well, one of the interesting aspects of a career working with people, you definitely see all sorts!
My husband works for BT installing and repairing broadband, and he sees all sorts too – he knows where all the local brothels are, which I am sure comes in handy for something ;)
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By the way, sorry if I seem to be disappearing all the time, I have a very demanding 4 year old yelling for attention – obviously doesn’t know I am a lesbian child murdering witch, maybe that would make him behave a bit better ;)
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“he knows where all the local brothels are…” Yikes!
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@
“And to think we are just concerned about oars when there are people with their whole heads stuck up their arses!
Doctor! We need a cranial extractor stat!”
Indeed there are and indeed we do. :O
http://www.rabid-squirrel.com/
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It is a good job I am not drinking tea or I would have just ruined my laptop!
Oh, don’t worry about the brothels – he gets put off just going into Hooters! Besides, I keep him busy ;)
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hahahahaha I had a similar reaction. maybe you should pin it up on to the wall at work.
You know, to distract the “willies mainly for prostate resections” …take their minds off things a bit.
“he knows where all the local brothels are, which I am sure comes in handy for something ;)”
I suggest supplying him with a set of mugshots of high profile evilangel pastas.
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I believe he is quoting the Bible – Facicians 4:31 – “and verily I sayith onto you I’M GOING TO JAM AN OAR UP YOUR ASS and the word became wood. And the golden oars were used unto him. And the splitters hurtithâ€.
Ramen
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Ok dude, you need to find Jesus. I personally don’t care if you express your opinion but watch the language if you claim to love Jesus!
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Jesus, please save us from your followers. Fsm can you have a word to jesus about this.
Pleeease
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“Ok dude, you need to find Jesus. I personally don’t care if you express your opinion but watch the language if you claim to love Jesus! ” Oh SHIT! I didn’t know he was even missing!?! Thanks for telling me what to do in the name of jesus. Now, go and buy yourself an oar, and insert……………
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I now have a new favourite pirate themed threat…..
“I’ll stick two oars up yer arse, yaarrghh!!!”
And a follow up………
“Yaarrghh!!! How d’ye like that boyo? D’ye think ye have room for another?”
I’d like to thank the original poster for the inspiration and I look forward to trying them out as soon as possible.
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I think that, should the flying spaghetti monster exist, that he may have put Charles McMurrey here to test the belief of his followers.
Sorta like how creationists think god put dinosaur fossils in the ground to test them.
But then again, maybe not.
As Bill Hicks would have said “I don’t like the idea of The Flying Spaghetti Monster fucking with my head!!!”
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Find Jesus – I didn’t even know he was missing – absolute classic!
Isn’t he supposed to be omnipresent – bit of a mistake there!
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Dear, Dear Mary-kate and Ashley or whatever,
What, pray tell, may happen to me if I don’t find jesus?
Signed,
Bi-Curious
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have you guys found me yet
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i was behind the sofa the whole time
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@Maxwell – and what happens now we have found him?
Do we get to hide next? Or is is musical chairs now?
Hi Jesus! Good hiding place! Just brush the dog hairs off….
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always hiding, aren’t you Jesus?
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aha! i can leave messages again! posting errors be damned!
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sorry. moment of jubilation there. it’s good to be back, though it’s a shame the same old hate mails are the only ones around.
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Jesus christ! You scared the stuffin out of Britany and Avril, or whatever. They were like, ‘where’s jesus?” and like “you better find jesus”, and I was like “shut-up!”. I get to hide now……And I’ll be really disappointed if like I dont see like “where’s Maxwell” from everybody.
RAmen
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I bet Maxwell chooses somewhere really lame to hide, like under the table or something ;) Mind the spilt tomato sauce!
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This is a stupid game. You guys peeked, you saw me hide under the table. You guys cheat! I’m not playing anymore!
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Yay! Lets play spin the bottle – bagsy I get to drink it first!
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Mom! Jesus and Booty are cheating! Jesus hid behind the couch and broke the lamp! He said his dad would buy you a new one! Then Booty swore!
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Reposting from rumandmonkey.com:
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Let’s Lose Jesus!
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A group of twelve people is let loose in a shopping mall, fairground, or other similarly well-populated location. Jesus is among them, and he won’t shut up! The aim of the game is to quietly slip away without him noticing. The last person to be stuck with Jesus is the loser and has to be converted to Catholicism.
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Oh bollocks – I thought you said your folks were out?
I am soooooo going to get grounded!
Someone tell Jesus – I think he went off to snog Mary-Kate and Ashley!
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Booty said “IF YOU TRY YOUR SH*T IN HELL THE DEVIL WILL LIKE IT BECAUSE HE’S A FU*KING HOMO TO HIM AND YOUR GOD ARE FU*K HOMO’S TOGETHER AND THEY FU*K YOU UP THE A*S”…Only without the asterisks! She’s talking like a CHRISTIAN!
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Now that is just going too far!
I never!
How dare you call me a Christian you, you, you OAR-LOVER you!
*mutter* I was going to make the bottle land pointing to you on purpose as well, prat /*mutter*
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Well, let’s not get hasty. I mean, I didn’t mean it. We can still play. MOM! Booty didn’t say those things! She said she lied and said she said them, but she really didnt, cause she was lying. Jesus said them! And he’s snogging with Jessica and Mary-kate! (snogging means kissing?)
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I’m not sure if it matters or not, but I saw jesus kissing santa clause.
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Snogging means french kissing – as in lots of tongues and don’t come up for air more than once an hour. They haven’t got as far as shagging yet ;)
Well, OK, but you have to pretend you don’t know I am cheating, otherwise it wont work!
Now where do your folks hide the key to the drinks cabinet?
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Yeah Peter, they’ve been hot for each other ever since jesus got nailed by the romans while Santa watched. Sick.
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The keys are in my pocket…. ;)
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Well, don’t expect me to get them – just yet ;)
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At least that’s how I understood it from the Gospel of Santa. “….mine eyes fell upon the shivering, un-clothed body. Glistening with sweat, buttocks clenched, then relaxed. His chest heaving with laboured breath. The hideous 3-legged Roman monster was to have his way……..
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PMSL @ getting nailed by the romans!
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I always wondered where the oars came from.
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I can be patient.
Hurry up!
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Repeat after me Maxwell – I must not use the internet for reading slash…
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PMSL?
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So I guess you are not going to buy me dinner then?
Anyway Jesus is putting me off!
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What’s slash? I’m sooo lost way over here in USA
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Just so happens that I brought TWO cheeseburgers. One for Me, one for you.
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PMSL – pissed myself laughing.
Also see ROFL ROFLMAO and LOL
Rolled around the floor laughing – ditto except laughing my ass off and Laughed out Loud
Slash – dodgy homosexual sex written by amateurs and posted all over the internet – very explicit and mostly appaullingly badly written – often has famous characters such as Harry Potter and Snape etc etc – any 2 famous males you can think of really, particularly if they are arch rivals for some reason.
Feel better now? ;)
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Sort of. Now I’m afraid to go anywhere else on the net. And ICK. I wrote slash???? I’m going to take a shower. ICK!
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teeheehee!
Yes, you have written slash – go and wash your keyboard out with soap!
Slash is quite funny if you are in the mood, kind of like a dodgy film.
Don’t be afraid to explore the net – it is funny and quite unexpected at times – just make sure you aren’t using work’s PC!
(erm, you aren’t 12 are you, otherwise I am going to be in trouble?!)
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I have to go – bathtime and bedtime for the little Booties.
Catch you later.
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Not 12. Completely adult (chronologically). talk to you tomorrow
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Little Booties all tucked up in bed :)
I am off work again tomorrow (part-timer that I am) Will look forward to a natter :)
Glad you are all grown up – got slightly worried for a second there! Didn’t mean to be rude, you don’t sound 12, I just got a bit worried when you didn’t know what Slash was, but then I have a weird circle of friends who introduce me to all this stuff!
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Yaaaarrh! This reminds me of how I lost my first oar. It was a dark and stormy night. The wind was howling like an evangelical voting for Hillary. The chill went through your bones like a preacher in a Cadillac dealership. It was terrrrible. Suddenly, out of the deep inky sea, arose a monster so terrifying that one was frozen in fear. It was worse than picturing Ted Haggard getting head. It was The Devil.
.
I pulled out an oar with a mighty roar and slashed at that Devil with all of my might. But that Devil was strong. It was here that I noticed that the Devil was dancing. It was a smart little dance. I joined right in and we danced the night away. My oar floated gently out to sea.
.
This was the night that Disco was created. I sacrificed an oar but without it Donna Summer would be nothing. Let this be a lesson to you all.
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Thank you for your contribution – what we were missing earlier was a man who knows his oars!
That is a chilling story of personal loss and alarming fashion sense.
Fancy joining me and Maxwell in a game of spin the bottle?
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Marc,
hahahahaha, good stuff!
Ramen
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If Mr. McMurrey is any example, Christianity prevents development of vocabulary & language structure and promotes profoundly insane rage-states.
The Church of the FSM would never do anything so irresponsible to its followers!
‘Zilla
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To Nowtheworldhasmeaning:
(Nov 2nd, 2006 at 7:02 pm)
“CHARLES MCMURREY I’d also like to say that I am glad you found God whilst you were in prison!”
I’m surprised they have oars in prison!
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To Booty
(Jan 3rd, 2007 at 7:36 am)
“…And to think we are just concerned about oars when there are people with their whole heads stuck up their arses!
Doctor! We need a cranial extractor stat!”
Is there a medical specialty called “Neurological proctology”?
If not, there should be!
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I’ve just had a revelation.
“DOES YOUR ASS HURT BECAUSE IF IT DOES THAT MEANS THAT AN OAR IS ALREADY BEEN IN THERE.”
Isn’t this a nice parallel to:
“Organisms are too complex; this means that God must have created them!”
Thank you, Charles, for showing us how the Fundie mind works.
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Good job and great design!
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Woo Viagra comment spam!
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I FOUND THE SHIT ABOUT OARS! i’m so happy. this guy needs to find a thesaurus though. oh, and i’m so glad that the xian god and his followers are so loving and accepting.
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Ahh – thanks Commodore – happy memories :)
*sigh*
That was a fun game of spin the bottle :)
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thanks for inviting me booty. :^(
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ROFL! I just came across this thread! Oh my gosh, this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I can’t stop laughing! XD
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Oh! This is truly priceless! Somebody, tell me why Bobby is not a rich man for bringing us such gems?!?
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I like the way he ends it “GOD BLESS SIGNED CHARLES MCMURREY”, that’s very compassionate of him.
Jesus would be proud.
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Brilliant! Simply brilliant! May you find peace in a multi-denominational religous and multi-cultural world.
I shall pray to the FSM for you.
RAmen
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@Wench Cyka – I think the best hate mail and replies should be made into a book. Then it could be used in those crappy RE lessons I use to take in school. I think disillusionment and sarcasm are things modern kids would appreciate. £6.99 would be fair price.
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Hi Pluto!
Good idea! I would buy it :)
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Thanks. I was thinking we could get the most rabid hate mailer to write the introduction. Then we could have quotes from the Christian press on the cover. Who wouldn’t bye a book with “read this and you’ll burn in HELL” on the front cover?
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Yay!
Have you read Normal Bob Smith’s website – his hate mail is hilarious too!
It’s just normalbobsmith.com – he does a “Jesus Dress Up” site. (Not work safe)
Where are you in the UK, Pluto? There are a few of us here – Alchemist is in Yorkshire (well, nowhere else would have him ;P), Funky Aramaic Symbol Dude is in Sussex or occasionally setting fire to the Cutty Sark, I am in Nottingham, chasing around the forest looking for Robin Hood.
I am also very bored at work LOL!
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I’m in Portsmouth Booty. City of (yob) culture, and as I understand it the ex-male rape capital of the UK. As I understand it. Think I’d rather have Robin Hood.
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“LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE SO COOL BECAUSE YOU THINK SOME PUSSY SPAGHETTI MONSTER RULES THE FUCKING WORLD YOU STUPID FUCK YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.”
Find Jesus? Why is he hiding? Little rascal!
‘
“YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR A PUSSY AND YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND IS A PUSSY AND YOUR SISTERS A PUSSY AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ARE PUSSYS” Meow! That’s a lot of pussy. No wonder I need so many cat-naps!
‘
“MY GOD WOULD BITCH SLAP THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING PUSSY ASS GOD AND SEND THAT MOTHERFUCKER BACK TO HELL AND I HOPE YOU ARE WITH HIM SO YOU AND HIM CAN BURN FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIVES AND THEN YOUR FOLLOWERS WILL SEE WHAT A PUSSY YOUR GOD REALLY IS AND THEY WILL TURN TO MY GOD FOR AWNSERS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND I WILL TELL THEM THAT YOU WERE A FUCKING HOMO AND SO WAS YOUR GOD.”
“There is a saying, ‘Love your friends and hate your enemies.’ But I say: Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even scoundrels do that much. If you are friendly only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even the heathen do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48)
‘
Jesus said that. Does that make him a pussy?
‘
“For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. “But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (Matthew 6:14-15)
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Lol! I love the “God bless” at the end!
This guy is brilliant!
‘
Can we keep him?
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He is a barrel of laughs isn’t he?
We could always keelhaul him if it doesn’t work out! ;)
@Pluto – very nice! ;) Nottingham was the crime capital a while back I understand – could have fooled me – I lived in Kent for 10 years – I know which was more scary!!
Beastly Rich is in Sunny Cornwall – he used to post quite a lot, but is too busy avoiding posting me my home made beer now! ;)
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I think Charles is a wonderful raconteur.
Now we no longer have Peter Ustinov I wonder if he’d be interested in doing some after dinner speaking?
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Ahahahahaha ha…
Oh,wait…you’re serious?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
(Kudos, Davros…)
[we should keep him]
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Arr, I be glad that the glory of tha great FSM allows tha scallywags and pirates to be forgiving of those who mock our belief in the glory of tha noodly appendage, and to inform them of our displeasure in words rather than shovin’ an oar up their rear.
It be sad that one so obviously envious of His meaty balls (evident by his constant rambling about male genetalia) is also so scared of Them.
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P.S.
I believe it be a sign from Him that the letter above is in all CAPS, He obviously interveined with His noodley appendage to be sure that all of us could see clearly the very small thoughts spewing from an equally small mind
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Holding back on beer? The inhuman bastard!
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I found jesus. Guy really isn’t living up to the hype. In fact he wasn’t strictly living when I found him. He also had holes in him. FSM doesn’t have holes and FSM lives. FSM / Jesus = ERROR (Can not divide by ZERO).
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@Pluto Holding back the beers? Isn’t that a Simply Red song?
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@Davros the Dalek dude
Could be. Would explain a lot about Mick Hucknall, the fat ginger cunt.
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I really don’t like zombies. I try to bury them all over again. JC is a zombie. I can’t believe that a religion worships a zombie. I don’t care who his father is supposed to be, the guy is a zombie!
.
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Yer, but rod zombie made ‘House of a 1000 Corpses’ and ‘Devils Rejects’ and they kicked ass. Still I wouldn’t worship him, maybe his misses but not him.
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D: pictures don’t work.
http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/demotivational_posters/capslock.jpg
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sorry, Rob Zombie. Rod Zombie is the pornstar version.
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@Nervous Light
Nice, should be on the submission page case they forget
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You know henderob if you stick two oars up somebody’s ass, there will be no rooms for gerbils. Maybe you have room, but I’m sure you are the exception.
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BTW, Charles, any relation to Fred McMurray?
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You know it would be really cool to have some show like 20/20 do a profile on Charles McMuray. Show us the man behind the brilliant prose. They’ve done it for other men of letters like Norman Mailer, so why not this guy?
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@neal
henderob is bobby Henderson
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It always amazes me that these ignorant fucks never use proper grammar… Just a thought.
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wow! are American’s really this dumb and in-eloquent? No.. seriously now. Did that guy seriously think that any of us were suddenly going to go “Oh my gosh! An oar up my bum?! Well gosh! I had better convert to Christianity!” JESUS!! Please save me from caps-lock and oars up the pooper! Maybe I will get a Catholic priest to ram his holy cock up my ass, therefore blocking any attempt to shove an oar or two up there.
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i r liking ur grammars
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Sometimes I think people just make up stuff and send it to Bobby to make fun of Christians.
Well at this one was understandable.
Sort of.
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“YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.”
This definitely makes me want to find Jesus.
You don’t attack someone to convert them. That’s what Romans are for.
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SOMEONE NEEDS TO LEARN TO TAKE CAPS LOCK OFF.
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Wow.
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I kinda like to be hated a little
rAMEN
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I see the FSM has pressed your Caps lock. For what reason, we do not know, but I’m sure there is one.
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that does not sound a very christian thing to say oh here to piss you off more…
EXAMPLES OF CHRISTIANS WHO REALLY SUCK
A Christian’s Guide To Small Arms (http://www.frii.com/~gosplow/cgsa.html)
Ummm…the title says it all. This is an link to an actual self-professed Christian who is selling a book telling just want kind of weaponry God WANTS them to buy.
Strategy To Stop Legalized Abortion (http://www.christiangallery.com/strategy.html)
Even those of you who may disagree with abortion may be SHOCKED at this site. Basically, the strategy is to secede from the US via nuclear warfare. This is not a joke.
Creators’ Rights’ Party Song Site (http://www.christiangallery.com/songsite.html)
This would just be funny if it didn’t express so much hate. A man who seems to be under the impression that he has some sort of musical talent sings “christian” songs in Real Audio. I’m sorry!
Jack Chick (http://www.revolting.com/1.2/chick/chick.html)
You know those little comics you find on subways? Here’s info on the psycho himself.
List of People Murdered By God (http://www.psnw.com/~punx/ed/listgod.html)
There are thousands listed…and thats only the ones ACTUALLY DOCUMENTED in the BIBLE !
The Christian Horror Picture Show (http://www.paranoia.com/~wcs/contents.htm)
Drawings, photos, and representations of nasty things the Christian Church has done over the centuries.
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… And They Fuck You Up the Ass. God Bless, Indeed!
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….wait…you’re saying… your imaginary friend’s gonna beat up our imaginary friend? STFU!!! Our imaginary friend is BETTER!!! LOSER!!! your imaginary friend just lost the game, sucker…
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It looks like someone has an oar fetish.
I counted forty-eight accounts of obscene language, threats, and general un-Christian actions.
I’m not going to dissect your arguement because, for one, it’s not an arguement. It’s a series of caps lock’d threats that really don’t make much sense.
And unlike you, I don’t fear my fellow men who like their fellow men. What they do with their oar fetishes doesn’t concern me.
If I felt you were worth it, I’d have you arrested for online harassment. After that rant of yours you would be fired from the burger joint you work at, likely discommunicated from whatever twisted church that created you, and I would personally make sure that it shows up on national television.
But you’re not worth it.
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u pastafarians are morons. your only insults to us christians are that we use bad grammar. come up with some real insults bud
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Ah, the naked hate of the religion of love.
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What the hell is this crap??? You guys should all just shut up GOD DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR ACTIONS TO ONE ANOTHER.
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