Mr. Henderson, I hope you

Mr. Henderson,

I hope you do not think that putting the comments of the “wise” on your web page will cause the true believers to doubt our Savior. You can quote the scientific community and list the names of those who claim to have a PhD, but those of us who know the truth are only saddened that you are doing Satan’s work. You see Mr. Henderson there are 2 schools of thought that us simple Christians believe: one is that “Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the light” and those who believe, confess their sins, and live a Godly life will live forever in His kingdom, the other is that there is an enemy and he is also powerful (but not a match for our God) and those who support him (by not accepting the salvation that Christ’s death offered) will burn in hell. As there are different rewards in Heaven, I cannot help but believe that there will be different degrees of torture in the place that I will never know. And, I do believe that those who led the lambs astray will be faced with a death even more cruel than being thrown into a lake of fire, if you could imagine. You have obviously spent some time in The Word of God, as is indicated by your blasphemy. As a child of God, which you are, I feel the need to call your attention to the unforgivable sin, “blasphemy of the holy spirit”. I and many others in my congregation have prayed for your salvation, because even though you mock the God we serve, we are told “to pray for those who curse us”. I feel you are wasting the leadership and creativity that our Creator has given you. I beg of you to spend some time in Matthew and turn back before it is too late. Matthew warns us that those who lead children into sin may as well have a yoke put around them and drown in the sea. They only add to the those who will suffer in hell alongside them. If you died tomorrow Mr. Henderson where would you go? Would you just break down into the earth and that would be the last of you? If that is what you believe you are lying to yourself. I believe in us all is the innate knowledge that there is a Creator and a divine plan for our lives. I can only hope that one day you will be on our team and that you will be able to witness to others how you were once lost and in a dark and lonely place where you felt the need to drag others into, until the light was shown to you.

In God’s Love, Melissa Rayburn

15 Responses to “Mr. Henderson, I hope you”
  1. 1 - Alexa Mancha - Sep 17th, 2006

    I’ve never felt such a strange combination of pity and indigestion.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  2. 2 - JonL - Feb 1st, 2007

    “As a child of God, which you are, I feel the need to call your attention to the unforgivable sin, “blasphemy of the holy spirit”.”
    Perhaps Melissa Rayburn hasn’t heard? I’m pretty sure this rule has been changed due to the “everyone can be saved” contradiction and most recently, the advent, and popularity, of the blaspheme challenge. Chin up Melissa and better luck next time.
    RAmen

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  3. 3 - Navigator Spider - Feb 1st, 2007

    I and many others in my congregation have prayed for your salvation, because even though you mock the God we serve, we are told “to pray for those who curse us”
    .
    so let me check this. the only reason you’re trying to mess with our consciousness is because someone told you to? Back the f*** away from my consciousness. go save your own spiritual being. how dare you presume i want or need saving you sanctimonious windbag.
    .
    “Matthew warns us that those who lead children into sin may as well have a yoke put around them and drown in the sea”… really? what did he say about preachers that abuse kids then? correct me if i’m wrong but isn’t there a bit about judging others? man i’m fed up with holier than thou cretins presuming they can do anything on our behalf. tell you what, all us pirates with have a gathering (well, piss up) and think on your behalf since you obviously have problems with it….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  4. 4 - Navigator Spider - Feb 1st, 2007

    in case you are in anyway unsure on my opinion of religion and god
    Mock
    mock
    mock
    mock

    ps. mock…..

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  5. 5 - Red DutchPasta Kidd - Feb 1st, 2007

    Spider, things like this only make me want to say:
    Yuck
    Yuck
    Yuck

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  6. 6 - new noodle - Feb 1st, 2007

    Isn’t advising Bobby to spend some time in Matthew condoning homosexuality?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  7. 7 - Homo narrans - Feb 1st, 2007

    WHAT A LOT OF SANCTIMONIOUS BULLSHIT. these people claim to be doing everything for the good of our souls, yet it’s impossible to miss the condescension and self-righteousness dripping from their tone.
    .
    Mellissa Rayburn, the odds against the existence of your “Creator” are truly, staggeringly tremendous. there is not a scrap of empirically verifiable evidence for your supernatural sky-daddy, nor will there ever be. grow up and get over it, you poor, deluded fool.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  8. 8 - Navigator Spider - Feb 1st, 2007

    i just checked the date ont he hatemail, whoops we late getting the replies in….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  9. 9 - Navigator Spider - Feb 1st, 2007

    i just checked the date on the hatemail, whoops we late getting the replies in….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  10. 10 - Raz - Feb 1st, 2007

    @Navigator Spider
    Wow. You’re right lol, I’m surprised this one was spared the gauntled for so long.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  11. 11 - Raz - Feb 1st, 2007

    gauntlet*

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  12. 12 - Captain Philaaarrrrhhh! - Nov 16th, 2008

    Is it just me, or can we feel a hint of jealousy and fear in this hate-mail?

    “I can only hope that one day you will be on our team”

    The fundies want to take our Bobby away and use his genius for their own purpose! We have to stop them!

    Yaaaaaarrrrrhhh!

    RAmen

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  13. 13 - BRavo - Jan 18th, 2009

    Oh my, this post has it all, like if I was listening to an elderly woman.
    Typical christian tactic.

    1: Unquestionable – they will _NEVER_ show or try to understand other points of view.
    2: Terrorism – always scaring and manipulating people with the threat of hell
    3: Bribery – If you will become part of their cause, you will be rewarded handsomely(after death of course, saves material values)

    But just ignore them, noone chooses with what kind of mental values (and health) will be born, can’t blame them if they need some imaginational comfort.
    But they surely do piss me off when they are forcing their crap upon good people.

    When i`m down I just go to my own imaginational “Happy place” with headphones on, don’t need to visit churches, take confessionals and pray for it for my own demented mind to settle… that’s just silly.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  14. 14 - Garrick McElroy - May 28th, 2009

    Sigh, if only you Christians didn’t embrace your Dogmatic beliefs so… Dogmatically? Yeah, that’s the word. We Pastafarians are open to the idea that FSM doesn’t exist at all. Because we QUESTION the world around us, the entire REASON we have a conciousness. If FSM just wanted us to believe in him completely, he would’ve just made us robots. You need to question the world around you, but until then, I hope His Noodliness watches over you.

    RAmen.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  15. 15 - Drew - Oct 23rd, 2009

    It was so much easier back in these days. Hate mail was so obviously not sarcastic spam written in effort to make it onto the hatemail page. Responses were simply responses, not attempts to incite a flame war. Why can’t we go back to this Bobby? why?

    I will pray that in matthew you will find the ability to return to simpler times such as these. I will pray for you.
    I will pray

    *snicker*

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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