Brian I would like to

Published August 1st, 2005 by Bobby Henderson

Brian

I would like to tell you that i was very offended by your letter, and would like to join the 5% that believes you are going to hell. I did not at all appreciate the way you dipict those who beleive something other than you. Jack ass. P.S. I hope your genitals fall off and are eaten by three-legged mice with squirrel tails. P.S.S Ninjas are way cooler than pirates. Jack ass.

you’re an idiot. I’ll pray for you. -Andrew Schmitt



13 Responses to “Brian I would like to”

  1. Alexa Mancha says:

    Pray for yourself. even if “GOD” did exist, you would be barred from heaven anyway.

  2. Lamna says:

    Anyone that wants that to happen to someone, would go to hell, if there is such a place. And Ninjas are less cool beause we be slaughtering them with our flintlocks! Yar ha ha ha. Or if you dont undersatnd

    Anyone that wants that to happen to Jack Ass someone, would go to hell,Jack Ass if there is such a place. And Ninjas are less cool beause we be slaughtering Jack Ass them with our flintlocks! Yar ha ha ha. Jack Ass

  3. J says:

    Who is Brian?
    .
    There are 5% of people devoted to believing that Brian is going to hell? I wonder how they feel about other first names. Are J’s okay?
    .
    ‘I did not at all appreciate the way you dipict those who beleive something other than you.’
    .
    Don’t we *all* believe something other than Brian? I know a couple of Brians, but they’re not the *only* things I believe in. I’ve noticed several other bits and pieces knocking about the place over the last three decades – cars, tulips, magistrates, shoes, ships, sealing-wax, cabbages and kings. I believe in these *at least* as much as I believe in Brian. (Who is Brian, again?)
    .
    ‘P.S. I hope your genitals fall off and are eaten by three-legged mice with squirrel tails.’
    .
    Mind you, Andrew does surpass me in the ‘believing in things other than Brian’ stakes. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to believe in bollock-eating three-legged mice with squirrel tails! Imagination-wise, I take my hat off to him. Congratulations, Andrew! You’re unhinged.
    .
    I have a question. What *is* a Jack Ass, anyway? I suppose it must be some kind of magical incantation which mysteriously makes an irrefutable argument out of what would otherwise be a childishly written hate mail of bizarre insults, poor spelling and hypocritical meanness dressed up as religion.
    .
    (Not sure that that sentence needed ‘dressed up as’, actually.)

  4. Enlightened. says:

    I don’t think Bobby’s trying hard enough, if only 5% of people think he’s going to hell.

  5. Lord Malus DCLXVI says:

    HOW DARE YOU ANDREW!! It is you who are going to Hell. What Lord Robert, or Bobby, is trying to say is that the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster, in his infinite… uh… wisdom… is trying to make clear is to live together in peace. You come here trying to start crap. That’s what makes all gods in all religions frown upon you. I’m sure the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster and God are saddened by your rash behavior. I, for one, WILL be going to Hell, I know that. And I’ll see you there and kick your ass so hard… after I eat.

    Lord Malus, DCLXVI

    P.S.
    Ninjas and Pirates are on equal footing. I’m sure one day, they will join together and bring peace and merriment. Or bloodshed and merriment. Whichever.

  6. Stereotypical Environmentalist... says:

    Andrew, I hope you know that “P.S.S.” stands for “Post Script Script”. The proper notation is “P.P.S.” which stands for “Post Post Script”.

  7. ۞ says:

    Brian Brian Who the Fuck is Brian?

    • AstroFloyd says:

      I’m Brian, and so is my wife…

    • Keith says:

      He’s not the Messiah: he’s just a very naughty boy.

  8. Lord of the Pirate Fish says:

    i think the jack ass (i’m using his own words) is trying to say bobby but he’s so retarted he can’t spell it.

    @Lord Malus- or VDs and merriment. don’t forget that.

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