LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE SO COOL BECAUSE YOU THINK SOME PUSSY SPAGHETTI MONSTER RULES THE FUCKING WORLD YOU STUPID FUCK YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD TAKE MY ASS IN TO ON COMMING TRAFFIC AND LET EVERYBODY KILL YOUR ASS. AND YOU BETTER PRAY TO YOUR GOD THAT I DON’T FIND BECAUSE IF I DO I’M GOING TO JAM AN OAR UP YOUR ASS NEVER MIND I’M SURE YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND DOES THAT ANYWAY YOU FUCKING DICK. DOES YOUR ASS HURT BECAUSE IF IT DOES THAT MEANS THAT AN OAR IS ALREADY BEEN IN THERE. AND IF I SEE THAT LAST SUPPER PICTURE AGIAN I’M GOING TO PUT ANOTHER OAR UP YOUR ASS AND YOUR GOING TO LOOK FUCKING STUPID WITH TWO OARS JAMMED UP YOUR ASS. YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR A PUSSY AND YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND IS A PUSSY AND YOUR SISTERS A PUSSY AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ARE PUSSYS BUT YOUR MOMS NOT SHE A FUCKING IDIOT FOR HAVING YOUR ASS. MY GOD WOULD BITCH SLAP THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING PUSSY ASS GOD AND SEND THAT MOTHERFUCKER BACK TO HELL AND I HOPE YOU ARE WITH HIM SO YOU AND HIM CAN BURN FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIVES AND THEN YOUR FOLLOWERS WILL SEE WHAT A PUSSY YOUR GOD REALLY IS AND THEY WILL TURN TO MY GOD FOR AWNSERS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND I WILL TELL THEM THAT YOU WERE A FUCKING HOMO AND SO WAS YOUR GOD. AND IF YOU TRY YOUR SHIT IN HELL THE DEVIL WILL LIKE IT BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING HOMO TO HIM AND YOUR GOD ARE FUCK HOMO’S TOGETHER AND THEY FUCK YOU UP THE ASS. GOD BLESS SIGNED CHARLES MCMURREY
LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT
Published by Bobby Henderson November 25th, 2005 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 167 Comments
167 Responses to “LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT”
So I guess you are not going to buy me dinner then?
Anyway Jesus is putting me off!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
What’s slash? I’m sooo lost way over here in USA
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Just so happens that I brought TWO cheeseburgers. One for Me, one for you.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
PMSL – pissed myself laughing.
Also see ROFL ROFLMAO and LOL
Rolled around the floor laughing – ditto except laughing my ass off and Laughed out Loud
Slash – dodgy homosexual sex written by amateurs and posted all over the internet – very explicit and mostly appaullingly badly written – often has famous characters such as Harry Potter and Snape etc etc – any 2 famous males you can think of really, particularly if they are arch rivals for some reason.
Feel better now? ;)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Sort of. Now I’m afraid to go anywhere else on the net. And ICK. I wrote slash???? I’m going to take a shower. ICK!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
teeheehee!
Yes, you have written slash – go and wash your keyboard out with soap!
Slash is quite funny if you are in the mood, kind of like a dodgy film.
Don’t be afraid to explore the net – it is funny and quite unexpected at times – just make sure you aren’t using work’s PC!
(erm, you aren’t 12 are you, otherwise I am going to be in trouble?!)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I have to go – bathtime and bedtime for the little Booties.
Catch you later.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Not 12. Completely adult (chronologically). talk to you tomorrow
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Little Booties all tucked up in bed :)
I am off work again tomorrow (part-timer that I am) Will look forward to a natter :)
Glad you are all grown up – got slightly worried for a second there! Didn’t mean to be rude, you don’t sound 12, I just got a bit worried when you didn’t know what Slash was, but then I have a weird circle of friends who introduce me to all this stuff!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Yaaaarrh! This reminds me of how I lost my first oar. It was a dark and stormy night. The wind was howling like an evangelical voting for Hillary. The chill went through your bones like a preacher in a Cadillac dealership. It was terrrrible. Suddenly, out of the deep inky sea, arose a monster so terrifying that one was frozen in fear. It was worse than picturing Ted Haggard getting head. It was The Devil.
.
I pulled out an oar with a mighty roar and slashed at that Devil with all of my might. But that Devil was strong. It was here that I noticed that the Devil was dancing. It was a smart little dance. I joined right in and we danced the night away. My oar floated gently out to sea.
.
This was the night that Disco was created. I sacrificed an oar but without it Donna Summer would be nothing. Let this be a lesson to you all.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Thank you for your contribution – what we were missing earlier was a man who knows his oars!
That is a chilling story of personal loss and alarming fashion sense.
Fancy joining me and Maxwell in a game of spin the bottle?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Marc,
hahahahaha, good stuff!
Ramen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
If Mr. McMurrey is any example, Christianity prevents development of vocabulary & language structure and promotes profoundly insane rage-states.
The Church of the FSM would never do anything so irresponsible to its followers!
‘Zilla
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
To Nowtheworldhasmeaning:
(Nov 2nd, 2006 at 7:02 pm)
“CHARLES MCMURREY I’d also like to say that I am glad you found God whilst you were in prison!”
I’m surprised they have oars in prison!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
To Booty
(Jan 3rd, 2007 at 7:36 am)
“…And to think we are just concerned about oars when there are people with their whole heads stuck up their arses!
Doctor! We need a cranial extractor stat!”
Is there a medical specialty called “Neurological proctology”?
If not, there should be!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’ve just had a revelation.
“DOES YOUR ASS HURT BECAUSE IF IT DOES THAT MEANS THAT AN OAR IS ALREADY BEEN IN THERE.”
Isn’t this a nice parallel to:
“Organisms are too complex; this means that God must have created them!”
Thank you, Charles, for showing us how the Fundie mind works.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Good job and great design!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Woo Viagra comment spam!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I FOUND THE SHIT ABOUT OARS! i’m so happy. this guy needs to find a thesaurus though. oh, and i’m so glad that the xian god and his followers are so loving and accepting.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Ahh – thanks Commodore – happy memories :)
*sigh*
That was a fun game of spin the bottle :)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
thanks for inviting me booty. :^(
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
ROFL! I just came across this thread! Oh my gosh, this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I can’t stop laughing! XD
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Oh! This is truly priceless! Somebody, tell me why Bobby is not a rich man for bringing us such gems?!?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I like the way he ends it “GOD BLESS SIGNED CHARLES MCMURREY”, that’s very compassionate of him.
Jesus would be proud.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Brilliant! Simply brilliant! May you find peace in a multi-denominational religous and multi-cultural world.
I shall pray to the FSM for you.
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Wench Cyka – I think the best hate mail and replies should be made into a book. Then it could be used in those crappy RE lessons I use to take in school. I think disillusionment and sarcasm are things modern kids would appreciate. £6.99 would be fair price.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hi Pluto!
Good idea! I would buy it :)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Thanks. I was thinking we could get the most rabid hate mailer to write the introduction. Then we could have quotes from the Christian press on the cover. Who wouldn’t bye a book with “read this and you’ll burn in HELL” on the front cover?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Yay!
Have you read Normal Bob Smith’s website – his hate mail is hilarious too!
It’s just normalbobsmith.com – he does a “Jesus Dress Up” site. (Not work safe)
Where are you in the UK, Pluto? There are a few of us here – Alchemist is in Yorkshire (well, nowhere else would have him ;P), Funky Aramaic Symbol Dude is in Sussex or occasionally setting fire to the Cutty Sark, I am in Nottingham, chasing around the forest looking for Robin Hood.
I am also very bored at work LOL!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’m in Portsmouth Booty. City of (yob) culture, and as I understand it the ex-male rape capital of the UK. As I understand it. Think I’d rather have Robin Hood.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“LISTEN DUMBASS YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE SO COOL BECAUSE YOU THINK SOME PUSSY SPAGHETTI MONSTER RULES THE FUCKING WORLD YOU STUPID FUCK YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.”
Find Jesus? Why is he hiding? Little rascal!
‘
“YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR A PUSSY AND YOUR HOMO BOYFRIEND IS A PUSSY AND YOUR SISTERS A PUSSY AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ARE PUSSYS” Meow! That’s a lot of pussy. No wonder I need so many cat-naps!
‘
“MY GOD WOULD BITCH SLAP THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING PUSSY ASS GOD AND SEND THAT MOTHERFUCKER BACK TO HELL AND I HOPE YOU ARE WITH HIM SO YOU AND HIM CAN BURN FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIVES AND THEN YOUR FOLLOWERS WILL SEE WHAT A PUSSY YOUR GOD REALLY IS AND THEY WILL TURN TO MY GOD FOR AWNSERS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND I WILL TELL THEM THAT YOU WERE A FUCKING HOMO AND SO WAS YOUR GOD.”
“There is a saying, ‘Love your friends and hate your enemies.’ But I say: Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even scoundrels do that much. If you are friendly only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even the heathen do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48)
‘
Jesus said that. Does that make him a pussy?
‘
“For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. “But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (Matthew 6:14-15)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Lol! I love the “God bless” at the end!
This guy is brilliant!
‘
Can we keep him?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
He is a barrel of laughs isn’t he?
We could always keelhaul him if it doesn’t work out! ;)
@Pluto – very nice! ;) Nottingham was the crime capital a while back I understand – could have fooled me – I lived in Kent for 10 years – I know which was more scary!!
Beastly Rich is in Sunny Cornwall – he used to post quite a lot, but is too busy avoiding posting me my home made beer now! ;)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I think Charles is a wonderful raconteur.
Now we no longer have Peter Ustinov I wonder if he’d be interested in doing some after dinner speaking?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Ahahahahaha ha…
Oh,wait…you’re serious?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
(Kudos, Davros…)
[we should keep him]
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Arr, I be glad that the glory of tha great FSM allows tha scallywags and pirates to be forgiving of those who mock our belief in the glory of tha noodly appendage, and to inform them of our displeasure in words rather than shovin’ an oar up their rear.
It be sad that one so obviously envious of His meaty balls (evident by his constant rambling about male genetalia) is also so scared of Them.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
P.S.
I believe it be a sign from Him that the letter above is in all CAPS, He obviously interveined with His noodley appendage to be sure that all of us could see clearly the very small thoughts spewing from an equally small mind
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Holding back on beer? The inhuman bastard!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I found jesus. Guy really isn’t living up to the hype. In fact he wasn’t strictly living when I found him. He also had holes in him. FSM doesn’t have holes and FSM lives. FSM / Jesus = ERROR (Can not divide by ZERO).
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Pluto Holding back the beers? Isn’t that a Simply Red song?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Davros the Dalek dude
Could be. Would explain a lot about Mick Hucknall, the fat ginger cunt.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I really don’t like zombies. I try to bury them all over again. JC is a zombie. I can’t believe that a religion worships a zombie. I don’t care who his father is supposed to be, the guy is a zombie!
.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Yer, but rod zombie made ‘House of a 1000 Corpses’ and ‘Devils Rejects’ and they kicked ass. Still I wouldn’t worship him, maybe his misses but not him.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
D: pictures don’t work.
http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/demotivational_posters/capslock.jpg
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
sorry, Rob Zombie. Rod Zombie is the pornstar version.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Nervous Light
Nice, should be on the submission page case they forget
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
You know henderob if you stick two oars up somebody’s ass, there will be no rooms for gerbils. Maybe you have room, but I’m sure you are the exception.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
BTW, Charles, any relation to Fred McMurray?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
You know it would be really cool to have some show like 20/20 do a profile on Charles McMuray. Show us the man behind the brilliant prose. They’ve done it for other men of letters like Norman Mailer, so why not this guy?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0